Funny Guy Friday... Up and at'em...

     It is 5:30 a.m. on Tuesday, August 31, and I am the only person in the house awake. I am feeling tired and not so funny. Why am I up, you ask? School has started and in our second week, we have gotten into what I am afraid is our normal morning routine. I had such high hopes that this year would be different. My hopes have been dashed.
     For most kids, the first day of school approaches with several days of nervousness and excitement. The children meticulously prepare for days in advance, with some kids laying out clothes for the entire first week.
     On the other hand, the first day of school snuck up on us. We looked at the calendar the night before, thought, Holy crap... Grace starts school tomorrow! (crap is not such a bad word if you put holy in front of it).
     We dashed out to Kohls Dept. store and were actually there until 9 o'clock the night before she started her first day of getting up at 5:30 a.m. to go to her new high school. I only agreed to this shopping spree for two reasons... first, the boys did not start until a day later... and second, I knew that both Grace and her mother would be excited and would rally in the morning.
     Fortunately on Day 1, I was right. They got up, they got out and I got to sleep until the last possible second. After commenting that she had never seen 6 o'clock in the morning before, Cheryl declared that she will now "get up early in the morning and get some stuff done." This school year is going to be awesome.
     The next night we started getting the kids to bed early, around 9:15ish, which I have come to understand is only early to our family.  At about 9:17ish, we got our first complaint of stomach trouble. Matthew made the claim. You're not fooling me kid, you go to the bathroom, and then get back to bed. I was the King of the non-confirmable tummy ache when I was a kid... in fact, I still pull that trick out of my bag every once in a while to avoid a trip to the in-laws. (Just kidding, Grammy.) 
     The tummy ache (I refer to it as a tummy ache to show my complete disdain and disbelief, otherwise it would be the stomach flu) lasted all night with my son waking me every hour on the hour to keep me updated.
     For some reason, my kids feel the need to wake me up to let me know that they don't feel good, that they had a funny dream, had a nightmare, went to the bathroom, got a drink, lost their pillow, can't sleep, their pillow can't sleep because it had to go to the bathroom, whatever.
     For some other reason, they don't feel the same need to wake their mother and keep her in the nocturnal loop. I ended up sleeping with him in his twin bed, while Cheryl snuggled up on the King... the bed, not me!
     Day 2 had everyone up early. Some of us (me) never slept. I find it funny that after I stay up all night with some member of my family, they wake up in the morning saying they did not sleep at all. I find it funny because I am actually awake, not sleeping at all, and I see them sleeping and I hear them snoring... one of us is not telling the truth. But I digress.
     Tummy-ache-boy thought he should stay home. I convinced him otherwise. "Go, you will get there and feel better." He may have his mom fooled but not me. Off he went and I was the greatest dad in the world.
     At about noon that same day, Cheryl checked in on tummy-ache-boy at school, and there was a problem. See... one of two things happened... Either he got to school and some inconsiderate parent sent their sick kid to school and he/she infected my poor kid with a dreadful stomach flu... OR... He actually had the stomach flu the whole time. I am going with the inconsiderate parent... I hate inconsiderate parents. Unfortunately, he had it... and he had it bad!
     Day 3: Things continued to devolve in the morning. Grace's alarm went off and she got up after hitting the snooze a time or two. Cheryl did not get up but I woke her because I had been up all night getting sick updates from my son. I requested that she handle the morning duties while I tried to sleep for an hour. She eagerly complied.
   Days 4 and 5 were pretty much repeats of Day 3 except that I got up to make sure Grace was up and out of bed. Cheryl's wake up time was creeping further and further back but we made it to the weekend. Hooray!      
    Monday morning, Day 6, came and Grace's alarm blasted at 5:15. For some reason she has set her alarm at this ungodly hour so she can build in her four nine-minute snoozes. She also had the volume of her alarm set at sonic boom levels. The noise was so loud, it woke me in my room down the hall, but not loud enough to wake anybody else in the house.
     After her four snoozes, Grace was up and on her way. Cheryl woke just in time to give Grace a kiss goodbye, and then she was back to bed. It is amazing what that woman can accomplish in the morning when she gets up early.
     This morning began at 4:45, with Matthew having a bad dream. Seems some snake did something to somebody and blah blah blah. Whatever it is, he needed me to know about it.
     He crawled into bed with us and we all fell back asleep. The 5:15 train went off in Grace's room. It took her six days, but she finally found the perfect noise level for her alarm... one that only wakes me and nobody else, including her.
     As I ventured down the hallway, I banged my foot on the ironing board in our room, and I tripped over the new Kohl's clothes that were lying on her bedroom floor. I returned to my bed where Matthew was occupying the spot that I had just vacated... like water filling in the open space.
     As I write this, I find myself precariously perched on the very edge of my bed, typing with Matthew's foot in my rib. It appears that Grace is up now... and it looks as if Cheryl may get her head off of her pillow just in time to yell goodbye.
     Yep, we have settled into our normal routine.