Funny Guy Friday… Opposite Day...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So… I married a funny guy.
     Do you remember when you were a kid and you would have Opposite Day? These were days when up was down and no meant yes. I think that my wife played this little game yesterday.
     She called me at work and advised that a friend of our 12-year-old son Matthew had invited him to go to the movies. Cheryl is, of course, famous for her refusal to let the kids see any movie that is objectionable in any way, shape, or form.
     As I have written before, she checks all movies out on a website that I have dubbed www.youcan'twatchit.com. I am aware of her strict standards; the kids are aware of her strict standards; our kids' friends are aware of her strict standards; and our kids' friends' parents are aware of her strict standards. I think kids ask Matthew to go to the movies just to settle wagers.
     Hey mom, how much you wanna to bet that Matthew's mom won't let him go see the movie Cars 2?
     Are you serious, of course she will, it's a cartoon for goodness sakes. Okay, the loser has to clean the winner's bedroom for a week! Call them and let's see. 
     If you had Cheryl refusing to allow the kids to see Cars 2, your mom is vacuuming your room as we speak.
     The first Cars was great. Cars 2 is a heap of corporate-America-big-oil-is-evil/anti-American indoctrination. The answer is no.
   
     I asked Cheryl what movie that they had invited him to see this time, and she told me it was The Dark Knight Rises. I laughed and thought to myself, poor Matthew, he never gets to go see any of the new releases. Then, to my complete shock and amazement, she said that she told him that yes, he could go.
     Hell had just frozen over.
     Hello, Mr. Maher, this is the Devil. Yeah, I won't be able to hang out with you again today because I just hit an iceberg and am running a bit late. Don't worry though, I will be around again tomorrow.
   
     I could not believe it, and I was not the only one. Matthew excitedly recreated the whole episode when I got home......
     Craig called and asked if I could go see The Dark Knight Rises, and I got all bummed out because I knew mom was going to say no way. I went and asked mom, and she said, sure, you can go. I was like, "What? Really? No way!" Then I went and told Craig that I could go and he was like, "What? Really? No way!" Then Craig hollered out to his mom that I could go and she was like, "What? Really? No way!" Then she said something that I did not understand. She said, "YES, I won, I won, I won… Craig, you go clean my room right now!"

     But that was only the beginning of Opposite Day.
     I was talking to Cheryl on my drive home, and she told me that she was taking our daughter Gracie to go clothes shopping… and I quote… "because she never asks for anything." Seriously? Grace asks for everything! This was an actual conversation that we recently had:
      Dad, can I go to Houston to visit with my cousin Katherine for a month?
      No, you cannot. Katherine just left to go back to Houston and we have a retreat next weekend. Plus, you are not going away for a month. 
      Well, can I go for a week, then fly home and go to the retreat, and then fly back to Houston for two more weeks?
      No, you may not. 
      Will you buy me a car?
      You don't even have a license yet! 
      When I get my license will you buy me a Mustang?
      No. 
      I don't get anything.  

     I cannot blame Grace; she is a sixteen-year-old girl and asking for everything is just the nature of the beast. She does, however, have it down to an art form. She shoots for the moon (Mustang) and she settles for a trip to JC Penney for some new girlie things.
   
     But that was not the end of Opposite Day.
     Our 7-year-old, Noah, walked into the room and told us he had a new joke. Great, we love Noah's little jokes. He then proceeded to tell the following joke:
     A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asked, "Do you know that you have a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate replied, "Yeah, I know, it drives me nuts, aarrrrrr!"
     After my initial laughter, I determined that Noah may not have understood that joke, so I decided to tell him that he may not want to tell that joke to Grandma and Grammie. In fact, he may not want to tell that joke to anybody but us. Before I could give him my good fatherly advice, Cheryl jumped in and told Noah, "You have to tell that joke to our baseball friends!"
     Two thoughts crossed my mind. First, when did I become the responsible parent? The answer, of course is… on Opposite Day. Second, maybe Cheryl did not understand the joke either.
     What was going on around here? Up was down… in was out… and no meant yes.
     Okay, so it was Opposite Day... how could I take advantage of this?
     I came up with a brilliant plan. Before we went to bed, I told Cheryl that I was going to do some laundry, clean the kitchen, and then give her a nice massage. I was sure that she would tell me that she would do the laundry, clean the kitchen, and give me a nice massage.
     Needless to say Opposite Day must only apply to our kids. She accepted my offer and told me she would be ready for her massage when I came upstairs.
     I said, What the heck... today is Opposite Day!
     She countered, I know, I know… I assumed that that is why you volunteered to do all those nice things.
     Oh well, when I got back to bed, she was fast asleep. That's when I knew it. Opposite Day was officially over.