My partner, who actually runs the day to day events, is a good guy, but is a bit more, how can I say this without offending him, uptight. I have commented to the ladies at work that he is like the dad, who gets upset and gets everyone's attention, and I am like the mom who comes in and tells the kids to ignore Dad and things will blow over.
In the event that he reads this, he should know that I do not actually tell anyone to ignore him, I am just making an analogy so---to quote Bill Murray in Stripes, Lighten up Francis!
Anyway, I only live forty five minutes from my work, but in that forty five minute drive, I apparently pass through another dimension. You see, when I get home, I am perceived as the most uptight guy in the world. I suppose this is because, at home, I am compared to my wife. If she were any more laid back, she would be asleep---which oftentimes she is. Nothing, and I mean nothing, fazes her.
If you were one of the six people that read FGF last week, you know that we went to Newport, Rhode Island ahead of hurricane Irene. As the week progressed, the weather reports were getting worse and worse. Although I considered changing our plans because of the predicted weather, I did not. As planned, Cheryl left to drive up with the boys on Monday and I flew up with Grace and my niece on Thursday. Prior to my leaving, I took all of the appropriate precautions---I moved the deck furniture, cleared the patio and placed plastic dropcloths and towels in the corner of the basement that has leaked in the past.
Once in Newport, our plan was to stay in Cheryl's sister's motor home at a trailer park where her parents stay every year. The park is located right outside of Newport. When I arrived, I asked Cheryl if she had been watching the news. She immediately panicked a bit and thought that she had missed some news about our president declaring martial law or something, and appointing himself dictator of the world.
When I gently pointed out that a hurricane was bearing down on us and that we had no chance of survival if we stayed in Newport, she shrugged. This is a shrug that I have seen before and it means Yes, I know that the weather forecasters are saying that, and you are believing that, but they are wrong and you are uptight and it is not going to happen so---to quote Bill Murray in Stripes, Lighten up Francis!
This shrug irritated me because it told me that she was discounting my well informed and obviously accurate portrayal of our unavoidable and untimely deaths, and more irritating than that, although she did not actually say my Bill Murray quote, she was thinking it.
I responded to her shrug by laying down the law, We are not staying in a trailer park during a hurricane because nothing good happens in a trailer park during hurricanes. In fact, that is all you hear about on the news after every hurricane is how this hurricane destroyed this trailer park, or that hurricane caused major damage to that trailer park---no trailer park! You find us a home with a cousin or something or we leave Saturday morning.
After pointing out that it is tornadoes that devastate trailer parks, and not hurricanes, she calmly responded that it will not be that bad, that they overhype these things. And by the way, we cannot leave on Saturday because we would just be traveling south into the very storm that you are so afraid of, and they will probably close the bridges in New York. In an obvious effort to appease me, she did advise that she would call her cousin in the morning.
My response was firm---you're darn right you will call your cousin in the morning, and I am sure that hurricanes can be bad for trailer parks, too... I mean the motor home may spring a leak or something and that can be bad, and by the way, I thought about the danger of traveling south into the storm, and that is why we aren't going south to Maryland,.....we are going to travel...... west instead of south when we leave on Saturday to go......home, that's right I said west. At this point I was just hoping that she had stopped paying attention. I was just happy that she was going to find us a place to stay during the devastation.
As the vacation progressed, I watched the news only to find out that the hurricane would be particularly bad in Ocean City, Maryland. In fact I think the newscasters actually said that they eye of the storm would actually crash down right on top of the condo that we co-own there, but I could have misheard that part.
I also know that I heard that Southern Maryland was also going to get hit particularly hard by the storm and that they were evacuating parts of Saint Mary's and Calvert County and again, I think I heard the weather men say that once the storm leaves Ocean City, she is heading to Calvert County to destroy our law office. By the way, guess who owns a home directly between Ocean City and Calvert County. Ding, ding ding, that's right, you guessed it, it would be me. What the heck, might as well drop a tree on our house in the process of destroying everything else that we own.
I was justifiably worried and apparently did not hide it well. While dining at a fine restaurant called the Black Pearl, Cheryl asked why I was so upset. Seriously, there is a storm that is going to crush our place in Ocean City, I am already getting calls from our security service about problems with our office building, associated with the storm... I have been told that we have lost power at our house, meaning that the sump pump in the basement is not going to work, and the food in our freezer is all going to be ruined and will stink up the whole house while we are gone---which in the long run will probably not matter because the tree that drops on our house is going to destroy the house anyway. Meanwhile we are vacationing on an island that, by this time tomorrow, will be swallowed up by the Atlantic Ocean. Other than that, my clam chowder tastes just fine!
It was at this point that Cheryl pointed out that if a tree falls on our house, wouldn't it be better for us to be in Rhode Island than in the house in Maryland.
Well, yea, I guess.
You have a partner in Calvert County that worries about this kind of stuff much more than you do, and he will take care of any problem associated with the building.
Yes, that is true.
Finally, Ocean City was evacuated and there is/was absolutely nothing that you could have done or can do about the condo.
I suppose.
Stop worrying, you're getting me upset---now pass me the pepper and order more chowder if you like it so much.
Wow, all the stuff that is about to happen to ruin our lives and all she cares about is me. How sweet!
You can't believe how much that drives me crazy! Not a care in the world. In fact, the only concern that she ever expressed during our time in Rhode Island was whether I remembered to feed our stupid goldfish. The 5-year-old goldfish that we won in a carnival that refuses to die, for goodness sakes; that is what she chose to worry about? You have got to be kidding me. All God's creatures great and small! she points out. She is not normal, but what can I do, I am stuck with her.
Oh by the way, the Ocean City condo was just fine, the office building was unscathed, our basement did not flood, my brother emptied the freezer, a tree did not fall on our house, the storm weakened considerably before hitting Newport, it actually passed to the west of us, and we had a great time at Cheryl's cousin's house.
As usual, she was right. But I would point out that it would have been a lot worse if I had not worried about it the whole time.
Oh, by the way, the goldfish is fine.
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