Funny Guy Friday… Friday night lights...

    Every year, the Friday after Thanksgiving is the day that I begin to put up my outdoor Christmas lights.
    This year was no different.
    Each year, my wife and kids tell me that they don't care how I do the lights. Do whatever you want, they say. Of course, when I tell them what I am going to do, they tell me why my idea is a bad one. Sort of like when you ask someone where they want to go and eat and they say they don't care. Then they proceed to shoot down every restaurant idea that you suggest.
    This year, I decided to change things up a bit, and I put Noah in charge of our outdoor illumination. Whatever he wanted, we would do. 
    Noah wanted color, and he wanted lots of color.
    No problem. Over the years, I have accumulated a smorgasbord of lights. I have white strands, red strands, and green strands.
    I even have purple strands.
    That was the year everyone thought we were big Ravens fans. My wife got tired of explaining to our heathen neighbors that the purple had to do with the Advent season and not the football season. Although, now that the Redskins have RG3, burgundy and gold would be sweet for next year!
    As I got the lights out of the attic to test them, Cheryl put on the old Christmas family favorite, Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Two minutes into the show, Cheryl was asleep and Grace and Matthew had their noses in the iPads. This left just Noah and me, and this was pretty much how it went all weekend.
    It used to be that Matthew was always by my side, Noah was always with Cheryl, and Grace was in her bedroom skyping her cousin.
    I used to say that if Cheryl and I ever got a divorce, Matthew would live with me, Noah would live with Cheryl, and Grace would go to a friend's house. Not so much anymore. In the immortal words of Sally Field: Noah likes me, he really really likes me. After the divorce, I suppose that we will have to flip a coin for Noah.
    As I tested the lights, I quickly learned that many of them were not working. I know there is a simple explanation, but I just don't get the electrical design that allows one bad light to burn out an entire strand... or better yet, when half the strand works and the other half is out.
    Frustrated, I decided to get rid of all my old lights and buy all new lights. In the morning, Noah and I were headed to Home Depot. Noah was excited because this meant we were going to buy new colored lights. Cheryl was nervous because it meant that I was going to buy new colored lights. Cheryl knows that I love Christmas lights.
    I assured her that I would be frugal and that I would not waste any money on unnecessary Christmas decorations. I reassured her that Noah would be with me the whole time.
    Cheryl was not impressed with my choice of chaperones. She reminded me that I was a responsible adult and emphasized that under no circumstance could we have a blow up Santa Claus in our front yard. I never intended to buy a blow up Santa Claus… a blow up Snoopy Christmas Dog House maybe, but not a Santa Claus.
    Noah and I headed out on our mission bright and early. Of course, we had to get breakfast first. Then we had to buy him some new basketball shoes. Eventually, we made it to the Home Depot.
    Ooooh, the lights!!! Ooooh, the pretty lights!!!
    We took a quick inventory. There were many options and we only had one shot at this. If we got home and had made a mistake, Cheryl would go back with us and make us return everything and start all over again… with her at our side.
    I could tell that Noah was nervous, but I assured him that I out-rank Mom. He was not convinced. I reminded him that if it ever came down to a fist fight, I would win. He felt better about that.
    The shopping spree was on. We carefully chose several boxes of multi-colored mini LED lights for the bushes, medium sized LED lights for the trees, and large LED lights for the gutters. We also got more multi-colored and white mini lights for our Christmas tree. Lots of lights.
   You know, the nice thing about when we had pre-school kids was that they couldn't count. Noah is getting older and not only can he count, he can add. He was nervously staring at the cart full of lights, and he had a worried look on his face. Dad, we are spending over $200 on lights. 
   Like the Grinch, I thought up a lie and I thought it up quick. Don't worry Noah, as I patted his head. Mommy gave us a $300 budget, so we are not even close to spending all of our money. 
   Then we turned to leave... and that's when we saw it.
   The whole store went dark, and a light shined on this six and a half foot three-wreath structure that would look perfect right by our front door. It had lights! It was beautiful! I loved it. Noah loved it. Cheryl will love it.....I think.
   But, dad, it is $100. This will put us over our budget thing. 
   No, I think it is on sale, for only $89. We are good! Let's get it in the cart. Now remember, we don't have to tell Mom about the cost of things. The important thing is that we bought all these things and we stayed under our budget. 
   We had spent the entire morning bonding, not like father to son, but like man to man. I was confident that what happened at Home Depot would stay at Home Depot. As we pulled up in our driveway, I reminded Noah of our unspoken deal (to be honest, I may have spoken it a time or two) as he headed in the house. I stopped to grab the bags of lights. I entered the kitchen and was confronted by Cheryl as Noah dashed past me.
    You spent $300 on lights?
   What, what are you talking about? No... Of course not... No, no we did not… We got a big light up wreath thingy too… It lit up… I think you will like it… I got it for you! Noah, can I talk to you?
    Unbelievable. He caved in less than three seconds. After all we did together, he caved at the first sight of his mother. Worse, she did not like our wreath thing. We had to take it back.
    So Noah and I headed back to the Home Depot. After we made the return, we did go back to the Christmas section and found some three foot tall nutcrackers for only $40 each.
    Hey, Noah do you know what 89 minus 80 is? 
    Nine.
    If we buy two of these, we will save $9. What do you think? ...By the way, Mom will not understand the whole math thing, so let's just keep that to ourselves, okay!
    The nutcrackers look awesome guarding our front door.
    Great job, Noah.