Funny Guy Friday... Ramblings from "little Markie"...

    My little man Noah is playing baseball on a team for the first time. Actually it is coach pitch, but close enough. To my surprise, he is better than I anticipated. We have been practicing and I must say, he swings the bat pretty well---even hits the ball occasionally, he catches most of what I throw at him, and he has a decent arm. He should do just fine.
    Tonight, I went to his first practice, and as I watched a bunch of six-year-olds play baseball, I wondered if other people think of stupid stuff as much as I do.
    For instance, I actually told my wife that I would dominate if I played on this team. Those kids would not have a chance if I got up to bat. And it is not just six-year-olds, I think that I would be effective in any league where the kids are 10 or under. Man, I wish I could have the baseball skills that I have as an adult, but look like I was a six-year-old. That would be awesome. I can't possibly be the only idiot that thinks this way, can I?
    As I watched practice, I thought that Noah's new coach was not very concerned about positioning his players. One kid was hitting and seven others were all standing around the shortstop position. This "shift" was occurring with a right-handed hitter who could not even pull an underhand pitch, for crying out loud. In fact, the batter hit every ball to the right side of the infield, and all the kids standing at short would run to the other side of the infield to jump on the ball as if they were saving the rest of the team from a hand grenade. Then, they all got up off the ground and ran back over the the shortstop position.
    Noah is the smartest kid on the team, as he suggested that "just the kid closest to the ball should go and get it, instead of the entire swarm.'' He actually used the word swarm.
    That's good leadership, but if I were the six-year-old captain of this team, I would position my teammates. I would take charge and demand that my little teammates play their own darn position. That, or they could just get out of my way while I make every play. You know... if I were... you know... six... but could play like an adult.
    If I could just shrink myself, I am confident that my little six-year-old super-human body would get on base every time. Heck, I could bunt my way onto base every time if I wanted to.  Oh yeah, I forgot to say that in my stupid fantasy world, I can also run really fast with my tiny little six-year-old legs.
    And get this... Noah's team had some mom catching batting practice. If I were to get on, I would  steal every base on this lady. She would have no chance to throw me out. Even if she did snap off a good throw, none of these tiny little buggers could catch it. God gave us two hands so we don't drop throws! 
   And I also thought that if given the opportunity to time travel... but still play like an adult... I could pitch way better than this coach. It was as if he were trying to hit their bats with the ball. No six-year-old would be able to touch me. I mean no six-year-old could touch the six-year-old me. Man, I would be working the corners of the plate and snapping off breaking balls every now and again. How cool would it be if little Markie were to throw a curve ball that had all his little opponents jumping out of the batter's box like big old scaredy cats? I would be a tiny little six-year-old with a big old cannon for an arm.
    As I read this, I realize that it kind of makes me look a little silly. I mean, it is coach pitch, so even if I solved the time travel problem, I wouldn't be allowed to pitch anyway, and they don't even allow bunting or stealing. However, I would still be the best hitter in the league, so I would still have that going for me.
   Cheryl just read this and asked if I really wish that I were six years old again. The answer, of course, is no. But not for any reason that you might expect, like I love my life now or I wouldn't want to go through the awkward teen years again.
    No... the only reason I can think of is that with my super six-year-old baseball skills, playing with a bunch of bumbling little six-year-olds would drive me crazy.