Funny Guy Friday... Don't scam the Gram...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     I was in a meeting when I received a call from my mother.  I was supposed to meet her for lunch the previous day and forgot, so I assumed that she was calling me to reschedule a new lunch date.  I did not accept the call, intending to call her back as soon as my meeting was over.
     A few minutes later, I received a call from my sister Sheree. My mother lives in a house that is located on Sheree's property.  This had me thinking that there was a problem, so I interrupted my meeting and took the call.
     My sister explained that my mother had received a call from someone claiming to be my nephew Sam, who attends grad school in Pennsylvania.  He said he had been arrested and was trying to get a bond of $1,800 posted so he could get released. He was very sad and swore my mother to secrecy. Poor ol' Sam reported that he was in a vehicle that contained illegal drugs.  They had been stopped by the police and they were all arrested and charged with distributing drugs. After telling his tale of woe, Sam placed the "authorities" on the phone. They proceeded to tell my mother what she needed to do to send the money.
     My mother, ignoring Sam's request for secrecy, immediately became flustered and called for my sister. Sheree spoke to the gentleman and then called me.
     Now, let's play a game called....What is wrong with this picture?
     My nephew Sam is one of the smartest people you could ever meet. Sam is majoring in archeaology. He is going to school so he can grow up and be Indiana Jones. I am not kidding... he is going to be Indiana Jones. He has been on "digs" in several states and in Italy. He speaks Spanish and Italian. In fact, I think he met his current girlfriend when she blinked and had "I love you" tattooed to her eye lids. If he were to be arrested, it would not be for dealing drugs but for pilfering some artifact from some stupid museum. When I explained that to my mother she commented... He didn't sound like himself; he sounded like he might just be on drugs. 
     Now I am not saying that smart people can't get arrested for drugs, but real smart people would not  do certain things.
     First, smart people would not call my mother for help posting a bond. My mother is, for lack of a better description, a panicker. In this situation, her first reaction was to get mad at me for not being there for lunch. I later explained that I was not supposed to be there for lunch, that was the day before. Didn't matter, she was mad at me. How can you post a bond when you are busy blaming your youngest... and cutest kid... for missing a lunch date twenty four hours prior?
     Second, smart people would know that you could never swear my mother to secrecy. As soon as she could, in the course of her conversation with the "authorities" on her home phone, my mother got on her cell phone and called my sister. This was no small feat considering that my mother is electronically challenged. She has trouble answering calls on her cell phone under the best of conditions.  Here, one of her beautiful grand babies was looking at hard time and she had the wherewithal to assess blame to me and call my sister.
     Third, smart people do not call my mother and expect her to wire funds. That process would have taken weeks if not months. Poor Sam would have had a trial, been sentenced and served his time before  Grandma Bail Bondsman got to the bank and wired the money.
     Sam would have known all of this.
     Here is something else that Sam would have known.
     He would have known that my sister Sheree was going to get involved. My mother told me that Sheree walked into her house with a smile on her face, eager to enter into the fray. She got on the phone and explained that if, in fact, Sam were arrested for drugs, perhaps he, and society as a whole, would be better served if he remained in jail. Sheree was having none of it. She got a number to call and then called me.
     Once I got involved, I quickly sniffed out a scam. Okay, Sheree sniffed it out first, but I would have, had I blown off my meeting and taken my mother's original call.
     Then I called Sam. No answer.      
     Hmmm, maybe Sheree is wrong about this scam and the boy really is in the hoosegow. Perhaps, just perhaps, he has decided to take his smarty-pants self and head up a profitable criminal enterprise. I never trusted Sam and voted him Most Likely Nephew to get Busted. My poor mother's heart will be broken when she hears this. $1,800 isn't enough of a bond. Let the little ne'er-do-well rot in jail! 
     Then Sam called me back. Forget what I just wrote.
     He was worried because he had received calls from Aunt Sheree and from Uncle Mark. I told him about the phone call my mother had received and how I knew it was a scam right from the start. Heck, no Judge would ever set a measly $1,800 bond for a drug dealer.
     I told him that I know that he is a good boy and would never get involved in these types of shenanigans. I further advised him that I would talk to Aunt Sheree because she was not so sure it was a scam.... that she always suspected that he was up to no good. I told him that I would try to smooth things over with her and try to get her to apologize. But let's just keep that between us.
     So, what have we learned?
     First, there are bad guys out there trying to take advantage of older folks.
     Second, these people stink and there is a special place in hell for them.
     Third. if you really do get arrested for selling drugs and you need to get someone to post a bond, don't call my sister Sheree.