Funny Guy Friday... Marriage retreat time...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     It happens every year... like the birds flying south or the salmon swimming upstream.  I call Cheryl to see what we have planned for the weekend and she advises that we are going to the annual church marriage retreat.
     Wait a second, you never told me we were going to that.
     I did so... I told you it was this Saturday.
     Yes, you did mention that there was a retreat, but I never agreed to go.  I have baseball practice.
     So. Get your other coaches to run it. 
     No, I want to run it. Can we discuss this when I get home. 
     Cheryl did not even humor me with some faint hearted agreement to hear my plans for the weekend.  She gave no quarter and hammered her point home...       
     We are going... I ordered you a chicken salad sandwich for lunch. We have to go.
     Apparently, the ordering of the chicken salad sandwich signifies that all plans are final and the discussion is over.
     The retreat started with morning Mass and then we met for talks with Father Wilson, a visiting priest from South Maryland. We both love Father Wilson, and Cheryl often mentions that if everyone went to him for marriage prep, or counseling, there would be many many more happy marriages.
     During his first talk, Father Wilson discussed how, since he is married to the Church, he has the benefit of having a perfect spouse. This was good for Cheryl to hear because... she does, too. I immediately thought that she could pick up some pointers on how Father Wilson handles his relationship... and apply those lessons to our marriage.
     In the course of the discussion, he asked what was the first thing that Eve did after she took a bite of the apple? The answer: She got Adam to take a bite. He asked, "Why would she do that?"
     The answer was obvious, so I volunteered: Because this is what women do! They drag their men down! 
     I was partially correct. She did kind of want to drag him down. Father Wilson advised that Eve wanted Adam to share in her disobedience. This made laugh... not because Eve dragged Adam down. No, it made me laugh because it reminded me of something that happened when I was a young lad.
     My parents had just purchased three spankin' new wooden bar stools for our kitchen. As I was sitting in one of them for the first time, I suddenly found myself with a pin in my hand. I felt the need to mark my territory, so I carved my initials into the seat of the stool.
     Although my initials looked good, it occurred to me that my mother may not care for fact that I defaced her new furniture. So I thought quick and I came up with a plan. A perfect plan. I took my pin and moved to the second chair, carving my brother Jeff's initials into the seat of that chair, then doing the same to the third chair, carving my brother Paul's initials into that one.
     There... problem solved! I had pulled off the prefect crime.
     You see... I, like Eve, wanted someone to share in my disobedience. It did not really work out all that well for me, as I immediately confessed to the perfect crime and was subsequently punished.  Come to think of it, biting that apple did not work out all that well for Eve either.
     Father Wilson went on to explain that in every disagreement between couples, there does not always need to be a winner and a loser. Technically, he is wrong, but you can see his point. You can't just have some disagreement and let it go unresolved. For example, you can't just have some husband thinking that he is going to be coaching baseball all weekend and the other spouse thinking that they are both going on some silly retreat. There has to be a winner, and there has to be a loser.
     Father made it clear that sometimes, one spouse (Cheryl) should see that the battle is not necessary and occasionally, that spouse (Cheryl) can give in to her husband (me).
     At least that is what I heard.
     At lunch, we had a romantic picnic together on the church grounds. It was just like when we were dating, except we took a few moments to discuss some of the things that we don't like about each other. That sounds kind of harsh, but fortunately neither of us had a really long list. Mostly small grievances that are easily resolved.
     By the way, could you imagine discussing the things that you don't like about each other on your third date. Not too many fourth dates after that conversation.
     Anyway, it turns out that Cheryl and I have a pretty healthy marriage. I would like to say that the whole retreat was analogous to a healthy person going to the doctor. I mean it did not hurt to go, but it wasn't really necessary. I would like to say that... but I'd be wrong.
     It is totally necessary.
     It is totally necessary to spend time with each other... just each other. And it's nice to be with other couples, to see what they do to make their marriages stronger.
     And it is necessary to be reminded that we have an obligation to our spouse to ensure that we help the other make it into Heaven.
      I am totally committed to getting Cheryl into Heaven. In the process, if I have to win a few arguments... than by golly, I am the man for the job!
      By the way, I do have to concede one thing to Cheryl ... the chicken salad rocked!