Funny Guy Friday… Doing nothing...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     "There is one all time greatest moment in the history of sports… and it happened in the 1932 World Series. The story goes that in the bottom of the ninth inning with two outs, a full count and the tying run on base, Babe Ruth raised his arm and pointed to the center field bleachers. No one believed it because no one had ever done it before, but the Babe was calling his shot..."
     We were a half-hour into a nine-hour drive to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, when Noah asked if we could pop The Sandlot into the DVD player. And with that first line from the greatest baseball movie ever made, we officially began our summer vacation.
     We really had not even finalized our plans until a few weeks ago.
     I had specified only one criterion for Cheryl when I asked to her to decide where we should go… I want to do nothing… nothing at all. 
     I had thought these were simple instructions that had provided a wide variety of destinations and opportunities.
     Earlier this summer, we had been invited to spend some time with friends at their lake house in northern Michigan. This was an option that intrigued Cheryl, so with my simple instructions, she hatched Plan A.
     Plan A included driving to Niagara Falls for a couple of days... and then driving to Ohio to go to the world's greatest amusement park... and then heading to the Great Wolf Lodge for an overnight… and then driving on to Michigan where we would stay with our friends for a few days before heading over to visit Mackinac Island for a day or two. Of course, at the end of our stay, we would be rewarded with an eleven-hour drive home.
     Honey, that is a lot of something… mainly driving... and it is clearly not doing nothing. In fact, it is a lot of stuff… but mostly driving! Can we please get a Plan B. 
     Sure honey... do you want to get another family to go with us… that would be fun. 
     It might be a little difficult to get another family to join us on such short notice.  
     Well, you know that our friends in Michigan invited us... we could go see them.  
     I understand... and it's not that I don't like the folks in Michigan, it is just that I don't want to do all that driving and visit our friends... and besides, this is Grace's last vacation before college.  It might be nice to just spend this one with just our family!
     Cheryl concurred, and after a few days, I was presented with Plan B.
     Plan B included a trip to Niagara Falls... followed by a drive to Ohio for amusement park fun... then a short stay at the Great Wolf Lodge before driving to Michigan to see our friends. Oh, and a day trip to  Mackinac Island.
     Honey, what am I missing? Plan B looks an awful lot like Plan A. 
     It is… but I mapped it out for you... so you could see it on paper. What do you think?
     I think it is a lot of driving… I want to do nothing… nothing at all! Don't mind some driving just not five days of driving.
     How about the beach?
     Sounds great. 
     I love the beach, the perfect place to just sit and relax and do nothing.
     I could not wait to get started. I was so anxious that I decided that we would leave on Friday night and drive halfway and get an early start on Saturday and start our week of doing nothing.
     Friday did not go as planned… we forgot that we had a dog and neglected to make plans for him and besides Noah, nobody was packed. We go on one vacation a year and we cannot remember to pack. No problem, we would get up early on Saturday, leave at the crack of dawn and get to South Carolina in time for 5:30 evening Mass. Get church knocked out of the way on Saturday and be ready to do nothing early on Sunday morning.
     Apparently, Saturday's "crack of dawn" leave time was redefined as 10:00 a.m., and you won't believe this but... there were no 9:30 evening Masses in all of South Carolina when we arrived.
     Again, no problem; we would get to the first Mass on Sunday and then we could still get an early start. Soon we would all be doing nothing as a family.
     Noah was all-in with my plan to get the week off on the right foot, but I got a little blowback from the his two older siblings. They somehow got the mistaken idea that they were on vacation and that they had done something to deserve sleeping in for a few days.
     I totally disagreed, but in the spirit of compromise I agreed to attend the eleven o'clock Mass on Sunday morning.
     Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men: the church that we selected was not there. Poof! It was gone. Evidently, we were staying in North Myrtle Beach, and not technically Myrtle Beach where the eleven-o'clock Mass church was. Worse than that, we missed the much-preferred 10 o'clock Mass at the local church, and the next Mass did not start until noon! Noon, as in, by the time the Priest is done with his homily… it is going to be 1:15 and I won't be out on the beach until after 2:00 p.m. and there won't be any good sun left for me. 
     I was not a happy camper!
     How can you be upset when all you wanted to do was nothing? We have to go to Mass and you can't just joyfully give God an hour of your time? We need to go to Mass. I can still hear your instructions… 'I just want to do nothing… nothing at all.' And she said it all in an annoying, nasally kind of way. I can assure you that God was not very happy with her at this point.
      First of all, I have no problem giving God an hour… but for some reason, that God only knows, He vanquished the church with the Mass that worked on my schedule. Second, we can still be doing something even when we are doing nothing. Lying on the beach or out by a pool qualifies as doing nothing. Third of all, I don't talk like that. Am I right, Noah? 
     I went right to Noah because I knew he shared my desire to get the ball rolling on doing nothing. He sort of nodded but added that sometimes I do talk like that.
     Ouch.
     We got settled into our pew for the noon Mass, and Cheryl got on her knees to say a prayer before things got started. A women started playing the organ in what I perceived to be the start of the service. She played and she played. She played so long that Cheryl completed her prayer and was seated back in the pew. I looked at my imaginary wrist watch and turned to Matthew and commented that she must have been the warm-up act and that they needed to get this show on the road. My thoughts about her being the warm up act were confirmed when the congregation started to clap. Seriously, who claps for the organist at Mass?
     Unfortunately, Cheryl was eavesdropping on my private conversation with my son and rolled her eyes before dropping back down on her knees to say yet another prayer... this one dedicated entirely for me.
     Mass finally ended with the congregation whipping out their Bic lighters in an attempt to coax an encore from the organist. I am just kidding about that, but it would not have surprised me.
     We, and by we, I mean Noah and I, finally made it to the beach... at about 1:45 p.m.  I must say, I was right; the beach was perfect for just sitting there and doing nothing.  
     Remember my ally, Noah?
     It turns out that he and I have very different views on "doing nothing."
     I do nothing when I am just lying there doing nothing. He, on the other hand, likes to swim or build some elaborate sand sculpture or throw the Frisbee. Why, he had us doing something the whole time we were supposed to be doing nothing. Of course, I was his only do-nothing-mate because he and I were the only ones down at the beach. The rest of the group was up in the condo... doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
     To be clear, doing nothing is acceptable, but doing absolutely nothing is unacceptable.
     What kind of vacation is that? Who bums around the condo the whole time? You can do that at home. No no no no no… I was not going to let this stand.
     Of course, when I pointed out the obvious, I was the bad guy who had to be doing something all the time! 
     Nonsense… I just want to do nothing… nothing at all.
     We seemed to find our groove as the vacation progressed.
     We never got started as early as I would have liked, but everyone seemed to get some much-needed rest. Except, of course, for me. I lay awake worrying about what I wasn't going to do the next day.
     In the end, I discovered that doing nothing can be exhausting!