Funny Guy Friday... Heartbroken fan... again...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     I am the worst person in the history of sporting events to watch a game with. I always expect the worst and have no trouble verbalizing my opinions. My poor boys get confused because, generally, I think I am a pretty positive person,
     They don't get it. They are young and have not witnessed the playoff futility of the Caps or the long term incompetence of the Wizards.
     Unfortunately, my boys were forced to watch the worst ten minutes in the history of area sporting events on Wednesday when the Wizards took on the Hawks in Game 6 and the Capitals squared off with the Rangers in game 7 of their series.
     Both teams lost in brutal fashion in the last moments of their respective games... within ten minutes of each other.
     Let me start with the Caps.
     I advised the entire family that I would not be watching this game because I could not bare to watch another Game 7 loss by the home team. I tried to explain their history of losing their series after jumping out to insurmountable, er uh, huge leads. But then I got sucked in when the gas station attendant advised me that the Caps were up 1-0.
    When I got home, I just had to watch. Have you ever had a sore in your mouth and you have to keep touching it to make sure that it is still sore?
     This was my dilemma.
     To be honest, I am not a huge hockey fan.
     I never watch an entire regular season game and steadfastly refuse to get sucked into a playoff run. But then the Cappies dragged me in by winning a game or two in their first playoff series. The perfect analogy for the Caps is the prettiest girl in the school who bats her eyes and flirts with you... and leads you along a hopeful trail... right up to the point when she unceremoniously dumps you and breaks your heart.
     On a side note... I recall back in high school when this pretty girl stopped me in the hallway and asked if my mom participated with Meals on Wheels. Of course, it was clear to me that she did not really care about my mother or about Meals on Wheels... she was digging me.
     At least that is what I think was going on. Okay, maybe not. It turns out that her mom also did Meals on Wheels and had asked her to ask me if my mom, was in fact, my mom!
      I just assumed that she wanted me... to do Meals on Wheels with her... if you know what I am saying.
     Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying either.
     Maybe she was just being nice and I somehow misinterpreted her actions. You know, it must be hard being the prettiest girl in the school. Every time you say hello, some idiot boy, like myself, thinks you dig him and can't live without him.
     It made sense at the time and in this case... was the only logical explanation!
     Back to the Caps. They are like that pretty girl in your homeroom that mentions to you that she went to a fun party and asks if you ever go to parties.
     Hey, Mark... you won't believe what I did this weekend. I went to a party on Long Island and had a great time. I even won a game or two... what did you do?
     Nervously... I stayed home. I love to watch baseball. 
     Well, you should come check out the next party at the Verizon Center.
     Recalling previous years' broken hearts, I resist...
     Maybe, but the Nats are in town and Harper is on fire and I'm kinda seeing them now.
     Suit yourself. 
     A few days later, she is back... But this time in a very low cut, seductive hockey sweater.
     Hey, do you like my playoff outfit? Things are getting hot, and there is still time to join the fun. She says with a wink.
      Er, uh, I'll be honest, the last few years, you kinda broke my heart. 
      I'm sorry baby, but things are different this year. I have changed. C'mon, you can trust me. I got a lead early and stayed on top the entire first series. I was hot on the ice, she added as she mischievously bit her bottom lip.  C'mon, you will not regret it. Join me as I start the Ranger series. 
     Well, maybe I'll watch you. But...
     Yes, yes, watch me, you will love it! I mean, we will have some fun... If you watch.
     Wait a second. Slow down, I insist. Maybe I'll watch... but if you mess with me in Game 1... I am out. 
     Just give me a chance... I will do something special in Game 1, just for you. Baby! 
     Sure enough, she did. Game 1... a last second goal to win the game.
     Now, I was clearly intrigued... but still cautious.
     Did you see that, baby! I did that for you, she blurts as she playfully twirls the chin strap of her hockey helmet.
      That was impressive. But the Nationals are getting hot so I really cannot commit. I say, knowing full well, she had me hook, line, and sinker.
       She knew too...
       Yeah, the Nationals... You think you can go all the way to a championship with her? Go ahead, last time I saw the Nats in the playoffs, they blew a huge lead to the Cardinals. Just sayin'. You know you belong with me. Forget about the Nats!
        As most of you know, the Caps and I went on a torrent five game love affair and were 90 seconds from closing it out... When the inevitable happened in game 5. Late Ranger goal, Caps lose in overtime.
       Hey, what happened to you last night? You were doing great, I was having a great time then you all of the sudden went cold as ice! Pardon the pun.
      Back off, clingy boyfriend! Give me some space to figure this out, she says.
      Clingy is a bit harsh, I was just saying that...
      I know what you are saying! You know, I'm sorry, baby, I am just stressed a bit. Hang in there with me... You'll see. We will be okay! 
      We were not okay.  We lost game 5 and game 6. Then came another heartbreaker in Game 7.
      What happened? I plead. You broke my heart again. You promised this year would be different! You guaranteed it would be different!
      What do you mean? So we lost. Get over it. Nothing is guaranteed! 
      But you promised... you won the first series and went up 3-1 and you lost. You promised changes!
      We need to talk! She insists.
      What? About what?
      Look, it's not you, it's me. I am moving on... who knows... maybe next year we can get together. The seductive hockey sweater was now replaced by a golf outfit.
      But I cared so much for you. How can you do this to me... again? 
      This is for the best... you will be better without me... you were too good for me. 
      Okay, I guess. Maybe next year? I suggest pathetically.
      Yeah, sure. She had moved on... much to my chagrin!

     Now, as for the Wizards.
     If the Caps are the beautiful girl that breaks your heart, the Wizards are the ugly duckling that blossomed into a beautiful swan. Still the nice girl that you will give every chance... and she deserves it.
     I am still in on the Wiz!
     However, I would be remiss to let the end of game 5 go without commenting on their center, NeNe.
In the last twenty seconds, he missed a five-foot shot... by six feet and he got punked on a last second rebound.
     You are a huge human being among huge human beings... go and grab that ball to secure the victory!    
     John Wall is my hero. They got this. Never give up. They will win the series... I guarantee it!
     And if not... The Nats are on fire and if she will take me back, I am all hers.