Funny Guy Friday... 'Twas the night...

Funny Guy Friday is written by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house,
All the creatures were sleeping
... My kids... and my spouse.

The stockings were hung
Each bigger than the other...
"I hope I get more
Than my sister and brother."

The kids were still nestled
All snug in their beds
While dreams of Christmas loot
Danced around in their heads.

And Mom, in her jammies,
Asleep like a log...
Awake, I worried for Santa
"Did we crate the dog?"

When down in the den
There arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed
Stopping first to empty my bladder.

Down the steps I bound...
I showed great hustle...
I took them two at a time...
Pretty sure I pulled a muscle.

The moon shone bright
Through our red front door
I wondered what had fallen
On our nice new wood floor.

When what with my blurry eyes
Did I see?
But a guy dressed in red
Looking straight back at me.

He moved through the room
A fat guy... but quick
I knew right away
This dude was pretty slick.

He waisted no time...
His movements unique...
He was there to deliver...
Should I dare sneak a peak?

I wondered what it was
That he had in his sack
Matthew's phone? Noah's bike?
Or perhaps Gracie's Mac?

From the top of the house
To the door of our 'fridge...
It seemed pretty clear
He'd been drinking a smidge.

His eyes were all bloodshot
His cheeks were quite red
It was hard to make out
Anything that he said.

He drooled and he staggered
Through the room with the tree
I really must admit
It was something to see.

He filled all our stockings
He seemed to be merry...
He tripped on some tinsel
And this made me wary.

He gathered himself
Getting ready to fly
I finally spoke up
"Sir, I bid you good bye!"

So, out the back door
The intruder, he flew
His sack was now empty
'Xcept for a beer... or two...

And with a big mumble
He went out to our deck
"This ain't even my house!
Oh... what the heck."

Turns out he was a neighbor
Who'd had a snoot full.
I didn't much care...
He left stuff that was cool.

But I grabbed him by his shirt
And I turned him around...
"Take my advice, Mister...
Or you may be jail-bound.

"Get out of this fur...
Put your own shirt on...
Your house is over there...
Your wife won't wake 'til dawn!

"Then, get up in the morning...
Get to church for your sake...
It won't be easy to do...
Your head's gonna ache.

"But a Savior was born
Sent to save us from strife.
See for yourself
It might change your life!"

So he shook my hand
And with a twinkle in his eye
He tripped down our steps
And he told me good bye!

I'm not sure if he made it
To church that next day
To celebrate His birth
On Christmas Day.

But I do know that jolly old man
That I caught
Left my kids better gifts
Than the ones that I bought!

At least he heard me exclaim
As he stumbled out of sight
"Merry Christmas to you
And to all a good night!"