Cheryl has given me, her husband, an opportunity to post on her blog once a week. She has decided to call it Funny Guy Friday... but, hey, no pressure or anything... Thanks a lot, honey.
So... I was originally going to write about how my wife came to her decision to start a blog. My thought was that she got the idea from our friend Sam, who has a funny blog with stories about her twelve kids. I thought that, although we only have three kids, I am sure that our three kids are at least four times as goofy as her twelve... so their goofiness will make up for our deficiency of numbers.
I thought it would be cool to have Cheryl share our family’s funny stories. Imagine my shock and horror when I read her blog, and she decides to tackle a couple of non-controversial subjects like religion and politics. I am sure that the friends we lose will be replaced by new, more religious, more conservative friends.
So... I was originally going to write about how my wife came to her decision to start a blog. My thought was that she got the idea from our friend Sam, who has a funny blog with stories about her twelve kids. I thought that, although we only have three kids, I am sure that our three kids are at least four times as goofy as her twelve... so their goofiness will make up for our deficiency of numbers.
I thought it would be cool to have Cheryl share our family’s funny stories. Imagine my shock and horror when I read her blog, and she decides to tackle a couple of non-controversial subjects like religion and politics. I am sure that the friends we lose will be replaced by new, more religious, more conservative friends.
Well, now for the lighter side... well... sort of. Guess what happened around our house this week... These two related stories go in the What are the chances of that happening? category.
Story one... I coach my 10-year old son's baseball team. On my way to their practice last Saturday, I decided that since they are having problems fielding and throwing, I would grab my glove, and practice with them.
Having played baseball through college... and then coached baseball... and having been around baseball my entire life... I figured it would be good for the kids to see the proper way to move their hands and feet. What could possibly go wrong?
Having played baseball through college... and then coached baseball... and having been around baseball my entire life... I figured it would be good for the kids to see the proper way to move their hands and feet. What could possibly go wrong?
After fielding several balls hit directly at me, I got one hit to my left. This may be a good time to let you know that there once was a time in my life when my mind and my body were great friends. My mind would say, Lets go!... and my body would always respond with... Sure, no problem!
Nowadays, the two are not as close as they once were. Mind says, Lets go!... and body says... Sure, in a minute. It was this conversation that caused all the trouble, as I tried for the ball. As you may have guessed by now, I did not field it cleanly, merely knocking it to the ground.
For the life of me, I cannot figure out why my body decided, at that moment, to react quickly to my mind's command to pick up the ball, but it did. Right then, my team and I heard a very loud POP that came from my hand... as in, the bone in my hand.
I quickly turned to the kids and told them that this is what happens when you don’t field balls cleanly. Being the great coach that I am, I made them think that I broke my hand on purpose to teach them to field balls cleanly... just a teachable moment. Forty seven years old... and I have probably fielded thousands of ground balls... and now, for the first time in my life, I break a bone in my hand at a 10-year old practice. What are the odds? Well... much greater than the odds of what happened to our youngest son, the day before yesterday...
Story two... As I was playing backgammon on the computer, I heard our five year old screaming in our front yard. Based on previous experience, I assumed that his brother had refused to give him something that he wanted... or that his sister had him in a full nelson, trying to kiss him. This particular scream lasted a bit longer than his normal howling, so I started out. As I was going out, our 10-year old was heading in, and he was in tears yelling for me to come. When I saw his younger brother, I realized he had a legitimate reason to be screaming... he had the reddest "mouse" under his right eye... and it was starting to trickle blood.
My older son was a bit incoherent, but I could tell this injury was caused by something he had done. My first thought was that he had punched him (by the way... there was a bigger chance that Big Foot had tripped into the Loch Ness Monster, who then somehow poked him in the eye, than for the 10-year old to have punched him... but this was all happening very fast, so give me a break).
Once the dust had settled, I learned that my little guy was hit in the eye by a.......... watermelon rind. His brother had eaten a piece of watermelon, and was trying to throw it at a tree. He missed the tree, but hit his little brother square in the eye.
Now... how are these stories related, you ask? Isn't it ironic that my 10-year old plays on a team that has throwing problems... and when he throws a watermelon rind at a forty-foot tree, he misses the tree, but hits his three-foot brother in the eye. Like any good parent... I blame his coach.
I am not sure which kid I felt worse for. All of this gave rise to the following joke by the younger one... What is the biggest fruit? (answer: Watermelon)... Watermelon... My eye! Glad you didn't say Pineapple!
Nowadays, the two are not as close as they once were. Mind says, Lets go!... and body says... Sure, in a minute. It was this conversation that caused all the trouble, as I tried for the ball. As you may have guessed by now, I did not field it cleanly, merely knocking it to the ground.
For the life of me, I cannot figure out why my body decided, at that moment, to react quickly to my mind's command to pick up the ball, but it did. Right then, my team and I heard a very loud POP that came from my hand... as in, the bone in my hand.
I quickly turned to the kids and told them that this is what happens when you don’t field balls cleanly. Being the great coach that I am, I made them think that I broke my hand on purpose to teach them to field balls cleanly... just a teachable moment. Forty seven years old... and I have probably fielded thousands of ground balls... and now, for the first time in my life, I break a bone in my hand at a 10-year old practice. What are the odds? Well... much greater than the odds of what happened to our youngest son, the day before yesterday...
Story two... As I was playing backgammon on the computer, I heard our five year old screaming in our front yard. Based on previous experience, I assumed that his brother had refused to give him something that he wanted... or that his sister had him in a full nelson, trying to kiss him. This particular scream lasted a bit longer than his normal howling, so I started out. As I was going out, our 10-year old was heading in, and he was in tears yelling for me to come. When I saw his younger brother, I realized he had a legitimate reason to be screaming... he had the reddest "mouse" under his right eye... and it was starting to trickle blood.
My older son was a bit incoherent, but I could tell this injury was caused by something he had done. My first thought was that he had punched him (by the way... there was a bigger chance that Big Foot had tripped into the Loch Ness Monster, who then somehow poked him in the eye, than for the 10-year old to have punched him... but this was all happening very fast, so give me a break).
Once the dust had settled, I learned that my little guy was hit in the eye by a.......... watermelon rind. His brother had eaten a piece of watermelon, and was trying to throw it at a tree. He missed the tree, but hit his little brother square in the eye.
Now... how are these stories related, you ask? Isn't it ironic that my 10-year old plays on a team that has throwing problems... and when he throws a watermelon rind at a forty-foot tree, he misses the tree, but hits his three-foot brother in the eye. Like any good parent... I blame his coach.
I am not sure which kid I felt worse for. All of this gave rise to the following joke by the younger one... What is the biggest fruit? (answer: Watermelon)... Watermelon... My eye! Glad you didn't say Pineapple!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! What a funny guy!!!
ReplyDeleteThat was your daughter... : )
ReplyDeleteDear funny guy: We love your stories and were sitting on the edge of the couch just waiting to hear what happened to the little guy. Hope he's ok. How about we add Sassy Sis Sue's Saturday Surmise where I write about whatever is going on in my little world such as...well, we can't think of anything to top your two doozies...I mean, my husband has the eye/hand coordination thing down and it's not quite watermelon season yet here in the rainy northwest...but we'll keep our eyes open for flying rinds : ) Until next Saturday....Sue
ReplyDeleteDear Funny Guy (FG)-
ReplyDeleteAbout last Friday's entry FG, I have only a few comments for you: Stop picking on selfless beautiful talented Cheryl and with your good hand, pick up your ties from the floor and iron your own D*># shirts!
Anonymous (BTW- this is not Karen)