Funny Guy Friday… Meet you at the Turtle...

    Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So… I married a funny guy...
    It is eleven o'clock on Thursday night and I just realized that I have not written my weekly post. I have two great excuses. First, yesterday was the 4th of July and I keep thinking that today is Monday. Second, it is All Star season, and I am coaching my son Matthew's 11-year-old baseball team and we have been playing or practicing nearly every day. Our District Tournament just concluded on Tuesday evening and I am happy to report that we were victorious.
    Baseball season is the best time of year for our family. Matthew has developed into a pretty good ball player and played on two teams this past year. My younger son Noah is just starting out and he played machine pitch for the very first time. Basically, machine pitch is baseball with a machine instead of a real pitcher, and crazy parents instead of the regular everyday parents.
    This is a step up from coach pitch where the coaches pitch to their own team. This never really worked for me as I was overly competitive and I had to dominate. Look, these 6- and 7-year-olds need to learn at a young age, that there is always someone out there that is a little bit bigger, a little bit stronger, a little bit faster and a little bit older. I happened to be that guy. In fact, I was  bigger, stronger, faster and 41 years older. Despite my advanced years, I can still bring the heat! Strike three son now sit down and stop crying! 
    One of the best things about baseball season is the predictability of our evenings. I rush home from work. I get changed. I run to a field. We play. And then we go out to eat with two or three of the other families that also have kids at fields six days a week.
     When we go to dinner, we invariably end up at the Green Turtle. You know that you have been to the Green Turtle too many times when the waitress tells you that she knows that your son is number 12, he hits left handed and throws right. Has good hands in the middle infield but still needs to work on his range. He hits with a little pop at the plate and is an excellent bunter. He ordered the chicken caesar salad. What would you like?
     This is the third year that I have been involved in All Stars. For the younger kids, the selection process involves the coaches sitting around a table discussing which kids are worthy of selection to the team. These discussions are followed by a vote. Typically, the coaches are dads that are coaching their sons for the first time. My first year, I was fascinated by some of the discussions that would go something like this… Billy is a great pitcher and really hit well for me. Johnny can catch and hit and is a great leader. Both are worthy of consideration. Now let me talk a second about my son Todd… he is a real five tool player. He can hit for average, hit with power, he can play anywhere in the field, has a cannon for an arm and is fast as lightening. He will definitely be your starting shortstop and lead off hitter. 
     Really, you think so dad. Two things, I saw Todd play and he has half of a tool…..and I am being generous by giving him a "half tool" score. It is true that he can, in fact, play anywhere in the field. However, he cannot play anywhere very well. Besides, you obviously have no idea what you are talking about because my son is going to start at short and bat lead off.
     Actually, I remember that first year. I did not even mention Matthew until one of the other coaches asked about him. I gave this ringing endorsement: He is pretty limited as to where he can play so if you need a good catcher with a below average arm, he is your guy. He is a great kid that will be happy to be on the team even if he does not play at all. I am convinced that he was a near-unanimous selection to the team that year based, in large part, on being a nice kid. By the way, the one coach to hold out was me!
     As the kids get older and you get to see them play a little bit more, the good players start to separate themselves and the coaches tend to have a more realistic view of their sons. They only have four tool sons instead of five tool sons. For the most part, the right kids make the All Star teams.
     All Stars is also exciting because it gives the kids opportunities to play on new fields, with new kids, to meet new parents, and best of all, to eat at new restaurants. Well, this year, as I mentioned, Matthew played on two teams. For All Stars, he is playing with nine of the eleven kids from his travel team, and he played with the other two kids last year. No real opportunity to meet new kids. We already knew all the parents, and unfortunately, we continued to eat at the Green Turtle.
     This is not a knock on the Turtle, but everyone gets tired of eating at the same place night after night. Besides, the main reason that we end up eating at the Turtle is not because of the food. No, we eat at the Turtle because it will accommodate a bunch of kids. To put it another way, our kids can be as loud and obnoxious as they want to be and nobody will notice. When it comes right down to it, we are limited in our choices. We can either go to the Turtle or to Chuck E Cheese's. The choice is obvious.
    Oh well, I thought at least we would get the chance to play our games on a new field. Not so fast there, coach; we were designated to play our District Tournament in South Baltimore… for the second straight year. I then thought this would not be so bad because I remembered that last year at this time, they were in the midst of renovating the neighborhood with a new apartment complex over a strip of stores and restaurants. We anticipated that they would be done with the renovations and there would be lots of new eating options.
    As we pulled up to the field, it was obvious that the neighborhood had changed. The renovated area was beautiful and was within walking distance of the field. They did a great job of incorporating the new structure into the old neighborhood. Imagine our shock and horror when the one restaurant in the new complex that could accommodate a bunch of kids was… you guessed it, the Green Turtle. Just as big as day, right on the corner.
    As I mentioned, we cruised through the tournament. The kids played well and after each game we had to make the big decision… Do we eat at the Green Turtle in South Baltimore or the Green Turtle back home? We chose to eat in South Baltimore with the same old kids and the same old parents at the same old restaurant. But Tuesday night it was different. Tuesday night was better.
   It wasn't better because we were eating in a different city. Heck, the food was exactly the same. In fact, the service wasn't nearly as good, and they did not have a single scouting report on any of our kids. It was better because we were eating with the same old kids and the same old parents at the same old restaurant… as District Champions.
    We move on to the State Tournament next weekend in Easton, Maryland. I sure hope that they have a Green Turtle in Easton because baseball season is one of the best times of the year for our family. I don't want it to end.