Funny Guy Friday... What did I do to deserve this?

    Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So... I married a funny guy...
    This past Saturday, Cheryl helped organize a woman's retreat at our church. The next day, on the way to Mass, she was reciting the list of women who had attended. There were more than a hundred women, so it was a long list. I mean a long, looooong list. I knew most of them, but then she mentioned a name with which I was not familiar, and I asked a very simple question... Who is she?
    You know who she is. 
    No, no.  I do not know who she is. 
    She is kinda tall, blonde... graduated with my brother. She helps with the children's choir. Very pretty... with a beautiful voice.
    But sweetie, I only have eyes for you... and ears for you! 
    Okay, I know that I exaggerate the truth a bit, but I have to be perfectly honest... I really did not say I only have eyes for you and ears for you. I said...  
    Still not ringing a bell. I don't recall ever going to Mass with the children's choir.
    Yes you did; on that Feast of Mary... all the singing groups were at Mass.
    I do remember I had arrived late... I made a joke about the men in the choir eating all the kids in the children's choir, but I never noticed any tall blonde leading the kids. For all I know, she was just another victim during the Feast of the Kids' Choir. 
    At this point, Gracie chimed in:
    You know who she is dad; she is tall and blonde. 
    Okay, we have established tall and blonde... sounds like I'd like to meet her... but I still do not know who she is.
    At this point both Cheryl and Grace got upset with me.
    You're not trying.
    I'm not trying? What are you talking about?
    Whenever you don't understand something, you shut down. 
    I don't know the tall, pretty, blonde woman who runs the children's choir. I understand that I do not know the woman, and I am neither ashamed nor confused by this fact. I don't know the woman.  
    This battle was not over. Once we arrived at church and got settled into our pew, Grace and Cheryl scouted the woman out. In the middle of the Gloria, Grace pointed her out to me.
    Oh, the woman between the two tall guys?
    That's her husband and her son. Her son went on retreat with us.  
    Yeah, I know him, I think. Big kid... went on retreat with us? 
    Yes, yes, you know her, too.
    No, no, I don't. In fact, I was going to say I did not know her even if I did.... but I don't. So there! Are you going to get mad again?
    Mom is right, you don't try!  
    How is it that I am the bad guy here? I didn't deserve that. I was just minding my own business, not knowing someone, and all of the sudden, I get attacked.
    This was not the only time during the week that I would suffer such an undeserved assault.
    Late Sunday night, Cheryl came down with the stomach flu. I like to think this was God's way of paying her back for the way she had treated me on the drive to Mass. I could be wrong now... but I don't think so.   
    Anyway, she was completely out of it on Monday so I told the kids to stay out of our room and be quiet. I checked on her now and again, but she was either asleep or in the bathroom. Being the good husband that I am, I even did about ten loads of laundry.
    Tuesday was more of the same for Cheryl, but I had to go to work. When I got home, I got the kids fed (Actually, I made Gracie feed the kids, but I ordered it, so I am taking credit for it), and I readied Matthew for his CCD class.
    After dropping him off, I attended the first session of a program that the Church is putting on during Lent. It was Cheryl's idea for us to participate. She has never met a church function that she did not want to try, but since she was sick, I decided to go by myself... all by myself... alone... without Cheryl... at a church function... solo... alone... at church!
   Certainly, this would make my sick little girl happy.
   When I got home, she asked how things had gone.
   Fine. It was good.
   Tell me. 
   It was like the first day of class, when they hand out the syllabus, nothing too exciting. Oh, I did get approached about organizing and running a men's retreat. 
   Tell me about that. 
   What's to tell... I got asked to organize and run a men's retreat like the one you just did.  
   That was it. I knew Cheryl had to still be feeling the effects of the flu because my bare bones  description of the conversation would not typically suffice.
   Wednesday morning, Cheryl was up early and hopped in the shower. I was shaving when she revisited the whole men's retreat topic.
   I told you last night, I was asked to organize a men's retreat at the church.  
   That's it? I want a story. I need a story... something linear... with a nice beginning that develops the characters taking part in the conversation... a middle that begins to tie together all the loose ends... and a thrilling conclusion that wraps up the whole story in a nice tidy package complete with a bow. You give me nothing. Forget it, I have to work too hard with you. Oh, and by the way, I just threw over the dirty clothes from our bathroom that you must have walked over for the past three days.  And you know, it might have been nice for the kids to have checked on me every once in a while when I was sick.  
   Feeling better, honey?  
   Yes. A little.
   Are you really feeling better?
   Yes, I am feeling better.
   Then can you iron a shirt for me?  
   I have already done too much today, and I am going to lie back down.
   That was it. 7:45 a.m. and she was back in bed under the covers leaving me to fend for myself. This, after all I had done for her.
   What did I do to deserve this fate?
    I had done the laundry.
    I had checked on her every once in a while.
    I had kept the kids away from her so she could rest.
    I had attended the church thing... by myself, I might add.
    Forget it, it is obvious that I can't do enough around my house, so I am going to concentrate all of my efforts on that men's retreat thing. Cheryl tells me the first thing I have to do is to come up with a topic.
    I wonder if the priests have any insight on a husband's role in keeping a marriage healthy.
    Forget it... There's only one hope for the husband... Divine Intervention.