Funny Guy Friday... The return of the toothache...

    Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
    What a week.
    I nearly died.
    Not really... but I wanted to be dead.
    Not really but I did have a terrible toothache!
    It all started on Monday. Actually, it started three months ago on the second day of our Hawaiian vacation. We had gone out to one of the beautiful beaches on the Island and as the day wore on, I developed the worst toothache ever. I also got suntan lotion in my eyes. This made for a great day... and by great I mean the worst day of my life. Couldn't talk and couldn't see.
    The worst day, that is, until this past Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, but we'll get to that in a minute.
    On the second night of our vacation, I contacted my dentist back home who was able to diagnose the problem: I needed a root canal. The long-distance diagnosis was impressive but not as impressive as the antibiotics he was able to call in from the East Coast. He saved the day, the week, and the vacation!
    The tooth never really recovered but the pain was not excruciating. As a result, I just let it go... until Monday morning when I decided that I should get this taken care of before it flares up.
     As I sat in the chair waiting for the results of my X-ray, I was pretty sure that the earlier diagnosis was correct and I was going to require a root canal. I pondered if I would wait until after the holidays or schedule it for sooner. When the dentist returned to the room, he confirmed my suspicions and started suiting up.
     Whoa, wait a second there doc... are you doing that today? 
     Sure, you need a root canal. Let's get this going. 
     I have never had a root canal before, but I had heard that they can be painful. I have had a ton of dental work, in fact, I once had my jaw broken and my bite surgically repaired so I am no stranger to major dental procedures. But I was knocked out then, and this root canal was going to involve a lot of drilling and that suction thing. I hate that suction thing.
     Fortunately, God invented novocain. I got so much novocain that the whole right side of my head went numb. You could have hit me with a hammer, and I would not have felt it. Needless to say, I never felt a thing. In fact, I fell asleep during the procedure. Doc had to wake me up so he could get his drill in my mouth. Talk about tough... I was a stud! Root canals aren't so bad after all.
     For some silly reason, I was prescribed a pain killer... Just in case.
     In case of what?... In case I fall out of the chair when I wake up? Seriously, doc, save it for one of your sissy patients.
     Well, as it turns out, the just in case that the doctor spoke of is just in case the novocain wears off... which it did. Oh boy, did it wear off. I went to bed at midnight and was woken up by the pain at 12:03.  I was taking tylenol and advil every two hours.
     The next day, I was exhausted but was able to muddle through the day. Tuesday night was no different than the previous night. I take that back... it was worse.  The tylonol and the advil were no longer working and the pain was not just in my jaw, but my ear and my lips were numb... and as God is my witness, the right side of my throat was sore... just the right side.
      Again, I got about two hours of sleep. One positive thing about staying awake all night: I was able to catch up on the day's current events (very depressing) and to advance 10 levels in candy crush (very exciting). But even that great candy crush feat could not brighten my spirits. It was agony!
      On Wednesday, I had to go to a legal ethics seminar in Baltimore. Yes, we have those, and our malpractice carriers require that we attend one every three years! I have often wondered if a toothache would be better than one of these seminars. The toothache is worse... I had to endur both! Talk about a living hell!
     However, it was nice to know that throughout these few days, my family had my back. Cheryl texted Gracie about my plight, and Grace mentioned that if I wanted to forget about my toothache, all I had to do was splash some suntan lotion in my eye!
      Anyway, when I got home from the seminar, I went to lie down but could not sleep because of the pain. Cheryl went against my wishes and called the dentist. Calling the dentist was a sign of weakness. Fortunately, Cheryl is weak.
      We got in that same afternoon, and it was determined that my infection had flared up. Once again, he shot me full of novocain. Did I mention that I love novocain? It was novocain that provided me with my first two hours of pain-free time in three days. Anyway, he cleaned out where he had done the root canal and thought that would take care of the problem.
      I felt great. All numbed up and ready to have a pain-free meal. But before we ate, we had to pick up Matthew at school and then grab some food. I could not wait to enjoy my meal. Funny thing happened as we were getting Matthew and picking up our food... the novocain began to wear off. I could feel it wearing off as we got closer and closer to home. I did that thing where you puff out your cheeks and hold in the air. Unfortunately, I could hold in the air, so I knew my pain-free time was coming to an end.
     As we turned the corner to head home, my lips stopped tingling, I could feel my tongue and the pain returned with an added twist, an earache. I ate dinner on the good side of my mouth, and then I broke down.
    Remember that pain killer the doctor prescribed? I never had it filled.
    I hate taking those things. I always fear the worst... Some negative reaction or becoming dependent on them to stop the pain. I have seen a lot of negative things in people's lives start with a prescription for pain medication. After three days of constant pain, none of that mattered. I did not care if it cost me my wife, my kids, my house, my job. I just had to stop the pain.
     I took one at about 8:00 p.m. And another at midnight and went to bed. I had a few visitors that night. Matthew came and checked on me. Noah played computer games with me... He won but in fairness to me, I was playing hurt. And Cheryl visited with ice and "healing oils."
     What are you spreading all over my face and neck?
     Healing oils.
     What are they for?
     Healing. I suppose that was a stupid question given the name of the oils.
     Great, now I stink and have a broken face. What's that stuff you are spreading on my forehead. 
     Holy oil. It's blessed and exorcised.
     Cheryl was breaking out all the stops. You see, I was getting kind of irritated at my situation. Let's just say that I was not my usual, jovial self. I wanted to punch someone... anyone, it didn't matter who. And the fact that I saw no end in sight was depressing. Add in that the oils were going to make my face break out... and this night was just perfect.
     Now, I did not hold out much hope for the healing oils or the ice. In fact, the ice did not help at all until I started eating it. Eating is not really what I did; I put a piece between my cheek and gums and let it melt away. That seemed to help.
      Despite my doubts, things began to improve. I woke up in the middle of the night and the only pain I had was in my jaw, ironically, where I had received the novacaine shots. This was a marked improvement. I went back to the Tylenol, discarding the prescription medication. I was able to fall back asleep and woke up four hours later relatively pain-free.
    Here it is Friday and with the possible exception of a lingering headache and occasional tooth twinge, I am 100%.
    I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to my lovely wife.
    I may have been a tad grumpy... and I may have doubted your healing oils and I may have wanted to punch you and your eternal optimism. But through it all, you stood by me... Not really, you went downstairs and avoided me most of the time and you giggled at Gracie's text, but I understand... and you nursed me back to health.
    However, if my face breaks out, I am holding you personally responsible.
    On a more serious note, over the past couple of days, it has become clearer to me how bad things can start with a prescription for pain pills. When I was just taking the Tylenol and Advil, I found myself watching the clock and waiting for it to hit two hours so I could take some more. I can see the same thing happening to people with more serious pain medications. I know the prescription given to me was a low dose a of a relatively minor pain-killer but I was determined to avoid getting it filled. I suppose my reaction is a bit of an over-reaction, but I see the back end of addiction in my office on a daily basis. The stories often have a familiar beginning.
     So here is my lesson for the day. If you or your children are prescribed pain medications, be careful. I would suggest that you never leave it for yourself... and especially not your children to determine when you... or they medicate. "Take as needed" is a dangerous temptress. Follow the doctor's orders and be aware that bad things can happen if you are not careful.
    Oh, and always remember that a few prayers, some healing oils and holy oil never hurt... Unless, of course, your face breaks out!