Funny Guy Friday... I hate Duke...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my Maryland Terrapin-loving husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     I am writing this on Monday night after the National Championship game and I want to disclose something right from the get go... I hate Duke.
     Now that that is out of the way, let me explain my dilemma.
     With Duke's win, I am now the Bowie High School Class of 1981 college basketball pool winner. I have no idea what the first place prize is... there was no entry fee so I can only assume that the only prize is that I am now considered the greatest student ever to graduate from Bowie High... at least for a year!
     Being admired and revered by my classmates is kind of cool, even if there is no great financial gain.
     But with any great reward and honor, it comes with a price.
     Duke won... and I hate Duke!
     So this was sort of like Sophie's Choice for me. Do I root for a Duke win and claim my throne as the King of the Class of '81?... or do I go with... fill in the blank with any other NCAA basketball team... in this case Wisconsin.
     The answer was simple...  I go with Wisconsin because... I hate Duke! Let some other classmate be King for a year!
     It wasn't always this way.
     In 1986, when Coach K led Duke to a national championship runner-up finish, I was all in for the upstart Blue Devils... plus they were in the ACC with my Maryland Terps. If the Terps weren't going to win, go with the other ACC teams.
     As for Coach K, what was not to like... he went to West Point, he paid his dues under guys like Bobby Knight, he took over a floundering basketball program for a university that could not even pronounce his name correctly. He struggled for a couple years, and then he began to win with what seemed to be some great kids.
     But then he continued to win... and that became annoying. And his nice kids became obnoxious McDonald's All-Americans. They became easy to hate.
     Add that to the fact that I went to the University of Maryland and I was a lifelong Terrapin fan.
     As Maryland became a basketball rival... a rivalry that has always been denied by Coach K... my hatred increased. It hit fever-pitch when the Terps were competing with... and beating... Duke. Coach K whined and cried about the Maryland fans... say this next line in your most nasally whiney voice... They threw things at my players and yelled vulgar things! 
     I will concede that nobody should throw anything at opposing players, but to be fair, they were throwing balled-up copies of the Diamondback... that is the college newspaper for those of you that could not get accepted to the University of Maryland.
     The students threw them in the direction of the opposing team at every home game right after the starting line-ups were announced... yet only one coach complained! And the complaints only surfaced after Gary Williams and the boys starting kicking the Blue Devil's rear ends.
     Funny how the White Rat... my affectionate little nick name for Coach K... was only offended when the Terps were competitive. Apparently, paper only hurts when you lose.
     And, of course the Duke fans are nothing but class... what with stripping down to your speedo while other teams shoot free throws. Boy, are they clever!
     The hatred grew stronger when Maryland left the ACC to join the Big 10.  The rivalry that was  denied now became a rallying cry for Coach K. Again use your whiney voice... They must not have thought of it as a rivalry or they would have never left the ACC! 
     As if anyone who decides to leave a conference where you can compete with my Blue Devils once or twice a year is crazy.
     Of course, if Duke had a football program, it may have also considered leaving the ACC.  
     What's that?... Duke has a football program?... Who knew?
     Look, I am not bitter or anything, but when I was filling out my brackets, I was struck by the fact that Duke was put in a region with fifteen teams that were all seeded 15th... or lower. Their toughest opponent was an over-rated Gonzaga team. The NCAA paved their way to the final four with also-rans and underachievers (see Gonzaga).
      During the National Championship game, we all had to listen to how brilliant Coach K is when he... get this... sat two players who were in foul trouble! He actually had two of his better players sit on the bench so they would not pick up another foul.
      Wow! Why hasn't every other coach figured this out? I mean, Coach K solved the Rubik's cube of basketball. Think about this... if he had left those players in the game and they had picked up a third foul, that would have severely limited their playing time in the second half.
      To quote Bill Rafferty, He massaged the last four minutes of the half!
      I think Rafferty wanted to give Coach K a massage! And I do believe that Rafferty wanted to end the massage Withhhh a Kisssss! 
      I feel this is an opportune time to explain something to those of you that have not watched Duke over the years.  Lean in close because I am going to let you in on a little secret...
     It is highly unlikely that any NCAA referee would actually call three fouls in a half against any Duke player, much less the two best Duke players. They were safe. They could have pillaged and plundered and still not have picked up a third foul in that first half. 
       Now, the Duke supporters... hereinafter referred to as Duke athletic supporters... will be quick to point out that Wisconsin only had two team fouls in the first half... a point that Coach K addressed in his halftime interview.
     Guess what... he mentioned it and the refs took care of it.
     The second half produced the normal Duke disproportionate foul differential. Wisconsin got into the double bonus and and Duke never got into the single bonus. Just for good measure, with the game tied, the refs missed a Duke player stepping out of bounds right before a Duke basket, and they later ignored a replay that clearly showed a ball going out of bounds off of a Duke player's finger.
     I mean, even the most ardent Duke athletic supporter would admit that the out of bounds play was right there... in slow motion replay. They were looking right at it. All of America saw it except the three referees.
     On a side note... I think it may have been the same officiating crew that had the Maryland-West Virginia game when Melo Trimble nearly got beheaded by a moving pick. That crew also checked the replay for a flagrant foul... but did nothing (technically, the correct replay call because they somehow missed the initial foul that occurred right in the middle of the court).
     Let me be clear... I am not bitter.
     Okay, maybe I am a little bitter!
     I am not sure what has changed about Duke and Coach K... except for the winning part.
     Wow, is that why I hate Duke, because they always win?
     Nah, that is not it... I mean... I am not going to hate Maryland when the Terps win next year's National Championship and become a perennial powerhouse.
     You know, now that I think about it, I am glad Duke won because now as the King of the Class of 1981, I can decree 2016 as the Year of the Terrapin!
      FEAR THE TURTLE!
      So it is written, so it shall be!