Funny Guy Friday... Unjust election results...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     Every week, for the past two and a half years, I have faithfully sat at our computer and composed a weekly essay about the funny things that occur in our household. I have been able to find humor in the middle of a hurricane... when I shot my son in the rear... in spite of a friend's cancer... and despite injuries to my kids and me. Heck, I even managed to find humor in the weeks that my father was passing away (here, here, here, and here).
     This past week, however, was humorless for me, and my Cal Ripken-like streak nearly came to an end. Nothing funny happened this past week. In fact, a lot of depressing things happened.
     As you may have guessed, I am a bit frosty about this past week's election results. There is no way that the right person won, and the voters clearly got it wrong. Way wrong!
     There had to be some sort of voter fraud. I would like to think that the press would vow to review every vote until they uncovered the plot. They won't, of course, because they are happy with the results. Heaven help us if the roles were reversed.
     I know for sure that at least one voter has admitted that he was promised certain "benefits" if he voted for the eventual winner. Another Republican voter advised that she could not work the electronic machines... and nobody would help her. Finally, I know as a matter of fact, that a relatively large number of voters cast their ballot after the polls had closed. None of them voted for the right candidate, so, of course, their votes still counted. If I know about these incidents of voter fraud, there have to be others.
     Why have rules if they are only going to be ignored? It is just wrong, and the citizens deserve better.
     Of course, I am talking about Captain America winning last week's Great Pumpkin Carving Contest.
     What did you think I was referring to? The Presidential election? I mean, I think we got that wrong too, but who cares about that?
     The way I see that election, we voted for what we already have... broken promises, continued gridlock, increased debt, high unemployment, a confusing foreign policy, and an ever-expanding government that promotes policies that reduce our personal rights and religious freedoms. I have seen this movie before; there is nothing new here. Just the same old, same old!
     The really bad news involved the family Pumpkin Carving contest.
     Captain America won first place. There was a tie for second between the Pandering Palumbo Pumpkin and the Cougar. The bronze went to a tie between the Terps Pumpkin and the Vomiting Hungover Pumpkin.
     I will admit that I cast my vote for the Captain America pumpkin, but that was only because I was prohibited from voting for my own creations.
    I don't understand the results. I ran a great campaign, and my pumpkins drew huge crowds at every appearance. My opponents, on the other hand, drew crickets. I ran internal polls and I won every one. My ads were positive, while my opponents resorted to name calling and personal attacks. They had no chance to win on the merits of their pumpkins, so they made the election about small things. They rallied their fanatical base, but how could such a negative campaign be appealing to the masses?
     I was left to second-guess some of my decisions.
     Perhaps I made a tactical error by carving both Frankenstein and his Bride. It may have been the Ross Perot-third party effect where one of my pumpkins took votes away from my other pumpkin. But I was sure that I was going to pull down a gold AND A SILVER. I did not even crack the top three. This was unthinkable.
     Perhaps I should have gone negative and attacked Captain America's continued lies. You know... that whopper he told time and time again about the rise of the Red Skull being related to a You Tube video. It turns out that more people knew about Frankenstein's treatment of his dog than knew about this Skull issue. By the way, Frankie and his wife both transported the dog on top of his vehicle AND ate the dog!
     Perhaps I should have been less successful in my previous private-sector pumpkin carving business. I think that the voters were jealous of my achievements. Who would have thought that success would be a negative?
     Oh well, I have come up with a way to get through this difficult time. I have decided to turn it all off. No news, no facebook, no radio talk shows, and no political discussions. I am done with it all. I have made the decision to avoid anything that may annoy me. Whatever happens... happens. My conscience is clear!
     I guess time will tell if I will be able to implement this strategy for the next four years... er... uh... I mean... until next Halloween.