Funny Guy Friday... A bullish recovery for Grandma?

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     As you may have read in last week's FGF, we had a busy week. If you thought that the week was busy, let me fill you in on how the weekend went.
     On Friday morning, as chairman of the Sacred Heart Labor Day Festival, I made a quick trip to the church to finalize a few things for Monday's big event. Specifically, we were going to move the gambling wheel (yes, we had a gambling wheel at the festival. It is a money maker and we have very low ethical standards... but to show we are not completely without morals, I did get rejected on my idea to have strippers. That is a story for a different day).
     Anyway, the Big Wheel has been in the same spot, run by the same elderly gentlemen for the past twenty years. I wanted to move it because we needed the space for a fast-pitch radar booth.
     Here is what I learned: elderly gentleman who have been doing the same thing in the same spot for twenty years are resistant to change. Most people respect what little authority I wield as chairman of the festival, but old guys don't. They just tell me no. And they are emphatic with their no... NO! We need the cover from the sun that this spot provides, and we have been in this spot forever!
     Well, we need it for the fast pitch booth. We will find you a new spot with some shade.
     There is no other place for shade, and nobody is going to do that baseball thing... and are you (and he said "you" in a kind of mean, scary voice) willing to stand out in the sun for five hours? 
     He might as well have called me a young whippersnapper at this point.
     A lot of thoughts went through my mind... mostly to remain respectful. I would have finished the old-timer off with some clever retort and a declaration that it was "my way or the highway," but another elderly gentleman arrived on the scene and informed me that the problem was resolved and that the baseball guy agreed to move. I okayed their plan but only because at this point it was two against one... and they looked pretty tough.
     Besides, I had bigger fish to fry... I had to do battle with the Catholic Insurance people over the mechanical bull that I had ordered.
     Look sir, the archdiocese has a policy on mechanical bulls!
     Are you trying to tell me that the archdiocese... with all the concerns facing the church... has taken the time to carve out a policy on mechanical bulls? I find that hard to believe. 
     It is a dangerous thing!
     Look, I am not trying to maim our parish members; I just want this to be a fun event. Can a mechanical bull be any more dangerous than the rock wall or moon bounce we are getting? 
     As soon as I said this, I knew it had been a mistake.
     Rock wall? Moon bounce? Have we okayed those?
     Uh, well. Yeah, I guess. I mean yeah. I mean we, like, have those things, like, every year. 
     I sounded like an idiot kid trying to explain why I had taken my dad's car without permission. Then I went on the offensive.
     Look, we can agree it is a dangerous ride but that is not the question... are we covered in the event the bull gores someone?
     Reluctantly, yes. But only for adults.
     No problem!
     "Adults" over four feet were good to go. All problems solved, and on to the big wedding!  
     My nephew got married on Friday afternoon at 3 p.m. in St. Mary's Church, downtown Annapolis, and I am happy to report that the traffic was manageable. Oh yeah, the Mass was absolutely beautiful. Beautiful bride, beautiful groom, handsome wedding party, and I looked awesome. Cheryl was there too! She looked okay... better than okay! Maybe even as awesome as I.
     Anyway, the reception was in Pasadena at one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen... right on the water. The only problem was that my mother was not doing well. She had been weak and confused for days. She has been staying with us for the past month and the plan had been to have her go back to Washington state with my brother Paul on Monday... to stay with his family for a month or two... and then come back to live with us permanently. All of this was in jeopardy based on her rapid downward spiral.
     Only a month ago, she was going with us to our boys' baseball games and hopping up and down steps with very little trouble. She did laundry and cleaned our house whenever the mood struck her... and the mood struck her all the time.
     It was great! We had had our own live-in maid service and suddenly I could see it all slipping away. Maybe that sounds kind of callous... but she did laundry every day! 
     All six of her kids were kind of concerned about her condition but none more than I.  I mean, she cleaned and did laundry every day! 
     Anyway, my brother Paul is a pastor at a Lutheran church, and on Saturday morning, he mentioned that many ladies in his congregation have had urinary tract infections that caused weakness and confusion. This struck me as odd... not that a UTI could cause weakness and confusion but that old ladies were telling my brother all about it. What kind of church is he running out there on the west coast? I go to confession and that kind of stuff never comes up!
     Cheryl and Paul and his wife took my mom to the emergency clinic and sure enough, the UTI was a positive. Antibiotics were prescribed with the hope that she would show some improvement. Not knowing what the next day would hold, my brothers and sisters all came to my house to discuss what we were going to do with our rapidly failing mother. Not just in the short term regarding her trip to Washington, which seemed like a long shot no matter how much she improved, but also in the long term in the event that things did not get better.
     After about two hours of discussion, this is what we decided...
     Lets wake mom up in the morning and ask her what she wants!      
     In retrospect, we could have done that without the long meeting but what the heck, we enjoy each other's company.
     Happy to report, Sunday showed big improvement and on Monday, she got on that plane and headed out west. In fact, my sister-in-law just called a few minutes ago and said that my mom has been cleaning and doing laundry at their house. I want her back!
     Finally, on what should have been a day of rest to celebrate the last day of summer, we headed off to the church for the annual Labor Day Festival.  We arrived at 8 a.m. and stayed until after 6 p.m. You want to know something? The elderly Big Wheel guys rigged a canopy overhead, but it provided very little shade. Ironically, the location of the fast-pitch radar gun was covered in shade for most of the day. I felt bad for the guys and tried to slip them an occasional cold beverage. Hopefully, we buried the hatchet from our previous day's encounter.
     Ooh, that gives me an idea for next year... The Hatchet Throw. I'll have some parish member stand against a wall and kids can buy three hatchets for a dollar and see how close they can get to the guy standing against the wall. The insurance guy will love it!
     It was an exhausting day, but I am happy to report that the only injury as a result of the mechanical bull was my bruised ego... I lasted only 12 seconds on "baby speed." For some reference, there were many four foot adults that lasted well over thirty seconds with the speed increasing the longer they rode.
     So just to recap my weekend... fought with old guys... fought with insurance guy... attended wedding... attended reception,,, worried about my mother... met with my brothers and sisters... single handedly nursed my mother back to health (I am taking credit for it because she was at my house during her recovery)... managed the church's Labor Day Festival... and rode a bull (poorly, I might add).    
     Oh, I almost forgot... I did a load of laundry Monday night.
     Have I mentioned how much I miss my mother?