When we got to the hospital, everything went well. We checked in and got settled into our room and the nurse seemed really nice. She asked me how involved I wanted to be and I told her I wanted to be minimally involved. In fact, I may have mentioned that I longed for the days when dads hung out at the bar across the street, waiting for the call that they had a new son or daughter. Not that I didn't want to be there, it is just that I......... didn't want to be there. Those types of things tend to make me kind of queasy. I saw a whole new side of my wife at Grace's c-section delivery----her inside---and I did not want to repeat that episode.
So I just told the nurse that I was there to offer my support and coach her on to victory.
Go Cheryl!!! I may even have given the half-hearted fist pump.
Anyway, after several hours of sitting and waiting, they started the process of inducing the delivery. Things started slowly, but then started to move at a pretty rapid pace. I had my chair all ready, faced away from all of the activity at the one end of the bed.
When it came time for Cheryl to start pushing, the nurse advised that they were short-staffed, and mentioned that I may need to offer some assistance. Really? How does passing out offer any assistance?
Anyway, as Cheryl began to push, the nurse asked me to grab a leg. I wondered whose leg I was supposed to grab? There were only three people in the room: my legs were fine, the nurse's legs seemed to be working and Cheryl was just laying there doing nothing and did not even need to use her legs. Then the nurse grabbed one of Cheryl's legs and gestured to me to do the same thing. Wait a second, sister... I am "low to no" involvement... Remember our little conversation about being in the bar across the street?
It was at this point that Nurse Grab a Leg, yelled at me to GRAB A LEG! It turns out that she was was not nice at all. At this point, Cheryl actually grinned at the whole episode, which was pretty remarkable because, as I recall, she had a lot of stuff on her plate at that time. The fact of the matter was that she did not want me grabbing a leg any more than I wanted to grab a leg---but I did grab a leg.
The pushing went on for a few hours. It was rough... I was exhausted. Unfortunately, the baby was turned in such a way that he would not come down the shoot. It was at this time the doctor said that he would have to do an episiotomy and use the forceps. Now I had a general idea of what all that was, but was a bit fuzzy on the specifics. You see, I did not pay much attention during the birthing classes.
Nurse Grab a Leg assured me that our doctor was the best at using the forceps. Then they brought in some very large salad tongs, and I asked, "What are those for?" They were the forceps.
NO WAY. I was not a doctor, but I could not see how those things could have been used in the way that I thought they were planning on using them. Oh yes they were-----and it was about at this time that I witnessed my first and, hopefully, my last episiotomy. I won't go into the details, but it was all that I had feared.
I would point out that I was a trooper and I did not pass out. I would like to take credit for that but the only reason I did not pass out was because Cheryl was able to keep my breathing steady, she fed me ice chips and she gave me a nice lower back massage. Thankfully, she did pay attention during birthing classes.
Nurse Grab a Leg was correct, the doctor was a master with the forceps, and as he brought out the baby, I thought to myself, Wow, what a boy!
It turned out, I had been looking at the imbilical chord. It was a boy, but just not as much of a boy as I had first thought.
The doctor asked me if I wanted to cut the cord. I did do it, but I always thought that was kind of a weird thing to do. I mean, I never ask my clients if they would like to ask the last question at a trial.
So now, we have a great son who just turned eleven. He is one of the nicest, sweetest people that you could ever meet. Here are eleven things that you may not know about Matthew:
#1 Matthew is an overachiever. When he gets nervous, he not only bites his fingernails, he bites his whole finger.
#2 He can withstand extremely cold water temperatures. He swims in the ocean in April and May when the water is freezing. It is so cold, it hurts my feet. Polar Bear plunge anyone?
#3 He is very self-conscious about odd things, like when he is afraid to drop in on his good friends without calling first... but he will go to school dressed like a leprechaun to deliver a speech with an Irish brogue.
#4 After every game he plays, he will ask me what my favorite play of the game was. He will ask what was my second, third, fourth favorite thing, until I mention something that he did. I rarely ever give him any credit, so this goes on for the entire drive home.
#5 He can take a shower in six seconds, unless Sportscenter's Top Ten is coming on, and then he can take one in four seconds.
#6 If you catch him at the exact right time, you may see a Michael Jackson type dance move. It is like a bird watcher who catches a glimpse of a rare bird. He ain't bad either.
#7 He gives thoughtful gifts, although he spends more money on his mom than on his dad. She gets expensive jewelry and I get a fungo bat. I must admit that I probably get more use out of the fungo bat than she gets out of the jewelry.
#8 His little brother can beat him up, but only because he kindly won't fight back. However, you should see him on that rare occasion when he gets fed up with his older sister----Look out! Think of Bruce Banner becoming the Incredible Hulk. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
#9 He is a great travel companion. Good things happen when you are with him, like a no-hitter at Fenway Park. It was a very cool night.
#10 He gets little beads of sweat under his eyes while doing the simplest things, like eating breakfast. It's cute!
And the # 11 thing that you probably do know about Matthew is that he is a boy of faith, he is a great friend, a great brother and and a great son. We love you more than you could possibly know and we are very proud of the young man that you are.
Happy birthday, Bud!
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