Funny Guy Friday... How cool am I...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark.  So, I married a funny guy...
     I abandoned Cheryl and Grace on Mother's Day.  That's right, I left town for the weekend and left them to fend for themselves. And worse, I took Matthew and Noah with me.
     Okay, technically, I did not abandon the girls. I actually drew the short straw and had to take Matthew, Noah, and a few of Matthew's buddies to the beach for the weekend for Matthew's birthday. This worked out for Matthew and his buddies because, ahem, and I quote... Dad, you are the cool parent.
     You got that right, Jack!
     I don't worry about the number of rides we ride on at the amusement park... I don't worry about what we eat... I don't have to check out the movie on www.youcan'twatchit.com... WE ARE WATCHING IT,  BABY!
    We Don't Need No Stinkin' Mommies!
    The trip got off to a bit of a rocky start. Our vehicle seats seven comfortably, but I didn't account for the luggage, the sleeping bags, and the pillows for each of the seven comfortable riders. I don't know how we would have ever fit the other kids Matthew had wanted to add. No big deal, the driver was comfortable and the others learned what it feels like to be sardines. They did not seem to mind as they told story, after story, after story, after story,
    Funny thing when 12-year-olds tell stories... each one is the funniest story in the world. I know this to be true because prior to telling the story, they announce that they are about to tell the funniest story in the world. 
    One would think that the funniest story in the world would have a nice beginning, followed by a related plot, wrapped up with a logical conclusion.
     Not so, my friends. No... the funniest stories in the world typically start with a loud, unintelligible  beginning (I think it is loud and unintelligible because the loudest kid out of the gate seems to be the one that gets to continue with the next story), followed by a series of you knows, likes and uhmms. They then end with a confusing, I am not sure exactly what happened but it was the funniest thing ever. 
     Lots of stories were told in that two-and-a-half hour drive.  You cannot imagine how happy I was when someone suggested that we play the Quiet Game. I love the Quiet Game. It's so.......quiet.
     We arrived at 10:30pm and everyone was hungry. This, despite the stop at Dairy Queen. But I am the cool parent and the masses wanted pizza, so I was going to feed the masses. You would think it would have been easy to find a pizza joint open at that hour of the night in Ocean City but it was not.
    At one point, I asked the boys if I agreed to take them to Hooters, would they agree to not tell their mothers. This was met with wild enthusiasm but I knew these kids would throw me under the bus in a New York minute. So, we continued our drive up and down Coastal Highway before finding Billy's Sub Shop serving world famous pizza. Not sure if it was worthy of world famous but it was a good snack right before hitting the sack.
     The boys decided that they were all going to sleep in the same room. These sleeping arrangements were concocted despite the fact that there were two other bedrooms and a comfy couch available.  Despite my better judgment, I did the cool thing and let them sleep wherever they wanted. It was late, we had a lot to do on Saturday and they were tired.  How bad could it be?
     Here is how bad it could be... at 2:30am, I told them that we had a lot to do in the morning and they were going to have to go to sleep because if they stayed awake, they would wind up sleeping in all morning and then we were going to run out of time to do all the stuff we had planned. I was definitely not cool at that point.
     The good news is that despite staying up for another hour, they took half of my admonition to heart... they woke up at 6:45am. What the heck, they were not going to miss anything in the morning.
     Our day started off with a delicious breakfast of hot donuts. That's it... donuts. Donuts are great fuel for miniature golf. We went with the all-day pass, which proved to be a very fortuitous decision. The first 18 was played indoors with a second 18 played outdoors in the rain.  How cool am I? Let me just say this... rain does not dampen my coolness.
     After a full morning of mini-golf, we headed to the boardwalk at about noon. The rides were cheaper and unlimited from 1:00pm until 4:30pm. No problem, we will go eat and then head back to the amusement park. Pizza anyone?  In case you may have forgotten we have now had three meals since arriving at the beach... pizza, donuts and pizza. Keep that little tidbit tucked away for a few minutes.
     The boys got their tickets and it was off to the races. Every ride was empty so if they wanted to go twice, they just stayed on and went again, and again and again. Bumper cars went for fifteen minutes at a time. I tried to steer the kids to the bumper cars just to give them a break from the spinning rides. Those things made me dizzy just watching.
     After about the tenth spinning ride, one of the boys raced to the eleventh spinning ride looking a bit greenish. I suggested that he take a break. This young man plays baseball for me and whenever I ask if he can pitch another inning, he always responds with I got this, Coach. Typically, he does have it... so I let him press on. Again, I repeat, how cool am I?
     Remember the pizza, the donuts and the pizza that I asked that you tuck away in your memory banks a few paragraphs ago. Yeah, you guessed it. This young man reminded us all of that pizza, those donuts and that pizza as he exited ride number eleven.
     Now what would we do? We had one sick kid, five healthy ones and an hour and a half of rides still left on the clock. Fortunately, I had on two shirts so we did a quick change and then took a much needed break on the bumper cars. We took a vote and it was 5-1 that we stay. Sure it may not have been the most responsible thing to do, but five little boys thought it was the cool thing to do. One weak stomach cannot stop us.  
     We returned to the condo in time to take some much needed showers before going to see Iron Man 3. Before seeing the movie, we were able to squeeze in a 5:30 Mass. The boys were awesome in church. My guess is that they were exhausted, but I was willing to take it any way I could get it. One lady asked me if all six of these "angels" were mine. Yeah, sure lady, angels. That's right, angels. Go drive with them for two hours and ask one of them to tell you a funny story and then come talk to me.
     Once in the theatre, we ordered some popcorn and candy. This, I am sad to say, was dinner. I did offer to feed the boys after the movie, but they insisted that they were not hungry. One started to complain of a sore throat. In fact, I think his exact words were, Mister Mark, I have strep throat. 
     Okay, back to the condo. Oh wait a second, there is the mini golf course we played this morning. Can we play another round? I am feeling better, can we play.
     I was a bit skeptical of this miraculous recovery but what the heck, another round of golf isn't going to hurt, is it?  Seriously, how cool am I?
     It was an exhausting day and everyone got to sleep at a more reasonable hour. I know I was looking forward to a nice night of uninterrupted sleep. At 4:30 a.m., I was awakened with Mister Mark, my throat hurts so bad that I cannot breath. I am calling my mom!
     No need to call Mom. Take some Tylenol and I will get you some tea, and we will be heading home in a few hours. 
     Can you take me to the minute clinic? I think I have strep. 
     No, I can't, and no you don't, I said wishfully.  (By the way, he did not).
     The two of us stayed up for about an hour and then both headed back to bed. He fell asleep while I lay awake worrying if he were allergic to the Tylenol that I gave him or if he did actually did have strep. I spent the rest of the night getting up to check on him, making sure he was still breathing.
     Fortunately, the boy with the sore throat did wake up in the morning and we, er uh, I mean, I cleaned the condo and we headed home. Needless to say, it was a whirlwind weekend. The boys were exhausted and decided to watch a movie on the drive home. They selected The Hunger Games.
     Their movie selection reminded me that I had not fed them anything all day.  
     Look, I said I was the cool parent... not the responsible parent.  
     We made it home safe and sound just as Cheryl was heading out with Grace to continue their Mother/Daughter girls weekend. They had shopped, gotten their nails done, had sushi for lunch, watched a bunch of chick flicks, had their hair cut.
     How boring!  
     No funny stories... no late nights... no throwing up... no strep throat... no cleaning.
     You know, the more I think about this, the more I know what I want for Father's Day.