I was sitting in Court today when a woman in a hot pink outfit had her case called. As she approached the bench... in her best Jessica Rabbit walk... she was asked if she wanted an attorney. She held her hand out, looking at her fingernails admiringly, and told the judge that she could handle it herself... and then she turned and Jessica Rabbit-walked slowly back to her seat. As she turned, I read the writing on her way-too-tight shirt, that said, All this and brains too. I'm not so sure about that.
Having to go to Court can be a very daunting experience for a client, but if you go everyday, you will see and hear a lot of funny things. For instance...
... Once, a judge gave a suspended sentence to a man accused of hitting his girlfriend, and placed him on a year's probation. A condition of the probation was that he read a book about chivalry and write a report. His attorney immediately chimed in, "If he has to read a book and do a report... you better make the probation three years."
... The following conversation took place on more than one occasion, when I was a prosecutor... Me: "Ma'am how do you know the defendant that assaulted you?" Client: "I don't." Me: "Is there any relationship or anything between the two of you?" Client: "No." Me: "So, how is it that you were together, and he was assaulting you?" Client: "He is my baby's daddy." Huh?
... In a recent custody trial, an attorney asked his client how long she had been her mother's daughter.
... At a sentencing of a deaf man, the Judge was yelling at the man and insisting that the Defendant look at him when he was talking to him. The sign language interpreter advised that, "If he does that, he cannot hear you... that is why he is looking at me."
... A woman passed out in Court, one day, and an ambulance came. She ended up being wheeled out of the courtroom. As she passed me, I noticed that she had a very nice gray wool blanket wrapped around her. Later that day, when I went to leave the courtroom, I could not find my very nice gray wool coat... WITH MY CAR KEYS IN IT! Now that I think about it, this was not so funny.
... And finally... I went to court with my sister-in law for a speeding ticket... pro-bono... that's legalese for doing stuff for your wife's family and not getting paid. Anyway, we took our seats and the judge took the bench. A gentleman in an orange jumpsuit, with ankle shackles and handcuffs, was escorted by two Sheriffs out of the lock-up and into the courtroom. This prompted my ever-observant sister-in-law to ask, "Do you think that he is a criminal?" Hmm... do you think?
I finish with that last story in hopes that my sister-in-law will read it, recall our day together, and get a chuckle. She needs it. Today she and her husband are taking their youngest son to Hopkins for a consultation with a neuro-vascular specialist about an irregularity in one of the arteries in his brain. He is four years old.
He is a sweet little boy, who just goes about his business. For now, we will pray for him and his family, and ask everyone who reads this to do the same.
Besides my prayers, I will do whatever I can to help... that includes representation, pro-bono, in the event that she gets a speeding ticket while heading up to Baltimore.
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