Funny Guy Friday... Preparing for the worst...

     Cheryl and I are both convinced that inflation is going to hit, and hit hard, in the not-so-distant future. As a result, we have made some decisions to prepare... buying enough canned food, flour and sugar to last for months. This is a no-lose proposition. If we are wrong, we will have enough food, purchased at a reasonable price, to last for months. If we are right, we will have enough food to last for months, and we won't have to shop for food sold at ridiculous prices. In addition, we will have a great opportunity to meet the neighbors, as they try to break down our door to get at our stockpile.
     Frankly, Cheryl has explored many food storage and emergency options, but her latest research speaks volumes about how far she is willing to go in order to prepare.
     Matthew and I went out to do some Christmas shopping, and while we were out, we snuck into Red Robin for a bite to eat and into Menchies (a frozen yogurt store) for another bite to eat---sort of our own food storage plan. 
     When we returned home, Grace advised that Cheryl was on the computer doing some research. I had hoped it was research on cleaning, and ironing shirts, because at this particular moment, I need some shirts cleaned and ironed. Unfortunately, it was research about survival kits. You know... the kits that you put in your car or home that will provide all the necessities that you may need in an emergency.
     We have all seen the movie where some couple in a crumbling marriage is driving on some isolated road in a blizzard, in the midst of an argument started by the wife who "craves more" from the already overworked husband. A deer runs out and in an effort to avoid the deer, they drive their car off of the road. The couple is knocked unconscious until the husband comes to, and lovingly revives his demanding wife. A slap in the face works too.
     Their car will not start, but even if it could start, they could not drive it because the damage is too extensive. As they turn on the radio, they discover that the roads are all shut down and there is no chance of a rescue.
     They are stranded and must decide either to venture out or to stay in the car and wait for help. What to do, what to do! Oh, by the way, did I mention that their cell phones are both out of juice? They are in a heap of trouble.
     The couple has no means of survival in the car so they decide to venture out to find help because they know that it is hopeless in that car. As they struggle to survive, and are on their last leg, they come upon a mysterious mountain man. This man has been living in "these parts" for years, and is the answer to their prayers.
     At first, he seems so helpful as he leads them to his warm cabin and feeds them a nice hearty stew. Fortunately, he has made enough for three people this particular day.
     They stay with this mysterious stranger for a few days, long enough for the curious wife to look around the cabin and discover a briefcase with the bank's logo on it. When she opens it, she finds a bundle of cash and recalls the bank robbery that occurred in her hometown four years ago. GASP. It was him.
     As she shuts the briefcase, our mountain man walks in on her. He becomes irate, and now he has no choice but to tie them up until he can figure out a way to kill them both. The poor husband, a good looking professional, lawyer perhaps, who is a great provider, but has not had a fight since the sixth grade, puts up a valiant effort, but in the end, the mountain man prevails. He then ties the couple up to the bed until he can decide how he is going to kill them.
     As we all know, that decision can take days to figure out. Despite his pending plan to kill the couple, he inexplicably continues to feed them until a final decision is made on that killing thing. As a result, the mountain man/bankrobber occasionally has to venture out of the cabin to search for food.
     On day seven of the ordeal, he decides he needs help to drag the day's kill into the cabin. It is a bit odd that after years of being a mountain man, living by himself, he now needs help but he does. He unties the wife so that she can assist and while she is untied, she turns on her womanly charms. Despite seven days without a bath, the mountain man/bank robber cannot resist her, and he lets his guard down long enough for her to whallup him with a shovel. She then unties her husband and he sends smoke signals to the local authorities, that can now be seen because the blizzard has cleared. The woman realizes how lucky she is and how much she really does love her husband. They live happily ever after with a nice reward from the bank.
    What does this have to do with Cheryl's research, you ask? If the couple had assembled a survivor's kit, none of this would have ever happened. They could have stayed in that car for days and waited for the blizzard to clear.
    And now... The rest of the story... When Matthew and I returned home from our night out, Grace tried to tell us about the research but couldn't get the words out because she could not stop laughing.
     It turns out that Cheryl had been pricing "catastrophe kits," and was impressed by one that thought of everything. This particular kit included six "poop bags," and even a "cat" toy. Obviously something to keep the kiddies occupied as they await rescue. Wow, very impressive, they think of everything, she commented.
     As Cheryl looked closer, she realized that the kit also included actual cat food. Now that seems a bit odd, she thought. Wait a second, a closer look revealed that the poop bags were for cats. And the catastrophe kit was not exactly a catastrophe kit, but instead was a CAT-tastrophe kit... designed specifically for felines. We don't even have cats!
     This story is particularly alarming for me because this is the woman that I have to rely on to charm our captor and then hit him over the head with a shovel! By the way, I thought that Brad Pitt would be perfect in the role of the husband!