Funny Guy Friday... What I did on my summer vacation...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     It's been a rough week.
     It started off with such great promise.
     We did not go away this summer, so I decided to take the week off. We had intended to go on a nice family vacation sometime this year, and Disney World sounded like a good idea. I thought we could do this in November because our kids are unemployed home schoolers.
      But this fall, Cheryl enrolled the boys in a two-days-a-week tutorial where, I assumed, they would get help with subjects in which they were struggling or instruction in classes that Cheryl could not handle. Turns out, the teachers cram five days of eleven-subject classroom work into two days, and the boys are working from sun-up to sun-down just to keep up.
     This is not how I remembered it last year when they would come and go as they pleased. They would spend the day at the pool and count it as gym class. Or they would whittle, shop and bake and call it art, math and home economics.
     This new program is like real school... only realer. You miss a week of this school and you are a month behind. Here I was figuring that we could spend a week at Disney and call it a lesson in marketing.
     But no. Even if the boys could miss a week of "tutoring," we still couldn't have gone away because my girl Gracie went and got herself a job. We have occasionally gotten fresh-mex takeout from California Tortilla, and one evening Gracie commented that it seemed like a nice place to work. Next thing you know, she has filled out an application, has interviewed and has been hired to work part time.
     Now mind you, neither Cheryl nor I have ever asked her to seek employment outside our home... and our requests for her to work inside the house have been met with mixed results. She did this on her own, she says, not for the money but to get the experience and the responsibility of having a job.
     In my job, I hear people say that they don't do things for the money, but I never believe them... it's always for the money. But, I do believe Grace because she has no idea how much money she is making, and after one month, has not asked about her paycheck. She keeps mentioning direct deposit, but she doesn't have a bank account.
      Details, details.
      I will say, Grace brings a big smile to my face every time she starts off a sentence with, Now that I work in the food industry....
     Oh yeah, Grace also thought it might be a good idea to enroll in a class at the community college to supplement her home schooling. She is taking Italian. Can you say Ciao Florida vacation?
     All of this means no Disney World. So I had a week off to do stuff around the house.
     On Monday... I went to work.
     On Tuesday, I went to SAM'S Club and shopped and shopped and shopped and then had to clean out all the pantries in the house to clear space for all of the stuff we stocked up on.
     I kind of wished I had gone to work.
     Then there is Rocky the dog.
     We had been taking Rocky for a test drive, and we have officially decided that he is here to stay. However, because he spent a day at the pound, Maryland mandates that he has to be neutered. I know what all you men are thinking... tough law!
     Anyway, last Friday, he had his, ahem, uh surgery... ix-nay with the esticles-tay. They had to put Rocky out during the surgery (I would have liked to see the vet try that surgery if the dog had been awake), and when he got back to our house, he was totally out of it. He just stood there and swayed back and forth struggling to keep his eyes open. This prompted Matthew to declare that if he ever fell asleep and woke up without any testicles, he wouldn't want to go to sleep again either.
     To make matters worse, ol' Rocky had a terrible reaction to the anesthesia and threw up all over our living room carpet. I'd say about eight times. The carpet is ruined, so this has sped up our plans for wood flooring. Although the dog came free of charge... there is a cost!
     Then there was what will forever be known as "the little mix up."
     We are still not quite used to having Rocky in the house all the time, so we are becoming more vigilant about keeping the front door closed, vacuuming more often, and not leaving little "chew toys" around the house.
     You'd think that we would have to be more careful about leaving our food around, but that has not been a problem. Rocky looks interested when we eat, but he has not partaken of our mealtime feasts. So far, he has only sniffed around, gotten bored and walked away.
     However, there was one little food issue. The other day, I walked into the kitchen and saw that Cheryl was preparing to make clam chowder. I knew this because she left those yummy little oyster crackers out on the counter. I love clam chowder, and I love those little crackers. I reached into the bag and helped myself. They were kind of heavy and seemed more like oatmeal cookies than crackers. They tasted okay, but I've had better.
     The next day, Matthew had a friend over and he was showing him Rocky's new treats. My interest was piqued... Wow, they look a lot like the oyster crackers that I enjoyed yesterday. I inquired and 'lo and behold, those were not oyster crackers at all.... why... they were dog treats. I wish I would have sniffed around, gotten bored, and walked away.
     Fortunately, I have had no ill affects from the mix-up other than an odd desire to scratch my left ear with my foot and go lie down at the foot of the couch and have Cheryl rub my belly.
     So anyway, having had enough of my "stay-cation," on Tuesday night, I declared that we were going to go somewhere for a few days. After arranging for man's best friend to re-visit with my nephew and his wife, we headed off to a family-friendly resort in Williamsburg, Virginia.
     Once we arrived, my lovely wife scheduled me for a massage at the spa. Having just finished back-to-back spring and fall baseball seasons, coaching multiple teams, I was ready for a nice relaxing massage. My masseuse was a nice little lady who took note of my sore spots... basically the right side of my neck, my right shoulder, the right side of my back, and my, ahem, right cheek. I am right handed and throw a lot of batting practice.
     The room had candles, incense, and soothing music... very relaxing. And then it began. Thirty minutes of complete torture. Not only did my trouble spots hurt, the coordinating spots on the opposite side of my body were even worse. I wanted to cry but said nothing because this woman probably only weighed about 105 pounds.
    She was not a nice lady at all! She was 105 pounds of terror.
    You know it was bad when, in the middle of all the relaxing music, candles and scents, she stopped and commented... Boy, you are a mess! 
     I guess things could have been worse...I could have had Rocky's week. I suppose when all was said and done, it wasn't such a bad vacation.
     And I did some math... a trip to Disney was going to cost about six grand. The trip to Williamsburg, from soup to nuts, cost about a quarter of that; we dropped a thousand at SAM'S Club; and the new hardwood floor should run us about $3,000.
     This leaves more than enough money for a nice dinner out... complete with clam chowder.