Funny Guy Friday... Buying a sleeper sofa...

     You know that coming up with topics is getting tough when I have to write about my recent furniture purchase---but here I go.
     Cheryl and I decided that we would buy a sleeper sofa so that guests, specifically my parents, could come and spend the night, without displacing the kids. Mind you that we have more furniture in our house than an Ethan Allen showroom, but we do not have a sleeper sofa. No problem, I did a bit of research on the trusty Mac (Cheryl fell asleep and I was able to pry it from her hands in the same manner that the Grinch took the candy cane from Cindy Lou Who) and researched sleeper sofas with comfortable mattresses. Estimated purchase price $600 to $1,000.
     We hit paydirt in the first store we visited. A floor model that was the perfect size, color and with an air mattress. Cheryl loved it. Unfortunatley, the floor model came with a love seat and two tables, and we had to buy all of it or none of it. Needless to say, the asking price was way over budget. And, oh by the way, we still have that Ethan Allen issue. No problem, we can move stuff around (again) and make it all fit. The only issue left to resolve was, could I get it for less? The game was on!                              
     When it comes to buying things, I have never been a big haggler. I figure, this is the price and this is what the store wants you to pay. For instance, you do not go into McDonalds and say, "Throw in another small fry and we got ourselves a deal." I don't know much, but there are a few rules that I do know.....
     The first rule of haggling is that you have to downplay your interest. This little trick is lost on my wife. As I cooly wandered about the store exploring other options, and explaining that this was our first stop, I looked over to see Cheryl lying on the sofa, caressing the pillows and rubbing the fabric.
     Both the sales lady and I could hear her talking to nobody in particular about the perfect color, the cozy down pillows and the comfortable air mattress. Apparently, she does not know about Rule One. This should come as no surprise to me.
     Years ago, when we were looking at houses, we found one within walking distance of where we were living at the time. We toured the house and would walk past it, and every time we would see the owners, Cheryl would rave about how perfect it was for our family. I honestly don't know how those people were able to see with little $$ signs where their eyes would normally be.
     Back to the sleeper sofa... "It's a floor model," I pointed out, "hundreds of butts have been on this couch... Is that your best price?"
     The sales lady countered with, "It is regularly $4,700 and has already been drastically reduced."
     "Yeah, but it has probably had 4,700 butts of people that I don't know sitting on it, also." This was all I had. There were no marks on the couch, and the table was a bit worn, but we didn't even want the table. I am not much of a haggler, and they were sticking to the full reduced purchase price. BUT, I'll get a break on delivery, I'm sure.
     Oh, that's what I thought. They wanted 200 bucks to deliver this stuff to our house, which is less than four miles from the store. No way will I do that! Which brings us to Rule Two of haggling... We attempted to leave the store without committing to the purchase. This always works.  Surely they would stop us before we got out the door.
     There is no way that they should have let us get out that door without calling us back, and offering us a better price, I thought to myself as we drove home, hoping nobody else would buy our sofa. I assured Cheryl that when we went back in a few days they would sweeten the deal.
     After a few days, we went back to the store, only to find the salesman sitting alone in an empty showroom, playing Freecell on his computer. Imagine my humiliation when I could not even get this joker to cut us a better deal.
     We were happy to find our furniture still in the store, and Cheryl went and plopped down on the sofa. As she got up, I noticed a spot on the sofa right where she had been sitting. Now I had some haggling ammo, and mentioned to her that we were back in the game.
     Then Cheryl got up and plopped down on the love seat, and when she got up, again, I noticed a second stain right where she had been sitting. Now, I wasn't even sure I wanted to buy this stain-riddled junk, but if I did, I was definitely not paying full-reduced price.
     As I walked behind Cheryl toward the desk, I noticed that she had brown make up all over her butt... the color of which looked strikingly like the color of the stain on both the sofa and the loveseat. How ironic... It was the 4,701st butt that stained our sofa. Could it get any worse?
     Anyway, we did end up paying full price for the now stained furniture, but I stubbornly refused to pay for the delivery. I knew I could rent a U-haul for $35.00 and do it myself. After we paid, the full asking price I might add, we walked out with a promise to schedule a time to pick up the furniture, and as we were about to get out the door, the salesman caught us at the door.
     Now my hard work haggling is going to pay off as I am sure I am getting free delivery.
      "Hey, I just want to remind you that you may want to get a few ex-football players to help you with this sleeper sofa... it is pretty heavy and we can't help you." Ouch!
    With every bit of dignity I had left, I began to recruit movers. You would think a popular guy like me would have no problems recruiting people, but apparently, I have come down with a case of leprosy. Nobody was available. I should have probably called some of these guys' wives (see FGF... My wife is sooo nice!).
     Anyway, I was able to get one very nice neighbor to meet me at the store and help deliver the goods. The salesman was right, the couch was heavy... very heavy. But we managed to get it into the house, and it looks great... and I did not have to waste $200 on delivery.
     On a side note, I just got the bill from the chiropracter, and I owe him $165. On second thought, next time we buy furniture that we don't need, I will just pay the $200.