Funny Guy Friday... I like dreamin'... Well... maybe not so much...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     I don't sleep much.
     Most nights, I wake up in the middle of the night with a thousand things going through my head. Sometimes these things are work-related and so incredibly important that I think if I could just act on them immediately, they could change the course of my career.
     Of course, when I actually get to the office, I find that some of these matters need no action, or better yet, I discover that I have already taken care of them and had forgotten about them... and my career is pretty much status quo.
     There are other nights when I wake up because of some stupid dream. I've had some of the most ridiculous dreams you could imagine.
     For years, I have had a recurring dream where I am dating Cheryl, wanting her to marry me, but she won't. In each dream, she always has some excuse as to why she cannot say yes. These dreams are never quite the same but always end with Cheryl refusing to marry me. My personal favorite reason why she could not commit was that she wanted to date ex-Yankee manager, Joe Torre.
     I pleaded with her. I told her that Joe Torre was older than she thought, and besides, where would she ever even see Joe Torre? Of course, at that point, she pointed over to Joe Torre, who was sitting at the next booth (we were in a restaurant when I was asking her to marry me), and this idiot Torre looked at me and gave me a little wave of the fingers.
     I hate Joe Torre.
     Then she told me that if things didn't work out with Joe... she would call me. This infuriated me, and, as I often do at the end of these dreams, I woke up, completely ready to fight with my sleeping bride. In fact, at the end of each of these "she won't marry me" dreams, I wake up extremely agitated and ready to attack.
     I waken Cheryl and ask just one simple question... Why?
     Her response is always the same... Who was I dating this time? Honey, I love you... I chose you! Now, go back to sleep.
     I'm not too sure about any of that. I still think she has something for Joe Torre.
     A psychologist friend of ours once opined that maybe I have these dreams because deep down I feel that there is something that I am not giving to Cheryl... and that somehow I feel I'm not worthy of her love.
     Not giving to her? Not worthy of her?... Bwa-ha-ha-ha! That's a good one! No... that's definitely not it. If that were it, Cheryl'd be having the dream, no?
     Another dream that I used to have on a regular basis, and was easily traced to events in my life, involved the Incredible Hulk... and no, Cheryl did not want to date him.
     When I was studying for the bar exam, my best friend, PJ, was getting married and I was in the wedding. Since this was less than a month before the exam, I attempted to balance the wedding activities with my studies. During that two or three week period, I would have the same exact dream almost every night.
     It would start out with PJ and me, as young kids, playing in his parents' house.
     We did something to trigger an explosion and we both ran out of the house. The house exploded and out of the fire rubble came this huge figure... the Incredible Hulk. The Hulk was angry and came running after us. PJ ran one way, and I ran the other. The Hulk always came after me.
     I ran through yards, jumped fences, and turned corners. I did everything I could possibly do to get away, but the Hulk was always two steps right behind me. Finally, he made his move and pulled up right next to me. Turning his head toward me as we both continued to run, he said... You are not studying enough!  
     That was it. I would wake up. Resentful of PJ, I would grab my books and resume studying.
     Now, I tell these stories because I had a dream the other night that simultaneously irritated me and made me laugh.
     I was playing softball and I came up to bat. The first pitch was nowhere close to being a strike, but the umpire called it a strike. As I turned to argue that it had no arc and "we are not playing baseball!" I saw that she had taken off her mask (no softball umpires wear masks, by the way) and revealed that she was an elderly black woman. Because of her age, I didn't say a word... I just thought she must have been confused.
     The next two pitches came in and they bounced in front of the plate. She correctly called them balls.  The count was now full, because in softball, you start with one ball and one strike. The last pitch was another fastball that was clearly low and outside.
     STRIKE 3! She yelled.
     Elderly or not, that was a horrible call, and I was not going to let it go this time. I told that old biddy she had no idea what she was doing and that she didn't even understand the rules. How could she be umpiring?
     She took off her mask and I thought she was going to throw me out of the game. Surprisingly, she turned and said in her best elderly, black woman voice... Here is what I do know: I know that you are a lightning bug!
     What? Lady, I have no idea what that even means!
     It means that you... are the first person... that I lit up... with a called third strike. I lit you up like a lightning bug! 
     My teammates did not back me up. I was left there, by myself, to think of a clever comeback, but I could not. I was a speechless lightning bug.
     I woke up furious that this lady, who didn't even know the stupid rules, would call me out on strikes. Cheryl woke up and asked me what was going on.
     As I recounted the dream, I just started laughing because I have never in my life, ever heard anybody refer to another person as a lightning bug. I have never heard anyone say, I lit you up like a lightning bug! 
     I think that I just created a whole new phrase for the English lexicon. I love it and will use it whenever I can.
     Cheryl and the kids think two things: first... that I must have heard it somewhere before.
     And second... that it is ridiculous and should have been left buried in my unconscious.
     I, of course, completely disagree.
     I think it is a very handy little saying that I intend to use again. For starters: If Joe Torre keeps messing with my wife, I am going to light him up like a lightning bug.