Funny Guy Friday... Dream interpretation...

    I recently was reading the Old Testament Bible story about Joseph to my son, Noah. To help jog your memory, Joseph was his father's favorite, and his father gave him a really cool coat. The special treatment along with the coat seemed to bother the brothers to no end. One day while the brothers were out working, the father sent Joseph out to see how they were doing; so Joseph put on the coat and off he went. For some unknown reason, Joseph didn't quite understand that his older---and less loved----brothers would not appreciate Joseph's special treatment. As a result of their jealousy, the brothers threw Joseph into a pit and eventually traded him away to some traveling Egyptians. Nice brothers.
    Being the youngest of six kids myself, and by far the most talented, best looking and most loved of all, I know that my five siblings would have sold me to a group of traveling Egyptians if they could have. In fact, I recall a time or two when they threatened to give me "back to the Indians." At the time, I didn't even know that I was adopted from the Indians, so that was kind of a tough pill to swallow at the age of three. Although, I suppose it does explain my uncanny ability to track buffalo.
    Anyway, Joseph ended up in Egypt, and to make a long story short, he got arrested and thrown in jail. While in jail, he correctly interpreted some guy's dream. That guy then told  the Pharaoh about Joseph's gift. The Pharoah then bailed Joseph out of jail to interpret the Pharaoh's dreams and next thing you know, Joseph is vice Pharaoh of Egypt. Usually politicians end up in jail during or after their political careers, this Joseph guy did just the opposite---he went from jail to politics.
    The point of my retelling the story of Joseph is that I have been having some ridiculous dreams ever since we got back from vacation, and I would love to have help interpreting them. Every night, it gets weirder.
    In one dream, my brother was out watching the baseball team that I coach. After a minute he decided that I had to take pictures and stop coaching. He then took over the team and told me that we could not use the same signs to call pitches and that he was going to change everything. My signs are easy because my players are only 11 years old, I explained. He told me that he was going to pretend he was a choo-choo train for a fast ball because that ball "is going to be coming right down the tracks" he explained. "How hard is that?"
    I woke up laughing at the thought of my brother acting like a choo-choo train in the middle of a baseball game.
    My own interpretation is this: In spite of the fact that he has coached and won at every level over the past thirty years, I am a better baseball coach than he, and he oftentimes just looks silly out there. Meanwhile, I catch everything on the field in the "photographs in my mind." I don't see how anyone could see it any other way.
    Another dream that I had is one that I have had many times before. It is not the same exact dream, but the theme is the same: Cheryl and I are dating but she won't marry me. Past dreams have included her not wanting to get married because she wanted to date Joe Torre, the then-manager of the Yankees. In that dream I was dumbfounded and explained that I thought he was in his sixties, and he may even be married already. In her typical Cheryl way, she flipped her hair back and joyfully told me that none of that mattered---she just could not get married to me because she wanted to date him.
    The most recent version of that dream theme was pretty vanilla as far as my dreams go. Cheryl was frustrated with some brilliant point that I was trying to make, and just had had enough of me. This time she simply called off the marriage. I explained to her that you just can't call off a marriage. She told me that you can, and she went away happy. The funny thing is that in all these types of dreams, in the end she goes away with happiness and joy in her heart. I, on the other hand, wake up mad at her.
    A friend of Cheryl's is a counselor and Cheryl once asked her what she thought of these dreams. The friend asked me if there was something in our marriage that I felt that I was not providing for Cheryl. This made me laugh... Let's see, I shop, I do laundry, I take care of the yard, I work, I provide money, I am a good father, and a good and faithful husband---so the answer would be no. In fact, I asked Cheryl if, when she told the friend about the dreams, "Did you make it clear that I was the one having the dream and not you?" The friend suggested that perhaps subconsciously, there was something that I thought that I was not providing for in our marriage.
    I assure everyone that this is the wrong interpretation, and this friend would still be in jail in Egypt if she were Joseph. Short of cloning myself, there is nothing more I can do--except maybe hang up my suits on a more regular basis.
   My interperetation of that dream is this: Despite my never ending efforts to meet and exceed all of my wife's expectations, the fact of the matter is that she will never be satisfied. I try and try and try but she will never be happy, and it is she that is constantly looking elsewhere for joy and fulfillment in her life. I am but a mere pawn in her never ending quest for more and more. I don't see how anyone could see it any other way.
    Thinking back now, I seem to have a history of these weird dreams.
    When I was studying for the bar exam, my best friend was getting married. As one of the groomsmen, I took time off from studying to attend various wedding functions. During this period, I had the same dream three or four different times.
    This was the dream: My friend and I were in his house when an explosion occurred forcing us to run out of the house. Out of the explosion came the Incredible Hulk. My friend ran one way, and I ran the other. No matter how fast I ran or what I did, the Incredible Hulk stayed with me the whole time. Finally, the Hulk caught up to me, ran beside me and said, "You're not doing enough."
   Some people would think that this had to do with my time away from studying for the bar. They would be wrong. My interpretation is this: It was just one superhero telling another superhero that I am capable of more. I don't see how anyone could see it any other way.
   So there you have it. Perhaps I don't need a dream interpreter after all. I seem to be pretty good at it myself. Let's review... I am a better baseball coach than my brother, I am great husband to my wife and I make every effort possible to meet her never-ending demands, and I am basically like a superhero. Dream interpretation is not that hard after all.
   Cheryl just read this, and thinks that, in truth, maybe I have some inadequacy issues.
   She must be dreaming.