Funny Guy Friday... Take me out to the ballgame...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     We are at the beach this week with Matthew's team for a baseball tournament.
     I have had the pleasure of coaching baseball for the past twenty-five years at various levels, and my goal has always been the same... don't screw the kids up, and make them want to come back and play the following year. I have enjoyed coaching 95% of the kids on my teams over the years and would love to coach them again. The other 5%; you know who you are. You do not necessarily have to come back and play for me... if you know what I am saying.
     I got involved in coaching as a result of my brother, Jeff. You would think it was as result of a nice long conversation but you would be wrong. Like many things that I do with my brother, it was a monologue.
     Hey, you would agree that you and I benefited from good coaching when we played.
     Sure, we had....
     And you would  agree that a lot of people put in a lot of time preparing us to play college baseball.
     Sure, there was but....
     And you would agree that we should give something back to the community as a result of all those coaches that gave up time for us.
     I suppo......
     Great, I just signed you up to coach a 13-year-old baseball team. Send a letter telling the Boys Club what your coaching credentials are.
     But I have never coached before.
     It doesn't matter, you know more than they do. Besides, they don't have anyone to coach the team and they have a practice tomorrow night. I will come and help get things started. 
     He came to only one or two practices, but I will say, he is a great baseball coach... so I was able to learn a lot from him.
     When I first started coaching, I was single and could schedule practices whenever I had a field. I had a field three or four nights a week with games on the weekends. Then I got married to a very understanding wife and had to sprinkle in a date every now and again.
     Then we had our first child, and Cheryl loved her so much, she didn't care if I were around or not. Then the second one came along, and my very understanding wife required more than a lousy date every now and again... she actually wanted me around to help raise the little guys.
     What's that? The first one was a girl? Oh okay, she actually wanted me around to help raise the little girl and the little guy.
     She and I did have a conversation... not a monologue like with my brother. The bottom line is that I lost the monologue with my brother Jeff... and I lost the dialogue with my wife Cheryl.
     I took a few years off but got back into it when Matthew started playing. Once Cheryl's baby boy was involved, she was all in. Practice, practice, practice. She was crazy... I had to reign her in.
     Matthew was six and was playing coach-pitch. That meant that I got to pitch to a bunch of six and seven-year-olds. Not that I like to relive my glory days... but... I kind of liked the idea of striking out a bunch of kindergarteners. Unfortunately, I learned that I was supposed to let the kids hit the ball. For most of them, I was trying to hit their bat with little success.
     Coaching this age group was a very different experience for me. I was used to kids having skills that we would try to refine. These kids looked at me like I had two heads when I told them to get a partner and start to warm up. But, Coach... it's not even cold out here.
     I asked if they had ever played catch before with their parents in the back yard and got blank stares.  No? Then why are you here?  
     So our first practice we spent the entire time learning how to warm up... i.e. learning how to catch, and showing them how to hold the bat... not swing... just hold the bat. I went from saying things like You are casting your hands... you need to stay inside the ball when you swing... to Are you a rightie or a leftie? 
     When we got back in the car after that very first practice, Cheryl told me that the parents thought I was so patient. I told Cheryl that I was ready to put my head through the window. As always, Cheryl got all religious on me... God put each of those kids with you for a reason. Figure out why, and make it work. 
     Maybe one of those kids knows first aid, and God put them with me so they can treat my wounds when I put my head through the window. Did you ever think of that? 
     I had two girls on that first team, and one of them wore a skirt to every practice and to every game. After each game I would give out bubble gum to the kids for outstanding play... orrrrrr... the best
bubble gum chewer... the skinniest kid on the team... the fastest runner... and then there was Emily's award... the best skirt of the night. She won that award every game.
     I got a piece of gum for being the most creative coach.
     I thought Emily hated me and hated baseball. I thought that because Emily told me, on several occasions, that she hated me and hated baseball. When the season ended, I was surprised when she hugged me an started to cry: Coach Mark, you are the best coach I ever had. Emily was only six at the time, so I was pretty sure I was the only coach she'd ever had. No matter, the best is the best! What can I say, that's how I roll.
     Each year brings different challenges and different personalities... hence the challenges.
     This year was no different. We changed organizations and had to add few new players. One thing that I learned from my brother Jeff... in the two practices that he assisted me with several years ago... the best team is not always made up of the best players. You need to have kids that will work together as a team... that will not complain about their roles... and that will get along.
     We did not have a lot of choices to make this year because we did not have many kids try out. However, the choices that we did make were the correct ones. For the most part, the kids always worked together, they never complained about their roles, and they always got along. In fact, after every practice and every game, I'd ask if anyone had any questions, and someone would always ask, Where are we going to eat? Typically, it was The Greene Turtle.
     Oh, and by the way, they played really well. They finished first in our overall league play, before losing in the final game of the league tournament. They also won two other tournaments.
     All of this, in spite of their coach.
     For a variety of reasons, this was the most fun that I've ever had coaching. Maybe it was the circumstances that brought the kids together. Maybe because the team had success. Maybe because Matthew had some success. Maybe it was just the group of kids (and just as important, the parents, because if they were complaining about me, they were doing it behind my back, so I couldn't hear it. Just how I prefer it to be).
     I suppose, it is for all of these reasons, plus a few more.
     The tournament we are in right now is not going so well. In our second game, we got thumped pretty good by a professional 12-year-old team from Pennsylvania, New York and Ohio. That's right, three states. Did I mention that these kids were all built like men? Six-foot men with broad shoulders. I can tell you this, those kids are not eating at the Greene Turtle every night.
     So what do you say after getting beaten so badly. I tell them what I always tell them: you are playing a game where you fail more than you succeed, so a good baseball player has to have a short memory. Forget about it and get ready for tomorrow.  Then I handed out bubble gum to the player with the nicest skirt. Did you forget that Emily said that I was the best coach she ever had? It had to be the bubble gum.
     The sad apart is that this will be our last time together as a team because we are done after this weekend. Some of the kids will have another year as 12-year-olds, and others will move up, but each one says he will play again next year.
     I suppose I did achieve my goal at the start of the season... I didn't screw anybody up. At least I don't think I did... and none of the parents complained... at least not to me!
     Sad to see another season come to an end, but on the up side... fall ball starts in three weeks.