Funny Guy Friday... Facebook Friday...

    After our 30th High School reunion last week, I gave in to my daughter's urging that I have my own Facebook page. I reluctantly agreed because it would provide me an opportunity to keep up with folks that I had not seen for years. Although it has been great being able catch up with folks, the rest of Facebook is just stupid!
    I mean the technology is not stupid; in fact, it is quite amazing that you can keep up with thousands of your closest "friends" by just clicking a button on your computer. But lets talk a minute about my "friends." I have had several friend requests this past week. Most of them are people that I know or family members; some are friends of my brother's, others are friends of my brother's friends, and others are friends of friends thrice removed. I refuse nobody over the age of eighteen. It is not that I care whether or not I have a bunch of friends, I just don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I have "friends" that I've never met before. By the same token, with one exception, I refuse to request that anybody be my friend. Why, you ask---who wants to be rejected on facebook. I assume that if you are rejected, a red alert goes out to all of my other "friends" and they will start to question my "friend worthiness."
    The idea that anybody could---or would want to--- keep up with thousands of their closest "friends" is just crazy.  Up until a week ago, I had not heard from probably 90% of my current "friends" in over 20 years. Today, I know that one of them is in the market for a new sump pump.
    A friend of mine once asked a girl out on a date and she told him that she did not want to go out on a date but she did want to be friends. His response to this "request to friend" was  that he already had enough friends that he did not see enough, he did not need one more.  He refused to friend her.
   I will admit that when I get home at night, I log on and check out my popularity---but once I get past checking out who is requesting to be my friend, I am done. I don't know what to do next. My daughter tries to show me what she does but I just get frustrated and complain.  She asks me why I bother getting on it every day. I WANT TO SEE WHAT I HAVE BEEN MISSING---THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE!!
    When she gets on her facebook page, she laughs, she giggles and she types. As a result, when I log on, I expect a party with music and fanfare and a heartfelt greetings from my "friends." What I get are recipes and tips for getting gum out of my carpet. I don't have gum in my carpet. Grace tries to help and suggests that I "get involved."  Two words that have come back to haunt me as I may have used them a time or two with her.
    Okay so I thought that I would jump in the game and start commenting. Big mistake! I have posted one comment to the general public and that was in response to my niece going to some seminar about college farming. My note to her was Are carrots and beans that are grown on a college campus smarter than other carrots and beans?  Being my first post on facebook, I made sure that I spelled carrots correctly and that my punctuation was correct. If not downright funny, at least clever. I deliberated for five minutes before I dipped my toes in the facebook water.
    After I hit post, I thought that is not clever, it is just dumb, I want to take it back---oh, but you can't take it back, it is out there for the entire world to see. Then I thought what if college farming is really about recruiting kids and not actually growing vegetables. Her "friends" are going to think that I am an idiot and they will never want to be my friend. I was so embarrassed by my lame post, I hid my face in my pillow----smart vegetables indeed!
    Grace has hooked me up to send private notes to my "friends." I start off by explaining that I have no idea what I am doing and then I close by asking them to call me on the phone. Ah, talking on the phone where you can hear people's emotions or laughter and where conversations have a beginning and a clear logical ending. That I can do.
    Now the problem is that I am concerned that my phone number will be out there for all the world to see. Cheryl assures me that it will not, but then quickly warns me not to give out the home number. If it does not go out to everyone connected with the facebook nation, why can't I give the home number out? I suppose she is concerned that our "friends" will start calling us about sump pumps and gum in their carpets.
   Cheryl's reaction to facebook has also been interesting. She refuses to get one but gets on mine all the time. Like a drunk that brags about never buying a drink. Anyway, she writes  notes to her friends and tells them that she is the one writing---which I have no problem with. However, she has also posted a message or two as if it came from me. This precipitated a bit of an argument. As long as she identifies herself, there is no issue, but we write differently. I write like a man (with the exception of the carrot fiasco---as it has come to be know as) and she writes like a girl. For example she may write: Hey Gang, howdy. Please check out this week's FGF on my wife's blog for a chuckle or two. I barely know most of my "friends," I don't want their first impression to be that I write like a girl using works like Hey, Howdy and Chuckle.
    Our argument ended like most arguments between kids that don't know how to share---I told her to get her own facebook page!
   I realize that it has only been a week and I will continue to try and find enjoyment with my Facebook page. Millions of people cannot be wrong. I don't think that I am going to change my mind but you never know what can happen. My buddy who rejected his potential date's "offer to friend" is now married to her and they have three kids.
   Anything is possible. Perhaps, I will work out my Facebook issues with a little help from my thousands of "friends."


Note from the editor to that funny husband of mine... You will never hear me use the word "Howdy." "Please" and "chuckle," yes... "Howdy," no. My apologies if my clarification slights any of our family in Texas.