FGGGGF.......That's Right... 4 Gs Baby!

   About two years ago I had to go to a Verizon store to buy a new phone. The salesman asked me what features I wanted in my new phone. I want a phone that will make and receive phone calls.
   Very funny, he laughed, and asked if I wanted a phone that had a camera. Do they make a phone without a camera? No? I suppose I will take a phone with a camera then.
   Do you want a phone that can send and receive text messages. Do they make a phone that does not send and receive text messages?  No? Then I will take a phone that can send and receive text messages. 
   He was persistent, and again asked what other features I wanted on my new phone. I want a phone that can make and receive phone calls and that is it. If you do not make phones that just send and receive phone calls, then give me a phone that does as little else as possible. Why is this so hard for you to understand?
    Because we have phones that can do as much as your computer, and this is what people want. You can go on line, you can get emails, you can take pictures, make movies, listen to music, and even find your way with the built-in GPS! He was very excited by all of this.
   Do these phones make and receive phone calls?
   Of course they do.
   Very good. Take away the parts that let me go on line, get emails, take pictures, make movies, listen to music and act as a GPS and I will take that phone.
   Now, fast forward two years and I have to get a new phone again. I am scared! I have been advised by my office that I should have a phone that will allow me to interface with our computer system at work.
   I don't know what "interface" means (although, I think I do this with my wife every so often, but I am not sure)... but whatever it means, it scares me.
   I am told that there are many reasons for this leap into the 21st century.
   First, my new phone will allow me to look at my calendar and schedule court dates without calling my secretary. Somehow they think that this will save her time. I think that it will make things worse for her because now she will need to go everywhere with me to show me how to work the stupid phone.
    Second, my new phone will allow me to look at my emails and phone messages at all hours of the day. Why would I want to do that? Honestly, I don't want to do that while I am sitting in my office. I leave work with the hope that I can get away from all of the calls and emails, and all of the demands for an immediate response (not to mention the Viagra ads that appear among my emails on a regular basis).
   Believe it or not, I long for the good ol' days when a letter was sent through the mail and was received two or three days later. You could take some time to digest the information in that letter, draft a response, review the response and then stick that response in the mail. The exchange took five or six days----not five or six minutes.
   Then along came the fax machine with that stupid paper that rolled up like an Egyptian scroll everytime a message came through. That was the beginning of the instant response era. However, the fax machine was not fast enough because a fax required you to type a letter, put that letter in a machine and then dial a phone number. This was way too inefficient, so some smart guy figured out how to cut out the middle man.
    He devised a way for a person to type a letter and send it directly from a computer without ever having to place the letter into a machine or dial a phone number. Today, on the rare occasion that you do need to fax something, you can just do it from your desk.
    I thought the fax machine was the greatest invention in the world and it became obsolete in about ten minutes. Now everybody emails and everybody wants an immediate response to their emails.
    I digress, back to my new phone. I have decided to go with the iPhone. It has 4 Gs. I thought that was awesome. Honestly, I have no idea what a G is but I do know that everyone else in my office only has 3 Gs. I am one G more awesome than everyone else in my office. They think that they are so smart with their techno/computer knowledge and I am so dumb with my Fred Flinstone/Bedrock mentality. Well, guess who has all the Gs baby!
    I watched a video about my new phone last night. Would you ever have thought that a phone would require that you watch a video before you buy it? Anyway, my new phone will allow me to interface with my computer, to get phone messages, to get emails from several sources, it will allow me to download apps (not sure what that is), it will allow me to view the person I am talking to while they can see me, and if they hit a button, I can talk to them and see what they are watching (very cool)... it will allow me to listen to music and even watch a movie.  It even has a GPS built into it. It does it all.
    My new phone is going to be awesome, and it will do everything that a phone is capable of doing. However, as I sit and write this, I can't help but feel that the only things that I will be using all those Gs for is just MAKING CALLS AND RECEIVING CALLS.  Come to think of it, I don't recall seeing those two functions in the video.