Funny Guy Friday... Mom... can we pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease get a dog?!

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     There is a chink in her armor.
     She is beginning to crack.
     The kids and I are one step away from imposing our will on Cheryl. The only thing left to do is to name the new pooch. But she is not quite there... yet!
     For the past few weeks the kids have done a full court press in an effort to convince Cheryl to get a puppy. For years, Cheryl's response has been a resounding NO! And I capitalize NO because that is the way she says it. She can be very loud with her NOs!
     Cheryl was not always anti-dog. In fact, when we were first married, I was already the proud owner of a beautiful Golden Retriever named Justice. Justice was the... best... dog... ever!
     Pre-Cheryl... back when Justice and I lived alone in my/our cool bachelor/puppy pad,,,, Justice was obedient: he would stay in the fenceless yard in one spot until I told him he could move. He was smart: he was able to open the French doors with his nose whenever I locked myself out of the house. He was gentle: he would lie next to my infant nieces and nephews with one paw on their blankets. He and I were best buddies.
     Then Cheryl came along and changed everything. It wasn't that Cheryl did not like Justice; in fact, she did. The problem was that Justice did not like Cheryl. And he certainly did not see the need to listen to her.
     This put me in a very difficult position, and I must admit, I was torn. I mean, I liked them both, but I had spent more time with Justice, so I kind of felt that Cheryl should have made some adjustments when she moved in with us. On the other hand, Justice was a dog. Still, Cheryl was new to the house.
     Whenever Cheryl would call Justice, he would just look at her, ignore her, and then lie down. Then Cheryl would call me over to call him, and he, of course, responded immediately. This is not unlike my children.
     When I was not home, Cheryl would try to fake him out. She would call my name and ask that I come get Justice. This worked for awhile but ultimately, he caught on. Then she took the ruse a step further and she would go and open and close the front door and shout out a fake Hello Mark, can you come get Justice. This worked for a while, but ultimately, he figured it out. Then he was back to looking at her, ignoring her and plopping down.
     I must admit, I admired that move because there were plenty of times when she was ordering me around and I just wanted to look at her, ignore her, and then plop down.
     Anyway, the two of them ultimately worked out their differences and they became good pals. In fact, we got a second Golden Retriever, but two dogs proved to be not twice the work but more like ten times the work.
     Our second dog was named Quincy and he was one of Justice's puppies. That's right, Justice was obedient, smart, gentle... and a stud. Actually, the stud story was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. I got a call from a Judge who had a female Golden and he wanted to get our dogs together. No problem, I can drop off Justice anytime, just say the word.
     Not so fast Mr. Pimp, the Judge admonished. The two dogs need to get to know one another and go on a few doggie dates.  Really, because I always assumed that dogs just kind of encountered one another behind the dumpster and let nature take its course.
     We took Justice to the Judge's house two or three times before the big day. On the way over, I told Cheryl that this was a drop and run operation. I did not need to be a witness for this event in my dog's life.
     As we arrived, the Judge asked Cheryl if she would like to tour the property while his wife and I got the dogs prepared. Prepared how? I knew the for what part, but what did they want me to do to "get him prepared"?  We had rehearsed our exit strategy, so you can imagine my shock and horror when Cheryl hopped out of the car and said sure, no problem.
     No problem?... Oh I see a big problem!
     When Cheryl and the Judge returned from their walk, there had been little action. I can't say I blame the two dogs because there was an audience. Who cold perform under those circumstances. Then the Judge said the words that still ring in my ears to this day:  Mark, why don't you get in there with them? Seriously? In the pen? With the two lovebirds? That is exactly what he meant.
     As I stood there, I found myself patting Justice on the head and assuring him that he was a good  boy. I felt sorry for him and knew that he wanted me out of that pen as much as I wanted me out of that pen. We left him overnight and things must have gone well because they had twelve puppies.
     STUD indeed!
     About ten years ago, after Justice and Quincy died, Cheryl swore off getting any more dogs.
   Cheryl held fast on her no dog stance... up until about six weeks ago when friends of ours purchased a Cockatoo or something like that. It is a dog, not a bird.
     Actually, Grace advises that it is a Cavapoo... a mix between a King Charles Cavalier and a Miniature Poodle. He is a little guy and perhaps the best thing about him is that he takes little poops (that was Noah's joke). Oh, and he is a girl named Maui.
     Anyway, Maui is cute as a button and Cheryl's heart is beginning to melt.
     I must admit, this is not my first choice in dogs. I don't want a dog that you can pick up and use as a dust rag. I want a real dog, about 80 pounds. A gentle giant whose bark sounds like he would eat you rather than lick you to death. I want a dog just like Justice.
     The problem is that if I were to get a dog just like Justice, I would have to get rid of the wife who is just like Cheryl. In fact, she is exactly like Cheryl... and I am not quite there... yet!