Funny Guy Friday… The Most Wonderful (Party) Time of the Year...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband, Mark. So, I married a Funny Guy!
     Let's see, it is ten days before Christmas, so let's check my list:
           Lights up. Check.
           Tree up. Check.
           Tree decorated. Check.
           Tree still standing. Check. Check. Check.
           Shopping completed. Check.
     I am good to go. The only thing left to do is party, and this weekend it is party central at our house. (If you could see me right now, I am punching my right fist up in the air in a circular type motion and "woofing" like a dog.) Let me explain. The parties, not the woofing!
     The year before Cheryl and I were married, we (along with my roommate at the time) decided to host a Christmas party and invite everyone that we knew….everyone we knew was invited to my then-tiny little house with a living room, a kitchen and a basement. We had over 100 people piled into that house that first year; most of them were either single or newly married and very few had kids. It was packed, and it was a blast.
     In the early years, my former boss graciously donated a keg of beer with the only condition being that I had to go pick it up at his bar near Baltimore. He did not tell me that the keg was in the walk-in freezer in the basement, with little room to maneuver up the steps, and that nobody would be there to help get it up those narrow steps. That first year, I went by myself. I never made that mistake again. I couldn't even drink the beer that first year because it didn't mix well with the meds that I needed for my back.
     If memory serves me correctly, the keg ran out at about 10:15. We had gone way over budget (even with the donated keg), so I had to pass a hat around to collect money to make another beer run. I chuckle at the fact that we went way over budget because I don't remember having much besides wine, beer, carrots, celery, chips and dip at that first party.
     That celebration lasted until about 3 a.m. When the last guest was leaving, she drunkenly mumbled that she was glad that she was not the last one to leave. I informed her that she was, in fact, the last one to leave. She informed me that there were still about ten people going strong down in the basement.
     Sure enough, they were still down there. I told them that I was going to bed, but that they were welcome to stay and lock up when they left. Heck, I sold that house eleven years ago. As far as I know, they could still be hanging out down in that basement.
     We continued to have that party every year for about fifteen years, and it was interesting to see the evolution. People started having kids and the party kept getting shorter and shorter. Kids ruin everything! The food became more important than the drink, and we went from kegs to inexpensive domestic beer bottles.
     About six years ago, when my brother-in-law Ray got a job as a liquor distributor, I figured he could hook me up. I told him that my beer budget was about $120 and he said no problem. He brought in all kinds of imported and seasonal beers. I was thinking that he must have got some great discounts. He then advised that I owed him more than $300. Wait a second, what happened to my beer budget! The whole party usually didn't cost me more than $300. He informed me that I was an adult now and it was time for me to buy big boy beverages. I never knew that my brother-in-law thought of me as Peter Pan. I never liked my brother-in-law.
     In 2009, we skipped the party because my nephew got married in Florida during the usual week of the party. Then we skipped another year because we enjoyed the relaxation of not having the party the year my nephew got married in Florida as much, or more, than we enjoyed having the party. But I should point out that we were never party-less this time of year as my office annually hosts a HUGE shindig for Christmas.
     The office party is quite a production. It is a catered affair with over 500 guests. We shut the office down on Thursday afternoon and Friday and we transform the law office into a party house with an open bar, a separate martini bar, and a separate wine room. We have a huge conference room with a buffet including salmon, turkey or beef, vegetables and rice along with a smaller conference room with desserts. On a separate floor, we have another buffet with finger foods and small sandwiches; and my personal favorite, a raw oyster bar. On the top floor we have live music. Every floor has buckets full of beer.
     Think of putting on a wedding reception every year and you get the idea. It is a pretty awesome production, and it is safe to say we spend more than $300---Take that Raymond!
     Two years ago, a local politician approached me at the office party and asked me my name. I had met her several times before and may have even spoken to her a time or two that very night. Oh, by the way, I was also wearing a name tag. I told her my name and she looked me up and down and said No, that's not it. I assured her that I was who I said I was. She then asked me where I worked. I informed her that I work right in the very building where we were standing, sharing a drink together. She again told me that is not right. I told her that I was not sure of a lot of things in my life, but two things that I was a 100% sure of were who I was and where I worked.  I volunteered to show her my i.d. and the name on the sign out front.
     I never did convince her and I remember thinking that everyone always knew me at my house party.
     Which brings me back to this weekend. We decided to resurrect the house party in addition to the office party. The main reason that we went back to the house party is because my mother decided that she was not going to host her annual family Italian Christmas dinner. For those of you that don't know my family, whenever we have a get-together like that, we are talking about having as many as 40-60 people depending on who is in town. I told my mother that we could host the family dinner at our house and that everyone else would prepare the food. She declined my offer so Cheryl and I decided to go back to the house party.
     We sent out the evites (another new and innovative thing that I hate) inviting everyone over for an open house on December 17th. A few days later, I got a call from my brother advising that his boys were all going to be at my house on the 18th.
     The 18th! Huh? Uh, no, you mean the 17th, don't you? No he meant the 18th for the family dinner. But, er, uh, mom said she didn't want to have that dinner. Did you talk to her? No, he did not talk to her but he had heard some rumblings about her not wanting to have the dinner. Uh, yeah, I thought that since she didn't want to have her dinner, then her dinner would not be had. 
     To this, he gave the most common sense response that I have ever heard. If mom dies are we never going to get together for Christmas as a family. Have the family dinner and invite mom, if she comes, she comes, if she doesn't than she doesn't---my guess is that she will be there.
     HOUSE PARTY ON THE 17TH---FAMILY DINNER ON THE 18TH. Woo hoo!!! (again, I am doing that arm raising, woofing thing!)
     What the heck, we will only have to clean the house one time! But I swear, if one person at either of those two get-togethers doesn't know who I am, I am throwing them out in the street.
     If you happen to be in the area on the evening of the 17th, please feel free to stop by and please bring only your Christmas joy. If you did not get an evite, it is because we did not have your email address.
     If your last name is the same as mine, or if you are married to or dating someone with the same last name as mine, please come on the 18th and please bring an appetizer, bread, a dessert, beer or wine. You are not allowed in empty-handed.
     There, I think that covers just about everything until New Year's.
     Merry Christmas.