One thing about being in a big family... it always get bigger.
I am the youngest of six kids. My mother has twenty six grandkids, twenty-two great-grandkids, and, as of this very moment, there are four more great-grandkids on the way. By the time that I am done typing this FGF post, there may be one or two more in the hopper. We tend to move pretty fast.
I bring this up because in the past two weeks, two of my nephews announced that they are expecting their first children. This is very tough on me because these two boys are... oh... I dunno... like 8 and 12 years old.
What's that? They are actually 27 and 31 years old?... Not possible. I am... oh I dunno... like 27 or 31 myself... and I am way older than they are. You know, now that I think about it, maybe I am more like 27 + 31 years old. Not quite... but closer than I would like to think.
In my opinion, there is nothing in the world that can match the feeling that you get when you find out that you are going to be a parent for the first time. It makes you want to laugh, cry and vomit all at the same time.
You are suddenly going to be completely responsible for the life of another human being. You think about all of the stupid things you have done just taking care of yourself and then realize you are now going to be doing stupid things for yourself and a completely dependant baby. Despite the daunting task, Cheryl and I were always ready, willing and able... or so we thought... to take on the task of parenthood.
Like many young couples, we just assumed we would hang out together for a year or two and then start our little family. Things kind of went according to our plans and Cheryl got pregnant after two years of marriage.
Unfortunately, she suffered a miscarriage. Obviously, we were disappointed, but we had hope that children would soon be in our future.
Funny thing about our plans... they don't always jive with His plans. After many baby-less months, we decided to seek medical assistance. This began the very "clinical" process of having a child. That process should not be clinical... it is not nearly as much fun. Not only was it not fun, it didn't work. After several months of trying, Cheryl was still not pregnant.
We stopped the treatment and began to think that maybe we would just go through life without kids. Just Cheryl and I... alone... every night... just the two of us... quiet... alone... just Cheryl... and just me. It would have been... uh... fun?
In December '95, I approached Cheryl about going back to the doctor to see if we could try again and maybe undergo some more tests. She agreed to make an appointment for sometime after Christmas. Before we could attend that appointment, Cheryl discovered she was pregnant. One phone call; that was all it took. That doctor was awesome.
Gracie was born the following August. We finally had our little girl, and she was an angel.
I remember those first few years. I used to sit around every weekend and devote every second of my time to her. It would start with snuggles in the morning, dancing in the mid-morning, wrestling before lunch, singing after lunch, reading in the afternoon, followed by a quick nap. Then we would wake up and we would start the snuggling, wrestling, singing and reading all over again. I think Cheryl was there for this stuff but I am not certain.
I liked Gracie. I really, really liked her. What was not to like? She was the best snuggler, wrestler, singer, and reader in the world... and smart, too... oh... and beautiful... let's not forget beautiful. I guess other parents thought that their kids were special, but I knew that they were just fooling themselves. I had the one.
My feelings about our perfect little child made it difficult to leave her with other people, including her first teacher. The only thing that made it bearable was knowing that her teacher would have the pleasure of teaching the "perfect" child. I kind of figured that they would skip her right out of kindergarten because she already knew her letters, numbers and colors. Maybe they would decide to keep her in the class because maybe, just maybe, some of her awesomeness would rub off on some of these other loser... I mean... less perfect... children in her class.
We looked forward to our first parent-teacher conference. I mean, who does not like to hear about how great their first kid is? It was really just a formality for us. Other parents had to do it, so we did too. Heck, maybe we could have given the teacher some pointers.
We anxiously took our places in those tiny little kindergarten chairs and waited for the teacher to start singing Gracie's praises. I was ready to hear someone tell me how all of the time and attention that I gave that sweet girl was paying off.
Good morning Mark and Cheryl. You know, everyone is aware that you love your daughter and that she is the center of your universe.
Of course, she is, you have met her, right? Who would not think that she is the center of the universe?
Yes, well you see, she is the center of your universe and that is fine... but the problem is that she thinks that she is the center of everybody's universe.
Yes... and... is this some sort of problem?
Well... yes it is.
How so? Are you sure that you are talking about the right kid?
Yes, I am talking about your daughter.
Every comment after "your daughter" was obviously directed at Cheryl. The teacher continued:
I will give you an example of what I mean... I was talking to the other kindergarten teacher in the hall the other day when Grace poked her head out of the classroom and told us, "You two have been out here long enough... isn't it about time you got back into your classes?"
Well, how long were you two out there talking? Maybe thou doth protest too much?
You're missing my point. She oversteps her boundaries. She teases the boys with her potato chips... waving the chips in their faces before chomping down on them.
The boys or the chips? Why are there boys near her when she is eating, anyway?
Sir, I just think that you may need to discuss these things with her.
Well, how is she doing academically?
She is on schedule.
That's it?... On schedule? When does brilliant get classified as "on schedule?"
She is doing fine, but we need to watch her behavior.
When we got back in the car, my head was racing with all kinds of crazy questions. How can this teacher be so wrong? If the teacher spent more time in the classroom instead of the hallway, would she see what I see? Is it possible that all kids are as brilliant as ours? Why can't the boys' mothers give them their own damn potato chips?
As my mind slowed, I had two final, very clear thoughts.
How did we not see this coming? And more importantly... what did Cheryl do to Gracie while I was at work? She ruined her while I wasn't looking!
As time went by, we thought about what that teacher had said... and we tweaked a few things. I am not bragging, but I stepped in and took a more active roll in her upbringing. I was able to get her back on track and turn the tide. The end result is that Gracie has turned out to be a pretty great kid.
So all this leads me to my advice for my nephews as first-time parents.
Make the same mistakes that I made.
That's right. Devote every free minute that you have to them. Every weekend, take your babies and snuggle with them. Wrestle with them. Sing with them. Read with them. Nap with them... and then wake up and start it all over again. If you spend every moment of the day with them, it will not be enough. If you do this, your kids will turn out to be awesome.
Finally, don't let Aunt Cheryl anywhere near them. She'll ruin them when you're not looking.
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