Funny Guy Friday... Growing pains... not just for kids...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     I was driving Grace to our church this morning where she is volunteering at Vacation Bible School. She was in a bit of a panic because she could not find her phone. Not sure why a person who volunteers to take care of young children at VBS needs a cell phone, but I suppose that the church gets  what it pays for.
     She mentioned that this was the second time in the past few days that she has "lost" her phone.
     Wow, this is kind of like when you are dating someone... and you start doing stuff without him... and you realize that maybe you don't need that boy after all... and you break up with him. Perhaps you and your phone should take a break from one another. 
     This seemed like a perfectly good analogy to me.
     Grace did not like my analogy. In fact, Grace was appalled. Of course I don't need a break. I love that phone more than anything in the world. We do not need to take a break. I need that phone. In fact, I am worried about him... and I want him with me all the time. 
     Him? Really?
     There was a time... way back when... when Grace loved me more than anything in the world. I was the man. I could do no wrong. We danced, we played, and we sang. Now her phone does all that stuff... and more. That phone can do everything. I hate him... er... uh... that phone. I cannot imagine when she brings home some "real life boy" and starts going on and on about how great he is.
     Oh Daddy, he is sooo smart. You will love him... he is going to go to law school... and he is the third best player on his church softball team. 
     Big deal. I am already a lawyer... and was All-Met in baseball... and played at the University of Maryland back in the day... and then I played softball in a real men's league. 
     Oh Daddy, the thing I like best about Frederick (I just made that name up because it annoys me) is that he never takes things too seriously and is not very competitive. 
     Not competitive? I am the king of non-competitive. Nobody is less competitive than I. Call him and get him over here... and we will play a game of one-on-one... and I will let him win. Of course, that is the only way that loser could beat me... and you will see... I am not competitive at all! 
     Oh Daddy, you will love him.
     I doubt it. In fact, I don't even know who this kid will be, but I am going to avoid the Christmas rush and start hating him right now.
     The fact is that Gracie is growing up. She is currently taking driving lessons and will be getting her learner's permit in the next few weeks. She has started to look at colleges and is hoping to leave us next year to live at some far-away campus. She may even be starting a job in the next week or two.
     Yes, indeed, she is growing up.
     I am terrified about her growing up.
     I am terrified about her driving. I have allowed her to drive in the empty parking lot at the local baseball park, and she nearly knocked over a Jiffy John. But that is not why I am terrified. I am terrified because, soon, she will be going out there. Untethered and alone. Without me.
     I am terrified about her going to college. I am sure that she will do fine, but... I won't be there. I want her to stay at home and go to the local community college for a year or two and then go off to the University. In fact, when she was fourteen, she agreed to the community college plan, and now she has changed her mind. She used to always think that my plans were the best plans. Now she is thinking for herself, and as a result, my life is going down the toilet.
     Soon, that dumb-ass Frederick will be making decisions for her. Have I mentioned how much I hate that guy?
     The other night, Grace was a little overwhelmed by the day's events and excused herself from a room full of people. She called me into the other room and kind of broke down and told me what was bothering her. The things that were bothering her were fairly insignificant, but I reassured her, and told her that it would all work out. No big deal!
     This is how it is supposed to be. I assess the problem. I come up with a solution. I reassure her, and everything works out. Problem solved! Then, I hug her and tell her I love her. All is good in the world.
     Now that I think about it, maybe her stupid phone can't do everything.
     What it really comes down to is this... I want my little girl back... forever.
     I know that this is not possible, and that she is growing up no matter what I want. She is now a baby woman, and there are many great adventures still out there for her. I also realize that I will be part of most of those adventures... just a smaller part.
     When people say that growing up is hard, I really think that they are talking about it being hard for the parents, not the kids. Heck, the kids seem to have it pretty easy. I suppose this is something that Gracie will understand when she and Frederick have their own children.
     Wow, the thought of Gracie being married and having her own kids brings one thought to my mind... Have I mentioned how much I hate that guy Frederick?