Funny Guy Friday... Ahh... Little League...

    Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
    We are smack dab in the middle of the Little League baseball season. Little League baseball... where kids who have been playing for years are teammates with kids that have never played baseball in their lives.
    Coaching kids with that much of a disparity in talent presents unique challenges. But before you can get to the coaching, you have to get through the draft.
    Ah, the draft.
    It starts with seventy five kids catching three pop-ups, swinging three times off of a tee, fielding three ground balls, and throwing three pitches. Each kid is then evaluated on a 1-5 scale before they are assigned a "value number" for the draft.
     You know, Major League Baseball wastes so much money on scouting. Hours and hours of watching prospects play to determine their draft status when all they really have to do is see them do everything three times.
     In order to evaluate the players, each coach is given a sheet with the kids' names listed. I make notes on my sheet... sometimes they are good notes and sometimes they are not so good. Unfortunately, they collected my sheet and I had to do some quick erasing and misdirection. For instance, if a kid misbehaved, he was immediately eliminated from my team. My note might read Probable Pain in A... This quickly got erased to PPIA.
    There were several PPIA's.
    People would be surprised at the lengths coaches will go to get great value draft picks. They will have good kids they know bat left-handed at the evaluations even though they are right-handed. They will have their kids drop balls on purpose or lob every pitch. Winning is important at this level.
    In years' past, the person that presented the biggest problem in the draft for me, was my lovely wife.
    I saw Billy's mom at the pool, and I told her you would draft Billy. Oh, and don't forget to get Chris because I also spoke to his mom... Ooh, and Freddie. His mom said he is very excited about playing for you. 
    Cheryl, I can't draft them all... Billy and Chris stink and Freddie is a PIA! 
    They all need you in order to get better, and you can make them behave. God put them on your team for a reason.
    No... No... God did not do that, you are trying to do that. God wants a winner. God loves winners. God makes winners happy and losers sad. There is a reason for that... He likes winners!
    Just draft them and make it work out! You always do such a great job! 
    Yes, I always do such a great job.  Here is what I do...
    I demand discipline and concentration... like the time this year that I told an 8-year-old that he had to stop crying, or I was going to take him out of the game. I warned that he had to get tougher, or he could not play baseball.
     An inning later he came off the field and back to the dugout in the middle of the inning. I thought that he had to go the bathroom... a pretty common occurrence in Little League. No, he was crying because... and I quote... I am not tough enough to play baseball! 
     I keep a strict player/coach relationship... like the time a couple of years ago when I got down on one knee to explain to a six-year-old that he had to back up first base on throws from the infield. As I was talking, he sat on my other knee and put his arms, with glove and all, around me. I never did get out my instructions as I picked him up and twirled him around. He didn't care about backing up first base at all... why should I?
     By the way, I drafted that kid again this year because, as I explained to his dad, in over thirty years of coaching, I have only had one player sit on my knee and give me a hug. How could I not draft that kid when I get the chance?  My own kids don't do that! 
      I repeat things time after time, so there is no misunderstanding my demands... like the time this year when I reminded a player on second to move up on a passed ball. Passed ball number one came and went, and the kid only moved one or two steps. Passed ball number two and he only moved up three or four steps. Number 3 and we got another step or two further. When he finally made it to third, I asked him why he did not move up on the passed balls.
     I did move up... I moved up on each one. 
     No, you did not! 
     I did... but I was not sure how far you wanted me to move up. I kept getting further and you kept saying the same thing. 
     I want you to move up to the next base... that is how far you move up!
     Oh... then you should have said that! 
     So now you know my secrets to success.
     We win more than we lose, but we certainly don't win all of our games... and I am pretty sure that the kids are having fun. Kind of a novel approach... make it fun for now. There will be plenty of time in these kids' baseball careers to worry about winning every game.
     Right now, I think my job as a Little League coach is to make sure that all my players want to play baseball again next year. Next year will provide different opportunities as a coach.
     For instance, we can worry about backing up first base... next year!