Funny Guy Friday... Truth, Justice and the United Nations Way...

    I walked through the door last evening and found my wife sitting at the computer about to have a seizure. Have you seen this... have you seen this? I cannot believe this! 
    I had been on the phone most of my drive home and had not listened to the radio much, so I wondered, What did I miss? ----Did Congress raise the debt ceiling and declare the company credit card has no limits? ----Did we declare war, I mean, did we declare another kinetic military action against another Middle East country? ----Did the Redskins trade away all their draft picks for Joe Montana? (I've seen the shoe commercials regarding his "comeback.")
    No, none of that.
    No. Cheryl was disgusted because Superman has renounced his American citizenship! That's right, the Man of Steel has decided that he's "bigger than America," and will now work for the United Nations. Yeah... good luck battling tyranny and evil there.
    First of all, it is a cartoon, so relax. Let's not get carried away.
    Secondly, nobody pays attention to that stuff anyway ----except me!
    I say good riddance. The fact of the matter is that he never was a United States citizen anyway. He was an illegal alien in the truest sense of the word. He dropped in on us from the planet Krypton, for goodness sakes. We know this because in a recent episode, Donald Trump forced him to reveal his birth certificate.
    And have you watched any of the new cartoons? Superman is just one of several super heroes in the Justice League. He doesn't even have his own show anymore. Seriously, does a guy who is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound really need a posse?
    I haven't even mentioned the fact that he can fly, has super strength, and has every type of super vision imaginable. Shouldn't Comrade Superman be able to kick butt without all these other hangers on.
    He isn't even the best superhero in the group.
    Batman is regularly pulling his sorry super butt out of the fire. Batman, by the way, is not really a superhero at all, he is just a cool rich guy. A real American, who took advantage of the great capitalist system in which we live. He cannot fly, has no super speed, normal human strength, and if truth be told, he probably wears reading glasses.
    He just uses all of his hard-earned cash to make incredibly cool gadgets. Is anything cooler than a good ol' American-made muscle car, a.k.a the batmobile. And how great is it that he has a butler that helps him misdirect all the hot chicks that are after millionare Bruce Wayne?
    And what's up with Superman's alter ego?... Does anybody even read a newspaper anymore? Of course not, but there is Monsiour Clark Kent, reporting for duty every day at the Daily Planet. I mean, I think that Clark Kent is really Superman----it is soooo hard to tell with that great disguise of his. You know the dark-rimmed glasses and the uh, er, the umh, well, the uh, dark-rimmed glasses.
    Have you ever wondered how good the investigative reporters are at that rag, if they can't even figure out that their co-worker in the dark-rimmed glasses with the body of Adonis, is, in fact, Superman. I mean, Lois Lane has had to have seen him without the glasses a time or two, don't you think?
    Senor Superman's main nemesis is Lex Luther, another regular mortal with regular human traits. If Superman were really all that super, shouldn't he have been able put this guy out of our misery by now?
    Of course, he hasn't because he is soft on crime. He believes we can rehabilitate the wretch. We can't---he is a criminal mastermind set out to control the world.
    Wonder Woman is tougher on criminals.
    Which brings me to one particular disturbing episode where Wonder Woman and Superman were tricked into thinking that the other was a monster, and they ended up fighting each other. It was a stand off! Can you imagine a stand off with a girl?---sure an Amazonian girl, but a girl all the same. Perhaps Fraulein Superman would be more appropriate.
    Anyway, from here on out, Chairman Supermao is no longer my favorite superhero. From here on out, I will pledge my allegience to Captain America.
    What's that? He, too, abandoned America, and actually changed his name to Nomad for four episodes before changing it back? It appears this sissy superhero discovered that he could, in fact, support Americans without supporting all of America's policies. Too late. He's out.
    Okay, I will reconsider my position on a girl superhero and go with Wonder Woman as my favorite. What's that? She recently changed her costume in order to remove the stars so as not to look too much like the American flag? She's out----although the costume is still quite fetching, so I have not elected to abandon her altogether.
    I know... the Incredible Hulk. No, I will not go green! Unfortunately, this also excludes the Green Hornet and the Green Lantern.
    Wow, where does that leave me?
    I heard the movie Thor was coming out soon. Perhaps I should go with the blonde Nordic god. Forget about it, he is probably from Sweden, and if anybody ends up working with the U.N., it would be the blonde guy from Sweden.
    I know, I know... I will put my faith in my fellow man. Perhaps an athlete, or a politician or an actor. Good fellows who are immune from their own personal Kryptonite. What are the chances that they will wind up letting me down?
    On second thought, maybe it would be better if I, too, just stopped paying attention.