Funny Guy Friday... Left, right, left...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     I consider myself to be a bit of a snappy dresser. I always chuckle when people ask me if my wife dresses me. I have way better fashion sense than she. I actually care if my socks are the right tone of beige and that my tie hits at the exact right place on my belt. She just smiles with amusement whenever I change, readjust or tinker.
     I live by the credo, If you can't be a good lawyer, at least look like a good lawyer!
     On Tuesday, I woke up, got dressed, and as I often do, checked my look in the mirror. I looked good, if I do say so myself. I did not have court so there was no suit... just a simple oxford shirt with a nice, freshly pressed pair of slacks. I was ready to take on the day.
     As I got out of my car and walked into my office, I was talking on my phone with my head down. Suddenly I noticed that something was amiss. As I put my left foot forward, my shoe was a nice black loafer with tassels. Awesome shoes, but what was I thinking. I had on khakis with a beige shirt... why had I put on black shoes? As I mentioned, I am somewhat girlie when it comes to fashion, and I would never wear black shoes with khakis. Never.
     This was a disaster!
     Then I put my right foot forward... I saw a nice brown loafer with tassels. Ahh, that's better, I thought to myself. I must have been seeing things in the morning sun when I thought I saw that black shoe, and so, I continued into the office.
     Disaster averted!
     I went up the stairs and onto the second floor past my secretaries. I greeted them and again looked down and again saw the black mirage on my left foot. This time I kept my head down for three steps. Black... brown... black. It actually made me dizzy!
     Clear disaster!
     What to do? There was no way I was going to walk around all day with two different colored shoes.  I had to get to a store and buy a pair of shoes!
     There is only one store near my office that sells shoes, but it did not open until 10 a.m. So I had to sneak around my office for an hour... then sneak into the store... way in the back to the shoe section to get a matching pair. The nice lady in the store asked if I needed help, but I quickly blew her off. There was no way I was going to let this lady see what the nicely dressed idiot had done.
     After much angst... I did not really need new dress shoes, so I had to get a pair that looked good with nice freshly pressed khakis but that I could still wear with a pair of jeans... I finally settled on a pair of brown Dockers. Problem solved, and nobody was the wiser. I stuffed my mix matched shoes in the box and donned my new shoes as I went to check out.
     The nice lady that I had blown off completed the transaction. Unfortunately, she was not a nice lady at all... she was a big fat busy body. She had to go and stick her big nose into my shoe box before she stuffed it into the shopping bag.
     She looked... she paused... she looked again... and then she looked at me.
     I smiled and told her that I have a pair just like them at home! 

     A few days later, I had the unfortunate need to wear my black shoes... both of them this time... to a wake. A beautiful woman from my hometown passed away.
     She had raised eight children, so naturally people of all ages came to pay their respects.
     I played baseball with her oldest son back in the day... and I coached three of her younger boys along the way. I know most of her kids pretty well, and I know many of their friends too.
     Having said all that, I always leave these things realizing that I am no longer a young man.
     I was greeted by many of the kids that I coached more than a decade ago, and they suddenly referred to me as Mr. Palumbo. First of all, I am not Mr. Palumbo. That name will always be reserved for my Dad. When these kids were 11 and 12 years old, I might have been Coach Mark, but I was never Mr. Palumbo.                  
     Second, the fact that I refer to thirty-year-old men as kids, is further proof of my aging.
     And lastly, among the people who went out for a beer after the wake were these kids, and when I saw them at the bar my first thought was... Do their parents know that they are out at a bar on a school night? 
      The wake was part of a beautiful celebration of this woman's life. She was a kind, faith-filled woman who was devoted to her husband and to her children. One son described her as simple and from another era... a better era in my opinion. Her legacy is her family... specifically that she infused her family with her steadfast faith... and when she reaches heaven, she will surely be rewarded for a job well done.
       Please keep Judy Wells and her family in your prayers.