Funny Guy Friday... Broken Hart-ed?...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     I come to you this Friday with a broken heart.
     Typically, I don't like to put all my business out there for public consumption... okay, occasionally, I put my stuff out there for public consumption... alright, I put my junk out there once a week... but this is different. This is a deception of epic proportions and it hurts.
     It hurts real bad!
     I thought I had a solid marriage. Built on trust and love and a mutual respect for one another. All that came to a screeching halt this week.
     Brace yourselves: I walked in on my wife and another man in our bedroom. And get this, Noah was there to witness the whole sordid affair.
     I was crushed.
     Last week, I wrote about my wife's desire for me to take up with a "twenty-something gal" in the event of her untimely demise.
     I have no such dying wish.
     In fact, when I die, my wish is that Cheryl would wear black every day for the rest of her dreadful life and never get remarried. To my great dismay, Cheryl is taking up with an eighty something geezer right under my very still-alive nose.
     Let me explain:  I had fallen asleep downstairs and had awakened in a fog. As I stumbled into our bedroom, I could not believe what I found. Cheryl was sitting up watching the old-time TV show Hart to Hart... with a starry-eyed look and a big ol' smile on her face. A look that I had not seen since our wedding day. Poor Noah was lying next to her, and I could tell he was quite confused. Cheryl commented:  Robert Wagner is so handsome and romantic! 
     Okay, you do know it is a TV show.
     He was so suave and debonair in It Takes a Thief, too! So cool... and attentive to the girls in the shows.
     It Takes a Thief? Another TV show... right? You know that... right? 
     Noah chimed in:  Mom is in love with Robert Wagner. He is like an old guy... like fifty! 
     At this point, I was not sure if I was more hurt by the love affair... or the fact that Noah thinks someone is an old guy at the age of fifty.
     I corrected Noah: He's not fifty... he is like a hundred!
     My comment upset Cheryl, who quickly pointed out that Wagner is currently a still very handsome eighty-four years old, and when he was starring in It Takes a Thief and Hart to Hart, he was thirty-eight and forty-eight, respectively. Apparently, Cheryl had done some stalking... er... uh... research!
     I bet he was like Jonathon Hart in real life. 
    Okay, I am standing right here... in front of you... and can hear you. The dude is a Hollywood star who was married three or four times. 
     Technically, perhaps that's true, but he married Natalie Wood twice. 
     Speaking of Natalie Wood, I seem to recall that she died under suspicious circumstances... and your boy was somehow suspected of foul play! Romantic, my rear end.
     RJ would never have done such a thing! 
     RJ? Did you just call him RJ?  
     That's his nickname.
     For friends and family. Not for you! You know the boys hear you, and they are going to think that that is a normal way for a wife to treat a husband... that it's okay to ogle other men. 
     Okay... full disclosure:  there may have been a teensy little time or two... in the past... waaay... in the past... when I may have complimented the beautiful bone structure of Jennifer Aniston or pointed out the wonderful qualities of Jessica Alba. And in the course of these observations, I may... maybe... may have mentioned that they looked a little "overheated"... hot... if you will.
     Cheryl always points out that the boys can hear me, and they will think that it's okay to talk about women in such a crude fashion. I love when I can throw some of Cheryl's previous admonitions right back at her.
     So it seems that Hart to Hart runs on two separate channels every night. I am going to have to compete with that home-wrecker every night... twice a night.
     But I am here to tell you that no matter what the circumstance may be, you have to make the best of it. Affair or no affair, I will take a negative and make it a positive. What do they say? Keep your friends close... and your enemies closer.
     So, I will watch with my wife... and I will enjoy every minute of it. To every cloud there is a silver lining. Ah yes... Stephanie Powers. As Max says, "Mrs. H? She's gorgeous! What a terrific lady!"
     You might even say she's overheated.