Funny Guy Friday...These are not your Daddy's last days of school...

   I hate to sound like all those old fuddy duddies that say how things are so much easier for kids today than they were for kids back in our day, but how could you not agree with me after you hear what my kids did in school this week.
   Matthew is in fifth grade and he proudly announced last Friday that his teachers have already turned in all of their grades for the final quarter and they will not have any more  graded work. You have got to be kidding me, there are two weeks left in school---no final exams---what are you going to do for the next two weeks?
   Drown Proofing! They will go to the local pool for four days and learn about drown proofing. Now in fifth grade world, this means that they are going to the local pool and for four days, they will be going swimming. I am sure that someone would be talking about drown proofing while the kids are swimming but they will, in fact, be swimming.
    I have been very curious as to how this program has been going, so each day, I get an update. Matthew has reported that on the first day, they learned how to float. He is a great floater so this got me excited---I know he has to be the best floater in the class. I asked if the instructor recognized his mad skills. No not really, he advised.
    Not really? Not really? Are you serious? He can float for hours. Certainly, he is deserving of at least a little shout out. For some reason, this bothered me because he really can float like nobody's business. What kind of idiot instructor does not recognize this? Perhaps the better question is what kind of idiotic parent would care that his son did not get recognized for his ability to float? In any event, the first day of the program left a bad taste in my mouth.
   On day two, they went back to floating, and finally, my man caught the instructor's attention. She said he has a great ability to float. I knew it all the time. Cheryl and I are very proud of this very limited and hopefully never used talent.
   Day three brought an entire day dedicated to PFDs. Grace asked, "What is a PFD?" I told her that it stood for Private Flotation Device---non-floaters need these. Matthew corrected me and advised that it was a Personal Flotation Device. Grace giggled and said, ''Sure dad, I can hear it now---excuse me, but could you please turn your eyes away, I would like to float in private for a minute or two!'' Smart alec kid. Not sure where she gets that from.
   The last day of Drownfest, as I have dubbed the week, will be today, and they will learn how to make their own PFD out of clothes that they may wear while in the water. He needs to bring in one of my shirts for this exercise. Why Matthew would be out in the water with one of my shirts is beyond me, but stranger things have happened.
   Despite the chlorine burned eyes---you would think that someone that can perfect the ability to float could also perfect the ability to shut his eyes while under the water---the week has been fun. But Drownfest does not compare to Grace's school activity. Gracie girl went sailing with her ninth grade class.
   That's right, some smart teacher figured out how to make sailing part of the special Science, Technology, Engineering and Math curriculum. I suppose that all four subjects are used in sailing but they are used in a lot of things. A few come to mind, like a baseball game, cooking, football, cooking, basketball, cooking. Why not take the kids to a sporting event and buy them a hot dog and call it higher education?
    Anyway, she loved it. She even got to steer the boat---I think they call it taking the helm, but what the helm do I know about sailing? (that was bad and it was really beneath my keen sense of humor so I apologize).
    She wants to go again, so I reminded her that Cheryl's uncle has a sailboat up in Newport, Rhode Island, and maybe she could go with him this summer. I also told her that although I love and trust Cheryl's uncle, he is almost ninety years old. If something were to go wrong while they were out at sea, she would have to recall all that she learned in her sailing class.
    Well, as it turns out, they didn't actually learn anything in sailing class, they just sailed. No problem though, God has a funny way of making everything make perfect sense. Matthew just spent four days learning how not to drown, so we could send him out with the sailing crew and everything should work out just fine. I'd make sure he had some extra shirts of mine so everyone would be taken care of.
   With all of the education that they received this week, what could possibly go wrong!