Funny Guy Friday... Sunday at the Christmas movie fest...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So... I married a funny guy...
     At Mass last Sunday, the priest began his homily by mentioning that, for some people, the meaning of today's Christmas season can be captured by a popular Christmas movie. The movie to which he was referring was, of course, Home Alone. 
     What's that, you say? How does Home Alone capture the meaning of today's Christmas season? In my opinion, Home Alone is the most violent movie ever made. Cheryl won't allow me to watch The Godfather with Matthew despite my argument that The Godfather is less violent than Home Alone. 
     The priest went on to explain that the family in the movie is so frantic running around getting ready to go away to celebrate Christmas, that they forget about their son. Today, some families are so frantic running around getting ready for the Christmas season that they forget about the Son. He spoke for another ten minutes and said some other stuff, but this is all I can remember.
     Anyway, during the other ten forgettable minutes, I had some thoughts about other Christmas shows. I must say that I look at these shows with a much more discerning eye than when I was a kid. The following reviews are based on the candy cane scale, with one being "the equivalent of coal in your stocking," and five being "getting everything you want on your Christmas list."
     The first classic Christmas story for review is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Imagine if they tried to make a movie called Rudolph the Jewish Reindeer and nobody would play with the kid in the yamaca; they could not make that movie in today's politically correct world. Another thing, let's get this right out of the way: Santa is a real jerk in this movie. His discriminatory actions would have resulted in an Equal Employment Opportunity lawsuit that would have brought his entire North Pole/Christmas empire to its knees.
     Despite the fact that Rudolph is clearly the best flying reindeer competing at the reindeer games (hereinafter referred to as "the combine"), he is blackballed by his coach and reprimanded by both his father and his future father-in-law. I am assuming Rudolph and Clarice got married, but you never know if these mixed relationships ever really work out.
     Because of his "deformity" Rudolph is exiled and eventually meets up with a smallish dentist who suffers a similar fate at the hands of his fellow elves. Personally, I do not think it is fair to compare Rudolph's rejection with that of Hermie because Hermie is annoying and deserves to be kicked out of elfin society. I digress.
     The pair find themselves on an island with a bunch of misfit toys. Can somebody say internment camp?
     After disposing of the North Pole's arch enemy, both Rudolph and Hermie are accepted back into society. Then, when Christmas is on the verge of being cancelled due to a dense fog, Santa has the audacity to ask Rudolph to lead the sleigh. Rudolph graciously agrees.
     If it were me, I would have had a two word response for Old Saint Nick, and it would not have been Merry Christmas!
     I give this Christmas movie two candy canes. This movie provides few likable characters. If not for the great soundtrack, this may have only gotten one candy cane.
     The second classic for review is Santa Claus is Coming to Town. A baby is raised by Jingle Kringle, Bingle Kringle, and Dingle Kringle. Is it any wonder that each of these three short little fellas remained a single Kringle? Baby Kris Kringle grows up to become an outlaw who breaks into houses in order to leave toys for the kids of Somber Town. One disturbing moment occurs when Santa sings the following lyrics... "If you sit on my lap today, a kiss a toy is the price you pay." Okay, my kids are not hanging out with this guy anytime soon.
     Somber Town is ruled by a mean man with the greatest name ever... Burgermeister Meisterburger. Fitting name for the leader of Somber Town. Seriously, would you move to a place called Somber Town?
     Yeah, we were going to move to Depressionville or Down in the Dump Land before we found a 
quaint little condo in Somber Town. 
     'Coming to Town does get us our first introduction to Mrs. Claus, the busty, former school marm named Jessica. Typically, I would not make a reference to her ample bosom... but it is distracting. Good thing too, because she has a totally forgettable, boring solo in the middle of the show that adds nothing to the story. 
     I give this Christmas classic three candy canes. Very informative and historically accurate as it gives the history of Santa, but at times, kind of boring... and at times, kind of creepy.
     The final Christmas classic up for evaluation is The Year Without a Santa Claus. Once again, Santa is a bit of a disappointment as he laments the fact that... Nobody believes in me, Mama. It looks like... I'm gonna be canceling Christmas this year. 
     Nobody likes a whiny baby and nobody likes a man who calls his wife Mama. But with the help of Mrs. Claus and two idiot elves named Jingle and Jangle, Santa's faith in the children is restored and Christmas is saved.
     Christmas was saved by the children's belief in Santa, and this movie was saved by the writer's belief in Mother Nature's children. Of course, I am talking about the Heat Miser and the Snow Miser. These two scene stealers give new meaning to sibling rivalry. Snow Miser is the cool brother that everyone loves, especially around Christmas time. Heat Miser struggles with his brother's popularity.
     I am sure that Heat Miser gets tired of hearing about how great his brother is... how smart his brother is... what a great athlete his brother is... what a great coach his brother is... if only he could be "more like his brother." This is why I hate Jeff. Oh... wait... Did I just say I hate my older brother Jeff? I'm sorry... The Snow Miser... I meant to say that this is why I hate the Snow Miser.
     Of the three shows, The Year is my favorite. Despite Santa's shaky start, he delivers, pardon the pun, in the end. I give this show four candy canes.
     I hope that these reviews come in handy and that you all have the opportunity to sit back and enjoy the Christmas season.
     Don't be frantic. Don't leave your kids home alone. And most importantly, try to stay focused at Mass.