Funny Guy Friday… Hawaiian Vacation… What could possibly go wrong?...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     I see the Facebook posts every year. People go on these great vacations and visit some of the most exotic places and and do some of the coolest things. I envy those people. The weather is always perfect where these folks vacation, and great things always work out. They get some upgrade somehow... or they meet someone famous. You know the types.
     Whatever it is, it makes their vacations something that they will never forget.
     We usually go to Ocean City for vacation. Occasionally, Newport, Rhode Island or Myrtle Beach. And it usually rains... or worse: hurricanes hit on about our third day.
     If you are a regular reader, you know that we decided to do something special this year and take two weeks and head to Hawaii. We chose the Big Island, on the west side, where it never rains... and a good time is had by all. Guaranteed!
     Cheryl and I visited here twenty years ago, and we told the kids that when Noah turned five, we would make the trip once again.
      Noah is eleven. Better late than never.
      So, what could go wrong?
      Our flight was uneventful. Kind of cramped quarters but not horrible. I think our rental car was an upgrade… we got a four wheel drive vehicle instead of the minivan. But I may be wrong; I may have ordered a SUV.
     Either way, things were off to a good start.
     Then we turned on the radio and heard that wild fires were causing evacuations from certain communities on the island. Not good, but I was pretty certain that we were not near any of those communities. Then I heard something that was going to help put out those fires… rain… FROM HURRICANE HILDA!
     That's right boys and girls, a hurricane was due to hit the Big Island any day. In fact, they said that the Big Island was in its direct path. Big ole' target right on our condo.
     Hello Hawaii... the Palumbos have arrived. Batten down the hatches and prepare for evacuation. We are the Grim Reaper for any vacation destination!
     The locals kept telling us that they never get weather on the Kona side of the Island. Obviously, they are not aware of the Palumbo family vacation curse.
     Speaking of curses, I have warned the kids that if they find any ancient Hawaiian artifacts, they are to leave them alone. I saw the Brady Bunch Hawaii episode, and I am not taking any chances.
     Anyway, this is not the first time we have vacationed in the epicenter of a hurricane. Read about our brush with Hurricane Irene while in Newport. We are like that guy on the weather channel that goes to horrible weather locations... only he goes after the weather starts, and we go a day or two before the bad weather rolls in. They should put us on the Weather Channel payroll. When things get slow, they can end with us on a vacation.
     Having gone through this before with Cheryl, I knew she would poo poo the whole notion of a silly little thing like a hurricane ruining our vacation. This is the cross I bear... living with the eternal optimist. I get it, I get it… everything happens for a reason. I tell her that it is clear that the reason is to RUIN OUR VACATIONS!
     But if fires, death and destruction were not enough, on the first full day of the vacation, something even worse occurred… I developed a toothache. Not just your run of the mill toothache that hurts to the touch… no no... this hurt to the air. The whole right side of my jaw ached. Nothing helped and I was sure the tooth would have to be extracted. But I was not going to ruin day one, so we went to a beach. Kona has several small beaches. Not wide stretches of sand because there is an active volcano on the Island and there is lava rock everywhere, but beautiful nonetheless.
     These beaches are exquisite, with water as clear as a pool. Nothing was going to stand in our way on the first day, so we ventured out. This may have been a mistake... Day two brought new adventures in pain. The tooth was worse, and someone had poisoned my eye!
     That's right, I said it: someone had poisoned my eye.
     Not sure who, but nobody in the family was in the clear.
     I swear to you... there are five senses, and I lost two of them that day. My mouth and jaw hurt so much, I could not eat or taste anything, and even if I could have eaten and tasted, I was unable to keep my eyes open long enough to see what it was that I was putting in my mouth!
     At this point, I was praying that the wild fires would roar through our condo, and/or Hurricane Hilda would sweep me out to sea. That would have been a relief!
     In my lifetime, I have had my jaw broken, and I have had laser surgery on my eyes, but as God is my witness, I have never been more uncomfortable in my entire life.
     I was desperate, so I started calling local dentists. I also contacted my own dentist back home to see if he would consider either flying out to take care of the problem, or better yet, ship his gun out so Cheryl could put me out of my misery.
     He diagnosed the problem. He believes I need a root canal. I decided I am not having a root canal in Hawaii. He prescribed an antibiotic but could not prescribe a pain killer over the phone. Evidently, pharmacists require a hand-held written prescription for those little wonders. That was okay because at this point, I had been to several pharmacies and had bought up every legal painkiller on the island anyway.
     Now, the eye has healed. Turns out, I may have been overly aggressive with the sunscreen and infected my own eye. I have since apologized to my family for accusing them of such a dastardly feat and being premature in my accusations.  They understood, given the tooth situation.
     Speaking of the tooth pain, it has become manageable... Much like Hilda, that veered off to the south and thus has had little effect on the weather, the pain finally abated.
     I would like to give a shout out to the best dentist in the entire continental… nay… now I can make that the entire United States… I am sure there are no good dentists in Alaska… Give it up for Dr. Frank Bianca! Talked me off the ledge from five thousand miles away and got the job done!
     Since the healing began, it has been one adventure after another, and the vacation has been a complete success. Each day has been better than the last. Today we swam with wild dolphins. Right next to them. Hundreds of them. We have seen things that will make your jaw drop… assuming you don't need a root canal.
     These little bays we visit are surrounded by rocks and cliffs like a scene out of a movie. I swear to you that if a pterodactyl came flying overhead followed by a Tyrannosaurus Rex coming out of the lush greenery in some of these places, I would not be surprised in the least. There is still more to come: a visit to a green sand beach and soft white sand beaches and even waterfalls.
     We are even set to hike out to an active volcano in a couple of days. You know, now that I think about the Palumbo vacation curse, this may not be the greatest idea in the world.
     Oh well, what could possible go wrong?