Funny Guy Friday... Don't get on the bus!

    Last Saturday, Cheryl and I planned to go on a date---just the two of us for a nice quiet dinner and perhaps some live music afterward.
    I was driving home from a baseball game when I got a call from a friend telling me that another friend had rented a bus for the night as a present to his wife. He suggested that we meet them at the restaurant or in downtown Annapolis after dinner. Sounded great---we could enjoy everyone's company and not be tied to the bus.
    When I got home Cheryl advised that the couple with the bus called and we were supposed to be invited onto the bus. Wait a second, let's not be too hasty here, the bus means we are like kidnap victims, only able to leave when our captors decide. Lets not be held hostage by the bus. Hell no--- I won't go!
    Too bad, she advised, you will go, and the bus will be here in ten minutes. It will be good, you can drink without having to worry about driving.
    Apparently, something I have done or said has given her the idea that I could not turn down an opportunity to get pounded without the responsibility of driving.  Mind you, in over twenty years of knowing me, she has never seen me drunk. I have never been much of a drinker, and at this point in my life, if I had more than a couple, I would probably pass out before I got drunk.
   Anyway, Cheryl was already dressed for our date---looking beautiful, I might add---but I was covered in baseball field dirt. I quickly showered and shaved and ironed a shirt---all in less than ten minutes. I was unbelievable.
   The bus came and we jumped on. We were then greeted with a chorus of compliments... and by we, I mean Cheryl. Wow, Cheryl, I can't believe you pulled it all together in ten minutes!  If that ever happened to me, I could never pull it together in ten minutes! You probably wear a dress every day! I knew, if anyone could pull it together, it would be you! Wait a second, I was the unbelievable one---not her.
    Does my wife have an alter ego that I am not aware of? These folks treated her like she was June Cleaver. Her being ready, in a dress and all, was dumb luck. Any other day, any other week, any other month, she would have been wearing a pair of sweats, one of my t-shirts and a pair of clonky shoes. Of course her hair would be pulled back, secured with her ever present pencil. I bust my hump to get ready in ten minutes and she gets the accolades. Not fair, not fair at all.
    Dinner was excellent and once we were done, it was off----in the bus----to downtown Annapolis. The first place we went had a cover charge. There was a bar right next door that served the same beer without a cover charge. Easy decision, but one of our group knew the  owners of the first bar and wanted to go to that bar. There were about 15 of us and they were charging $5 a head. Initially, the bouncer chummed up to me and said that he could get us all in for $40. This was about half of the normal cover charge, but we thought that no cover charge to drink the same beer was a better idea.
    On a side note, what a rip off cover charges are. You pay just to get in the door. Once inside, you get the unique opportunity to pay for the beer that they sell. You have to pay them money just to spend more money! I digress.
    After one round of drinks in the no-cover bar, the woman who knew the other bar owners advised us that she talked to the bouncer and he was down to $30. I reckon she got a better deal because she is ten dollars prettier than I am. With the additional discount, we did decide to go to that bar. That is when the "fun" began.
    Inside, there was a group of four guys and one girl---a sister, I later found out---in the same little area where we were standing. After about thirty minutes, one of the guys put his arm around one of the women we were with. She gently advised him that she was a mother of four, but he did not seem to be deterred---she is a very lovely lady. At this point her husband came up and advised that she is not only a mother of four, but a wife of one---him! Both handled it pretty well, but it looked like they were jawing at each other---I was right there and they were not. They actually had a somewhat friendly exchange that went on for about five minutes.
   Twenty minutes went by and the same fellow tried the same move on another one of the attractive woman with our group. Needless to say, this resulted in a similar exchange with her husband. So far our hero was 0 for 2.
   The guy was a bit drunk and a bit friendly but otherwise harmless. I spoke to one of his buddies who volunteered that he saw the second one coming "from a mile away" and was going to intervene to stop it but thought better of it----his buddy was about to be shot down again by a second married woman with kids---how funny was that. What are friends for?
   Several minutes went by and this guy was still standing around us at the bar, talking with his buddies and scouting out the bar for his next target of affection. As I stood there and watched, I got more and more upset---in fact, I got mad. I had to stand there for more than an hour, watching this drunk hit on all of the lovely married ladies. Talking to them, putting his arm around them, invading their space. I had seen enough---I could not take it anymore. Why hasn't he taken his shot at my wife. 
    She's pretty, she's nice, she's smart, she's funny---what's wrong with her? I thought she looked great. Is it possible that I'm wrong about her? Why isn't he putting his hands all over my wife? What am I missing?
    I told Cheryl to show a little leg, and take a lap around the bar, but she refused. I told her to go buy the guy a drink. Again, a blank stare from her. What, you never bought a guy a drink before?  
    I could not help myself, I had to know what it was that he did not see in my wife, so I approached him and asked.
    He was a bit hard to understand, but what I think he said made perfect sense. It turns out that he remembered seeing her get off of the bus earlier in the evening, and there was no way he was going to even attempt to get hooked up with a woman who was held captive by a bus.
    It turns out that even the drunks know not to get on the bus!