Funny Guy Friday... Honey... I think I'm coming down with something...

     Unfortunately, as I write this, Cheryl is sick with a stomach flu. She is legitimately sick.
     This is not always the case with Cheryl. Oftentimes, her ailments are, er uh----how can I say this without offending her? Well, her ailments are made up. Not really made up in the sense that she is lying---she is not a faker in the traditional sense. No, Cheryl is just weak-minded and thinks that she will contract whatever anybody else has---only worse! No matter what the illness or injury, she will develop the symptoms.
     Wow! I did not think I could do that without being offensive but I think I pulled it off.  Allow me to elaborate.
     When we first got married, anytime... and by anytime, I mean every time... Cheryl would get even a whiff of one of my nieces or nephews, she would get sick. They didn't even have to be sick, they were just carriers, for crying out loud. I am the youngest child in my family... the last to get married and the last to have kids. I grew up in an environment that had young kids running around all the time. Cheryl is a middle child, the first to get married and apparently grew up in a sterile, childless bubble.
     Fortunately, Cheryl has stuck around long enough to develop the beginnings of an immune system. Unfortunately, I think she draws on her previous experience, and announces her ailments as soon as she hears one of us announce ours.
     This sounds crazy, but I know it to be true because I have done "placebo like" controlled experiments. I have actually made up stuff to see if she comes down with the same symptoms. I tell her about a made-up scratchy throat, she thinks she has strep. I announce a fake stomach ache, she feels as if she is going to throw up. I create a non-existent headache, she comes down with a migraine.
     And her delusions are not limited to illnesses. She actually has the ability to catch an aching back. I announce that my back hurts and she replies that hers is killing her (followed quickly by a request to give her a massage). It is as if she has a stupid super power!
     Cheryl is so sure that she is going to catch everything, that when the kids do get sick, she goes on lock down---no kissing, no hugging and minimal touching. I kiss, hug, and lay with the sickies and as a result, build up my immunities.
     When I come home from work on sick days, I head straight to my bedroom. There on my side of the the bed, with my pillows under head, is the patient. Typically, there will be a barrier of covers, pillows or clothes between my side of the bed and Cheryl's side because nine out of ten doctors will tell you that pillows, covers and clothes will prevent any germ from spreading.
     When I kiss, hug and lie with them, I dare those germs to infect me. Heck, I even drink from the same cup. I think that Cheryl tries to warn me, but who can understand her through her protective gas mask.  
     On those rare occasions when I do get sick, I want to be left alone. This works for both of us because she wants to leave me alone. On the other hand, when she gets sick, she needs ginger ale, she needs toast, she needs ice chips, she needs more blankets and she needs a back rub. I suppose that I am glad she tries to avoid getting sick because the truth is that she is kind of a needy patient.
     Don't take my word for it---She once called a friend from the upstairs bedroom and had that friend call me to tell me to go upstairs because she needed a drink. Cheryl felt so sick that she could not muster up the energy to call to me downstairs. I dutifully complied, but seriously, nobody can be that sick!
     I am sure that when this goes to print, she will be back to one hundred percent. I am hoping she is going to have a nice long stretch of health. Unfortunately, I do not think that is going to be the case. You see, I have one final experiment in mind that will prove my theory once and for all. You see I feel some fake pain coming on as a result of a fake kick to the groin. I can't wait to see what she comes down with!