Funny Guy Friday... Live by the quiz... Die by the quiz...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     Okay, I have to ask... are you Larry, Curly or Moe? Are you George, Paul, John or Ringo? Are you a goat, a tarantula, a giraffe, or a snake? Oh, I know, you are a MONKEY because you are taking all these silly quizzes that ask silly questions to determine what flower you would be if you were a flower, what drink you'd be if you were a drink, what animal you'd be if you were an animal, or what person you'd be if you were a... person.
     If you troll around Facebook long enough, you have to have seen someone post the results of their quiz. If I were a food, I would be a _______, what are you? If I lived in another time period, I would have lived in the ______, how about you? If I were a food, I would be a ______, how about you? And my personal favorite, If I were a potato, I would be ______... What potato would you be? 
     I think you get the picture!  It's a bunch of milarky!
     How do I know about all these silly quizzes, you ask?
     Because I take them, that's how!
     Cheryl makes me... but even if she didn't, how could I resist? I mean who hasn't lain awake at night wondering what Star Wars character they are. By the way, that one is not accurate because I am nothing like Jar Jar Binks. That dude is obnoxious, annoying and funny looking. I, on the other hand, am obnoxious, annoying and handsome. See the difference?
     Up until recently, Cheryl was all in. She has taken them all, boasting of the wonderful results she has achieved with her thoughtful answers to all those penetrating questions. Every answer leads to an eloquent, albeit occasionally foul-mouthed, recap of the positive characteristics of a snap dragon or Disney's Belle or a cosmopolitan martini. After reading aloud these enlightening personality sketches (i.e. she is a feisty, fragrant woman... who has been forced to live with a beast... while leading a stylish, trendy lifestyle) she always comments... I think that is me to a tee!  
     Really? I don't think she was ever forced to live with a beast!
     Did you notice that earlier I said "up until recently?" Yeah, she used to love these little quizzes until she took the one called: Which of the 12 Apostles are you?
     She was very excited to take this one. She was sure she was going to be Peter "the Rock" who happened to be Jesus's pick to lead the church. She thoughtfully answered  every question trying to give Pope-like answers... good Catholic answers like Pope Benedict or Pope John Paul might have given. You remember those kinds of answers. They were clear answers that were consistent with the teachings of the Catholic faith. More importantly, the Vatican was never required to scramble around for days trying to explain what they really meant!
     I think you get what I mean.
     Anyway, she was very excited as the computer tallied up her responses.
     Drum roll, please...........
     Judas Iscariot.
     That's right... she isn't Peter the Rock, she is Judas the Betrayer.
     Who knew?
     At first, she tried to run from this scientific fact.
     No way! I'm not Judas! This is not right. I'm retaking the test.
     Of course, I was sympathetic to her plight: You can't retake the test, Judas. You are what you are. You were happy when you got sushi, you were satisfied with Princess Amidala, and you were just giddy about living in Italy during the Renaissance... now you poo-poo Judas? No, you are Judas. That is what the testing shows, traitor... er... uh... Cheryl. 
     Fine... I suppose there is a little Judas in all of us, she said, apparently trying to come to grips with her fate.
     Don't try to pawn your Judas onto everyone else. You couldn't get me to be Judas for... 30 pieces of silver! Which I know you have... because you're Judas!
     Defeated, she worried: I will never live this down!
     Don't worry, honey, nobody will ever know! Hee hee hee.
     Hey... Live by the quiz. Die by the quiz.
     Ah... but these quizzes are contagious and have spread to the kids.
     Matthew brags that he "aces all these tests!" He claims to get all the "cool results." For instance he is Luke Skywalker, ice cream, The Incredibles, Flash, and Saint James.
    Dude, what is so cool about Saint James? Did he blog on Fridays?
    No. He is cool because he ain't Judas! 
    In an ironic twist, Grace took time out of her work schedule at California Tortilla to find out that she is a burrito. You are what you eat.
    As for me, evidently I'd like to party with Meryl Streep. I don't even like Meryl Streep. What a terrible twist of fate for a guy that looks like a cross between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt... with the rocking personality of Jar Jar Binks... to have to hang out all night with Meryl Streep.
    What could possibly be worse?
    Oh, I know. I could have been stuck partying with Judas.