Funny Guy Friday... Cheryl's last wishes...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     What a great Saturday morning we had last week!
     Typically on Saturdays, I am up at 6:30... for no other reason than that I get up at 6:30 every day. Someone's got to take the dog for a walk.
     This past Saturday, I did not wake up until 10 o'clock.
     The reason was simple: the dog had been barking at 3:30 a.m, and, as is usually the case, I was the only one to hear him. Which raises the question: if a dog barks in the middle of the night, and I am the only one to hear it... did the dog really bark?
     Kind of funny how I have this superpower that nobody else in my family possesses.
     So there I was walking Rocky... in the freezing cold until 4:00 a.m. Of course, I was then wide awake and could not get back to sleep. Fortunately, we had nowhere to go on Saturday, so I was able to finally doze back off and sleep in a little.
      Noah was the first to come into our bedroom and took his usual spot, hopping in bed between Cheryl and me. Matthew sauntered in next and flopped at the bottom of the bed... and Gracie entered the room, took one look, turned around and headed downstairs to get herself a cup of coffee... probably knowing we were about to hang out for a bit. She rejoined us a few minutes later with her steaming mug... sat in a chair and propped her feet up on the bed.
     How great was this? We were talking and laughing and having a grand old time.
     But then it took a strange turn.
     Cheryl slowly sat up with a strange look on her face and announced that she had this weird headache... maybe a brain aneurysm... and that she felt like she was going to pass out. She quickly ordered a cold compress. She may have even shouted STAT! at the end of her command.
     This was all so sudden. Not really recognizing the desperation of her situation, I may have made some teeny weeny remark about how much worse she would be feeling had she had to walk the dog during the icy, wee hours of the morning.
     Like a savvy poker player, Cheryl quickly raised her brain aneurysm to a hemorrhage... and then went all in with imminent death.
     She was not kidding.
     You know how I know she wasn't kidding? She started giving each of the children her deathbed advice.
     Matthew, if I go today, please remember to live your life with integrity. Tell the truth... be a man that can be trusted. 
     Noah, please understand that sometimes things don't always work out exactly as you had hoped. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. You need to remember to adapt and make the best of every situation. 
     It was at about this time that Grace returned to the room with her second cup of coffee and asked what was going on.
     Mommy is dying and giving everyone her final admonitions, I told her. 
     That is right Gracie, you need to stick up for yourself and have confidence. You are beautiful and smart, and you need to understand that about yourself. 
     And with that, Cheryl was apparently done.
     Wait... What about me? I asked.
     Nothing for you. 
     C'mon... there has to be something for me. Oooh, I know... Marry young!
     There may be some confusion as to what happened next. But it was clear to me, Cheryl looked at me with loving eyes and repeated, Marry young. Then she added: Relax. Everything will be okay.
     I truly believe that Cheryl's dying wish for me is that when she is good and dead, I am to remarry a younger woman.
     Kids, you all heard her. She looked at me lovingly and said, "Marry young." Is mid 20's okay? I whispered softly into her ear. You know... the headache and all.  
     Cheryl whispered something back to me, but it made no sense... as if she really did not intend for me to re-marry young. Cheryl was knocking on death's door and was fading fast. Clearly, we could not rely on her recollection of the conversation.
     I turned to Matthew for clarity. Matthew chimed in.
     Dad, she did say "marry young," that's true... but she kind of raised her voice at the end as if she were confused and looked at you with squinty eyes as if she were asking you if that was the best you could do for a dying wish. Then she paused and gave you your real advice: "Relax and everything will be fine." Because you do kind of have intense reactions to things sometimes.
     Those were loving eyes. I have known her longer than you, and I know what eyes she was giving me. We can all agree that she used the words "marry" and "young" in the same sentence... one right after the other... and she was looking at me. Then the brain bleed thing kicked in and everything after that was kind of garbled. By God, I plan on granting her her last wish! You guys do what you want with your lives, but I am marrying young once she goes. 
     It was at this point that Cheryl uttered what I thought were to be her last words: I really need that cold compress. 
     Cold compresses are Cheryl's go-to cure for bad headaches. I lovingly got her a wet cloth and lovingly placed it on her forehead. As is custom, when the cloth warms, she swings it over her head as if lassoing a bull and then reapplies it, freshly chilled by the air, to her forehead.
     This cooling process is kind of ingenious if you think about it.
     This cooling-of-the-compress ritual gave me some pause because asking for and re-cooling that cold compress is not typical behavior of one dying from a brain hemorrhage. She was not going to die at all... and I had already rushed into marriage with some twenty-something. My mood quickly changed... she wasn't dying... she was going to live.
     Suddenly I became very concerned!
     I had to think of something quick. Somehow, I had to make it up to her.
     Look, baby! It's not as if I am going to bring her to the funeral or anything. You are the only one for me! 
     As you may have guessed, Cheryl survived.
     I know she survived because she has pointed out... on more than one occasion... that if I were to marry a twenty-something girl, that girl could be a classmate of my daughter's:
     Hey, when we moved Gracie back to school, did you happen to look around and see anybody suitable?
     Hmmm... that makes this post kind of Creepy Guy Friday.
     The truth is that if, heaven forbid, something were ever to happen to Cheryl, I would never get remarried. There are several reasons why, but the main reason is that I will never feel the same way about any other woman as I do about Cheryl.
     I fell in love with her the minute that I laid eyes on her. Well... not the seventh grade her... but the Cheryl I saw again all those years later. I knew on that day that we would be spending the rest of our lives together. We discussed marriage on our second date and got engaged after six weeks. We were married nine months later and have been blessed with a good life together and three great kids that bring us great joy.
     There has never been a day that I doubted my decision to ask her to marry me, and I look forward to every day with her in my life.
     The bottom line is... this will only happen once in my lifetime.  
     So despite my lovely wife's dying wish...  I shall remain single.