Funny Guy Friday... Mawwage...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     We walked the church grounds, hand in hand, having some of the most serious discussions we have ever had about our marriage. We did not discuss the kids, my job, or the work that had to be done around the house. We talked about the good, and we talked about the bad. It was a heartfelt effort to strengthen the bonds of love that we had pledged to each other more than two decades ago.
     Okay, full disclosure... when we had these discussions, it was Cheryl doing all of the talking and I said things like... Uh huh... Sure... Yeah, yeah... I agree... I know. 
     And get this, typically, I said these things at the appropriate times, tricking Cheryl into thinking that I was actually paying attention.
     At one point she told me: You need to agree to do more things that will strengthen our marriage.   
     Liiiike agreeing to go on an all-day marriage retreat? 
     Yes! That is exactly what I mean! she said excitedly.
     Well... cross that off the list because here I am... walking hand in hand around the grounds of the church... listening to you talk... and except for a few texts trying to find out how the boys did in their basketball games, I haven't thought of our kids one time! Oh... maybe two times... Gracie wants to go to a movie tonight!
     If you haven't guessed yet, last Saturday, Cheryl and I attended a marriage retreat at our church.
     I must admit, Cheryl used her usual tricks to get me to go. You know how she works it... on Monday, she asks if I want to go and I say no. Same thing on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Then, on Saturday, she tells me that anybody who is anybody will be there and that two of my favorite people, Mike and Michelle, are leading it. So, in an effort to appease her and prevent her from asking me again on Sunday, I say... Oh, okay, maybe! I will think about it! Never really intending to think about it.
     That was the chink in the armor that she was looking for, so she immediately booked us a spot for the day.
     With the lone exception of Cheryl always bugging me about ways to improve it, my thought was that our marriage was just fine. Why do we have to go on some silly Catholic retreat?
     Well, let me tell you...
     We started the day off with Mass. The first reading was about how King David had sent his faithful soldier Uriah to certain death so that he could have Uriah's wife Bathsheba for himself.
     Great start to the marriage retreat! I wondered, do I love Cheryl enough to have killed her first husband so that I could be with her? The priest admonished that the church would not recognize such a coupling, so I let that thought go. Just so you know... I was leaning towards no on the whole murder the other guy thing!
     On a side note, once the actual retreat started. I could not help but notice that Mike of the Mike and Michelle "two of my favorite people" leadership couple was conspicuously missing.
     It appears that Mike had a shooting lesson that he had previously scheduled with his grandkids... you know, in the event that one of them ever has to knock off some girl's husband. So, somehow he got permission to be late!
     After Mass, the rest of the retreat consisted of two morning talks followed by each couple breaking away for discussion, lunch, time for confession, an hour of Adoration, a couples blessing, and the renewal of vows.
     A visiting priest, Father Wilson, led the retreat.
     People may wonder what a priest would have to offer to a group of married couples ranging from newlyweds to 60 year vets. The answer is... quite a bit. To be honest, it was as if he were right there with me whenever Cheryl and I argue.
     He pointed out that priests are married... to the Church, the perfect spouse.
     And all this time, I thought I was the perfect spouse!
     Father Wilson's first discussion dealt with the Holiness of Marriage and the Family as laid out during Vatican II. On a side note, as a converted Catholic, I notice that Catholics say the words "Ever since Vatican II..." quite a bit. I digress.
     A portion of a handout included the following:
     For God Himself is the author of marriage... and has endowed it with various benefits and with various ends in view: all of these have very important bearing on the continuation of the human race... on the personal development and eternal destiny of every member of the family... on the dignity, stability, peace, and prosperity of the family and the whole human race.
     Wow! Talk about pressure.
     I looked at Cheryl and told her that we need to work on this marriage thing so we get it right... for the good of the whole human race. No more fooling around!
     Then Father went on to explain that we should strive for perfect love in our marriages, like the love that Jesus has for His Church. Some may think that that relationship did not end very well for Jesus. Certainly man got the better end of the deal. So... after that, instead of thinking about whether I would knock off Cheryl's first husband so I could have her for myself, I began to consider... Would I give up my life for her?
     Just so you know... I am leaning towards yes on this one. It would be the right thing to do and kind of heroic on my part, don't you think.
     Father Wilson then went on to explain that it is our duty as a spouse to make sure that our partners make it to Heaven. This was encouraging for me because Cheryl takes this stuff very seriously, so I should be covered. Conversely, I just have to get out of her way and Cheryl should be good!
     The second talk discussed a passage from 1st Corinthians. You all know it; you all love it; you all have heard it at most of the weddings you have attended.
     Love is patient... love is kind... love is blah blah blah... love is blah blah blahtty blah blah!
     Now substitute your name in there and see what you get. Go ahead... do it!
     Yeah. That's what happened to me... not a pretty picture.
     But the good news is that we can continue to strive to be that perfect love, and it is Cheryl's responsibility to make sure I get there.
     Perhaps the best part of the day was Adoration and the renewal of our vows.
     Someone in the group pointed out the awesomeness of what had occurred. We stood before the Real Presence of Almighty God in the Holy Eucharist exposed... and we renewed our vows.
     I felt blessed and embarrassed at the same time. Blessed to be part of the whole experience... and embarrassed by the fact that I giggled like a eight-year-old throughout the whole thing. Why did I giggle you ask? Father Mike told us that it would be just like the day we were married.
     I will start you with "I (state your name), take thee, (state her name) to be my lawfully wedded wife."
     Simple enough. So Father started us off with "I"... and I took it from there. Only I did not just state my first name, I stated my first and my last name... to my wife... whom I have been married to for more than twenty years... you know... just in case she forgot which Mark she was marrying.
     When I realized that I had fully identified myself, I began to chuckle.
     Poor Cheryl was staring at me with her beautiful smile and her bright, soft eyes... looking every bit as gorgeous as she did on the day we were married... and I could not stop giggling. So Cheryl did what any woman would do in her position, she ran her tongue across her teeth, assuming that she had something stuck there.
     At this point, I was out of control... and it all happened right in front of our most Honored Guest.
     Getting me to Heaven is not going to be easy. My girl has her work cut out for her.  
     We concluded the retreat by writing a Valentine. Not to get too mushy but...
   
Cheryl,  
     As we renewed our wedding vows today, I could only think of one thought... yes, yes, a thousand times, yes. I have never questioned my decision to spend my life with you and would never change a thing. Each week I pray for our family and thank God for your presence in our lives. You provide guidance for all of us and lead us by your example. You are a definition of God's love. 
     No matter what happens, you know that I love you more than anything on this earth and will always be here for you. 
     I love you!
                          Mark Palumbo  

    When all was said and done, it was a pretty good retreat. I hope I can convince Cheryl to go again next year.