Funny Guy Friday... In my dreams...

    I rarely post stuff on Facebook, but this week was Cheryl's birthday, and I decided to post a little birthday shout out. I commented that I woke up mad at her on her birthday as a result of a recurring dream that I have had since the beginning of our marriage. In the dream, Cheryl refuses to go out with me... or we are dating, and she refuses to marry me.
    It is always a different dream but with the similar theme.
    In last night's dream, we were dating but she refused to commit to me for a lifetime. I finally decided that enough was enough, and I was going to give her an ultimatum. While she was waiting in line, I was going to tell her that she had to say yes right then or that would be that... I was going to be moving on... with or without her.
    I am not sure what the significance of the line was... but I do recall that she was very happy to be in that line... which, for some reason, really irritated me.
    Anyway, as I approached her, I started to waiver and instead of the ultimatum, I told her that no matter what she said or what she did, I was always going to want to marry her and I would always be there for her.
    This was hardly the ultimatum that I had intended. In fact, it made me look kind of pathetic. Of course this made Cheryl smile and tell me: That's nice.  
    Ughhhh!
    Cheryl then turned to the folks in line, none of whom I recognized, and began joking around and having fun.
    Double Ughhh with a two fisted dang!
    So, now you understand why I get mad at her. I mean she just ignored me and joked around with a bunch of people that I did not even know.
    This is totally unacceptable behavior.
    Several years ago, she irritated me in my dreams when she told me that she could not marry me because she was interested in dating some guy who was sitting at the bar where we were having dinner. She pointed the guy out and it was Joe Torre... the then-manager of the New York Yankees. At that time, the real-life Yankees, not the dream ones, were in the World Series.
    I was completely taken by surprise by her revelation. In fact, I chuckled because clearly she had no idea who he was. I asked her if they had ever dated and she told me no, but that she just wanted to try it out.
    I pointed out a few things... first that it was, in fact,  Joe Torre... which I have to admit, even in my dream, was kind of exciting to me. But she had to know that he had a lot going on... what with his team in the World Series.
    Second, he is old. He is not a baseball player but a baseball manager.
    On a side note, even the "dream me" realized it was not a good idea to point out that he was, at one time, a pretty good player in the major leagues. I mean she was already attracted to him, and she did not even know this crucial piece of Joe's life.
    Third... I was sitting right in front of her wanting to marry her and she was going to risk that for some pipe dream of dating Joe Torre.
    Finally, I dropped the bomb that Joe Torre was married. I had just watched a show and I recalled that he had a younger wife. Admittedly, this was counter to my second observation about his age, but give me a break, I was sleeping the whole time.
    "Dream Cheryl" just smiled and said that none of that mattered... she could not marry me until she explored the Torre option. This was devastating because I knew she must've been under some spell if she somehow were willing to break up his marriage.
    As I sat broken-hearted, just staring at Joe Torre, he turned and noticed me. I will never forget what happened next. That S.O.B. turned and raised his glass at me.
    Who does such a thing?
    I am completely serious when I say that since that dream, I have never liked Joe Torre!
    One other thing about these dreams... Cheryl is always soooo happy in them.
    No matter what I say or how much I plead with her, she just has a big old fat smile on her face. Whether she is in line with a bunch of strangers or breaking up Joe Torre's marriage, she is always just happy as can be.
    It drives me crazy!
    Like I said, there have been various versions of the same dream and each ends the same. I wake up and gather my thoughts and realize that Cheryl is lying right there next to me. I would like to report that she is lying next to me and all is good... but I can't.
    You see, when I wake from these dreams, I want to wake Cheryl up and punch her... but I don't.
    At least I don't punch her...
    But I do wake her up. I may rub her arm, I may squirm and adjust my pillow... or I may put my arm around her. Cheryl, in a semi comatose state, will roll over and ask... Did you have the dream again? Honey, I chose you! and with that, she rolls over and goes back to sleep.
    As if her little groggy apology is going to make up for the hurt that she constantly causes. I am here to tell you that it does not. I am awake and I am still mad at her. In fact, I am even more irritated that she so cavalierly rolls over and goes back to sleep when our marriage is in such a crisis.
    I swear, the only reason I stay with her is the kids.
    So, why do I have these dreams?
    One friend, a so-called therapist, opined that I perceive that there is something that I am not giving Cheryl that she needs. I immediately dismiss this as psychological gobbledy gook. If that were the reason for the dreams, Cheryl would be dreaming that I would not marry her... not vice verse!
    Another theory is that I lack self-confidence and am afraid that Cheryl will leave me due to my inadequacies.  Again, I dismiss this out of hand. I was not a major leaguer, but I was All Met in 1981 in both the Washington Post and the now-defunct Washington Star! That has to count for something, doesn't it?
    Was Joe Torre All Met?... I think not!
    Come to think of it, when I was studying for the bar exam, I had a recurring dream that the Incredible Hulk was chasing me. I would run and run and try to get away, but he would always catch up to me... and when he did, he would tell me that I wasn't doing enough studying. Maybe the therapist with her Ivy League education is on to something. Maybe, just maybe, I need to do more for Cheryl.
    Nah. She's not right. It is all Cheryl's fault.
    Like everything else in my life that is goofy, I blame Cheryl. Unfortunately, I cannot come up with a plausible theory as to why she is to blame... but she has to be doing something wrong.
    I would say it takes about half of a day for me to finally forgive Cheryl for her dream transgressions. I am happy to report that her birthday was not totally ruined, as I was able to overcome her latest transgressions and take her out for a nice sushi birthday dinner.
    I am not the biggest fan of sushi, but this is what she loves. And, in the off chance that our counselor friend is correct, I will try to give Cheryl everything she needs. Besides, I don't mind going out to eat at Sushi restaurants because you know who does not like sushi... that's right... Joe Torre!
    Happy birthday to my wonderful wife.
    I could not imagine my life... my real life, not my dream life... without you. I thank God every day that you agreed to marry me. Your wisdom, your faith, and your love set such a great example for anyone that meets you.
    We have a great life together and I love you more than you can possibly imagine!
    So with all that, I have to ask... why can't you, just one time, agree to marry me in my dreams?  We would both rest so much better if you would!