Funny Guy Friday… If I only had a brain...

     As some of you know, my sister-in-law Karen recently underwent cranial surgery. I first became aware of the surgery when her kids ended up on our doorstep two days before the procedure. Karen had to go to Johns Hopkins for some final tests and we watched her kids. When she came back, she had what appeared to be Cheerios glued to her face. She explained that they were the markers for the surgeon. I can only guess that they try to be precise when they do surgery on people's brains.
     When Karen first got back to our house, her youngest son was a bit afraid of Ol' Cheerio Face and did not want to look at her. I must admit, although I wasn't afraid, I too, tried to avoid eye contact. Surgery was forty-eight hours away.
     Karen was being treated by a group of doctors led by some guy named Ben Carson. Apparently, he is kind of a big deal. I first became aware of Dr. Carson because a judge who does a lot of juvenile cases made all the kids who appeared in his courtroom read Dr. Carson's book. I always assumed he was a basketball player related to Dr. J.  Who knew he was a real doctor.
     After the surgery, her surgeon, Dr. Oz, advised her: Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on Earth, or slinks through the seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where women go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing that you haven't got: a diploma.    
     I think that is what he said; I could be confused. That could be from a movie. Oh well, this would not be the only time that I was confused by this surgery.
     Last night we were out to dinner and I had to take Noah to the bathroom. En route, I ran into some friends from high school. In the course of our conversation, they asked about Karen. I told them that Karen had had surgery and I explained to them the procedure. She had something hitting a nerve in her face and it hurt, so they made a little incision behind her ear and went in and put something between the thing and the nerve and whatever that is, it will prevent the ouchies. It was technical, but I am tired of holding back.
     I could tell the girls' heads were spinning, so I let them know that Cheryl was around the corner and they might want to go talk to her before they left. I didn't say anything, but I was thinking this would allow their brains to recover as they discussed some silly girly stuff.
     After a few minutes the girls came around to our table and had a nice visit with Cheryl. The topic of conversation eventually got around to Karen and her surgery. I kind of figured that they would ask Cheryl about Karen since they surely did not understand my technical description. I was hopeful that Cheryl could somehow dumb it down for them, but I was ready to jump in and clarify things if need be. I wasn't even sure that Cheryl quite understood the procedure but like every mother bird that pushes her baby birds out of the nest, I decided to let Cheryl try to handle this on her own. What a mistake!
     Cheryl mustered up some lame explanation that went something like this: Karen had trigeminal neuralgia. The doctors went in through the back of her skull in order to reach the trigeminal ganglion so they could find the blood vessel pulsing against her trigeminal nerve and causing irritation to her head and face. They then took a piece of Teflon-coated padding and placed it between the nerve and blood vessel. One out of ten patients has more than one blood vessel irritating the nerve. Of course, Karen is an overachiever and was that rare one out of ten case. Her recovery will include prescription meds like tegretol and oxycodone as well as follow up visits with her surgeon. They suspect she will be back to normal activities in six to eight weeks. 
    Wow, seriously, as you can probably guess, I was a little embarrassed for Cheryl. She did what she could, but there was so much stuff missing. I just decided to keep my mouth shut and talk to her about it later.
     When we got back in the car, Cheryl surprised me and asked if I wanted to go see Karen. I thought it might be a good idea for her to see Karen and maybe hear about the surgery right from the horse's mouth. I was on board with a surprise visit.
     When we got there, Karen's kids were watching Soul Surfer, the movie about the girl who had her arm torn off by a shark.
     The adults went into the kitchen, and that is when I saw it. It was no tiny incision tucked behind her ear! It was a five inch zipper from the side of her head down behind her ear and down her neck. She began to talk about the extent of the surgery and I started to get sick to my stomach. I excused myself and went to watch the shark bite that poor girl's arm off. Anything was better than what Karen was describing.
     I asked Karen's husband if he had been able to see her brain. They all giggled and pointed out that he was not in the operating room with her. I pointed out that when Cheryl had her c-section, I was right there, and I saw her uterus so is not far-fetched to assume that he might have been in the operating room and seen Karen's brain.
     Anyway, we are all hoping that the surgery is going to relieve the pain and just as important, we are praying that her hair grows back. The half-hawk is cool for a 13 year old, but not as cool on a woman pushing thirty (see Karen, I really do love you).
     Please keep Karen in your prayers. The last few months have been a very difficult time for her, but you would never know it. She laughs through the pain and always has a kind word for everyone. Instead of feeling sorry for herself, she has taken this opportunity to grow in her faith. She didn't give up a kidney or anything like my other sister-in-law, but she is truly an inspiring woman.
     You know what would be even more inspiring? A brain transplant for her favorite brother-in-law. There are times that I think that I may need one.