Funny Guy Friday... Just in time for Christmas...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     I came home Wednesday early from work to go Christmas shopping. Due to unforeseen circumstances, we are a little behind the eight ball this year, but I figured that Cheryl and I could knock some of it out. This was planned and was well known to all involved that Daddy was coming home early.
     Just to be sure, I called and announced that I was on my way.
     Apparently, there have been times in the past when I would say that I was coming home early, but would get caught up at work, or at the field or at the store... you get the picture. I am a dad and like my dad before me, I can exercise my option to talk to people and take my time getting home.
     If you ever had a dad, you know what I am talking about.
     So, imagine my surprise when, at 1:30 in the afternoon, my wife says: No problem, but I'm just about to hop in the shower!
     Hop in the shower? It is 1:30 in the afternoon!
     I know, I've been helping the kids with school.
     Are they done? 
     No, but they can work on stuff while we are gone. 
     I knew that this was not true. They always need her help, and if they say they will work on stuff without us (and by us, I mean Cheryl), they never do.
     Besides that... we need to get the house ready for the carpet men!
     Those last few words were uttered with great animosity. 
     Cheryl was not happy about the carpet project, and this has been a bone of contention in our marriage for the past few weeks. You see, we decided to redo some of the floors in our home. It started with replacing the family room carpet with hardwood. Then we decided to re-carpet the study, as well as the upstairs hallway and bedrooms. I did the scheduling, and I did a superb job of scheduling if I do say so myself. Carpet men coming the day after Thanksgiving... and the hardwood guys coming the day after that.
     BOOM baby! All done! Just in time for Christmas!
     BOOM baby! This might explain being behind the eight ball!
     Okay, there may have been foreseen circumstances, but that's kind of water under the bridge, don't you think?
     Cheryl thought, what with us hosting the family Turkey Bowl football game, the pre-game breakfast, and then twenty-five or so for Thanksgiving dinner, that we might be biting off a bit more than we could chew. I felt we were biting off just the right amount. Like a bandaid that you pull off quickly, so as to minimize the pain.
     We will never get the house ready for all that, she lamented... and lamented... and lamented!
     Nonsense. We'll have people over... and they can spill, spit, burn, stain, and vomit all over the floors and we won't care! The boys and I will take up the carpet in the family room on Friday while the carpet people are installing upstairs. This is perfect. 
     Cheryl was still not convinced. So she prayed about it.
     On Tuesday we got the call that the carpet was on back order.
     I can't believe that you prayed for our carpet to be on back order. 
     Look, God did not intend for all of this to happen in one weekend. We can wait until after Christmas to have the carpets installed. We can decorate the rooms and be done with it until January. This will be better, you'll see.  
     Well, God should have had you answer the phone when the carpet people called because I already rescheduled for December 13th. We'll put very few decorations in the living room... and we'll put nothing in the bedrooms for Christmas. BOOM baby! Still all done before Christmas! This is going to work like a charm... stick with me! 
     Despite the fact that the carpet guys did not come that Friday, we still had to prepare for the hardwood install.  We still had to purchase the wood, move the furniture, take up the family room carpet and padding, and dispose of said carpet and padding... and of course, pull up all the staples. Like most home improvement projects, it was fun... for about an hour. Then it became one big pain in the neck. At one point I looked at Matthew and Noah and said... Men, this is why you want to go to law school someday!
     My helpers and I got it done and our installers arrived bright and early on Saturday morning.
     Like any home renovation, there were little problems that needed to be addressed... and additions... by my lovely wife who, if I did not know any better, seemed to be sabotaging the whole project. Once they took care of all the preliminaries, they got on a roll. And it was a great roll, right up until they asked where the rest of the material was.
     We bought 240 square feet and that allows for some waste. That should be enough, but I must say, it looks a little short!
     Well, somebody may have some dyslexia issues because you need 420 square feet. 
     Ouch! That makes sense since the room is 20 x 21. That was going to put us way over budget!
     When all was said and done, the floors were done in time for us to bring in our Christmas tree, and despite Cheryl's efforts to thwart my plans, the hardwood looks marvelous.
     That brings us to my getting home from work early.
     The carpet men were coming in two days, and the soon-to-be-carpeted study had not been touched.
     No time for Christmas shopping.
     Cheryl teaches school in the study and there is a lot of stuff in there. I mean a... lot... of... stuff. How do I say this... The room is a walk-in junk drawer.
     With our Christmas shopping on hold, my focus was diverted to preparing the study for the new carpet. Like most home improvement projects, it was fun... for about an hour. Then it became a pain in the neck. I see a theme with these home improvement projects.
     At one point, after taking the 700th book off the shelf, I had to ask Cheryl a question... but before I asked the question, I had to ask if I could ask a question without her getting mad at me.
     Cheryl made no promises.
     Do we really need to have all 700 of these books in this room?
     She was right not to make any promises. Let's just say she loves books, and it would be fair to say that we do, in fact, need all 700 books in the study.
     So now, everything from the study is strewn all over the dining room and the kitchen, and we are just about ready for the final piece of the redecorating puzzle. And although I did not get any shopping done that day... when I finally do go Christmas shopping... I know exactly what to give my lovely wife.
     It appears that she loves books.
     Who knew?