Funny Guy Friday... The king has spoken...

     Funny Guy Friday is written each week by my husband Mark. So, I married a funny guy...
     So if you have been a regular reader of FGF, you know that laundry has been at the center of nearly every disagreement that Cheryl and I have had. Sure, it may start with some stupid comment that I make about homeschooling or the kids or plans to spend yet another evening with her family, but it quickly degenerates to my declaring that I don't have any clean underwear and it is a direct reflection on you! 
      Not sure how that happens but it does... last week was no different when I was forced to GASP!... wear my son's underwear. It was, of course, a direct reflection of my wife's refusal to provide regularly washed undergarments. I will neither confirm nor deny that I may, or may not have, mentioned this in the heat of battle.
      Admittedly, kind of a rough comment but it bore results. Although at the time she may or may not have mentioned what I could do with my direct reflections.
      The next day, Cheryl lit into the laundry like a windmill in a tornado. She got all of the dirty clothes into the wash and all of the clean clothes out of the laundry room.  Then the next day, we had our once every three months housekeeper show up on the scene and our home was fit for a King!
      I mention Kings because once I arrived home, I made a proclamation fit for a monarch. This new-found cleanliness was here to stay!
      From this day forward, there will be no clothes left on the floors of the bathroom, the bedrooms or the hallway. All dirty clothes shall be placed in hampers and once the hamper is full, the clothes will be transported down to the laundry room.  All clean clothes will be transported to your bedrooms and immediately placed in the appropriate drawer. 
      I was on a roll so I branched out on my declaration to include another of my pet peeves.
      And this does not mean that we can stack everything on the stairs for a later time when we eventually make it up the steps. Nothing shall be stored on the steps. Besides this being a cleanliness issue, it is a health issue... I am going to trip and kill myself one day coming down the steps in the middle of the night and you are all going to be sorry. 
      There had to be consequences for any violations of the newly instituted law, so I continued...
      Any clothes found on the floor or any time found on the stairwell, shall be thrown away, never to be heard from again. 
     So it is stated... So it shall be!!!
      I was awesome... I was clear... I was authoritative... Yet, I was kind, The only thing missing was two guys dressed like fancy court jesters blowing horns on either side of me.
      I was truly a benevolent dictator!
     Everyone was present during my presentation so there was no getting around the rules. There would be no pleading of ignorance. I knew that my loyal subjects were well aware that a kingdom without rules will give rise to anarchy.
     The citizens were happy and content and all was good in the kingdom... For about 12 hours.
     I was shocked and dismayed to find underwear on the bathroom floor when I went to take my shower... THE VERY NEXT MORNING!
     My investigation revealed that Matthew was the perp but he had already left for school... he was not there to incur my wrath. But someone had to hear about this insolent behavior. Cheryl was the closest.
     How can he do this the morning after I told everyone what was going to happen?
     What did he do?
     He left his underwear on the bathroom floor!
     So what.
     So what? Did you not hear my grandiose announcement last night?
     I remember something you said about clothes.  
     And the stairs... I said something about the stairs also!
     Well, put them in the hamper. 
     You don't get it... I made the announcement about this and now I need to throw away the underwear.  
     Don't do that, put them in the hamper.
     No... consequences. There have to be consequences!
     That is all that needed to be said.
     That seems a little harsh.
     Harsh... did you not hear my grandiose announcement last night?
     I know you said something... but not sure exactly what it was. You know you leave your suits all over the place... do we get to throw those away. 
     Maybe I do need those two guys dressed as fancy court jesters blowing horns on either side of me when I announce new rules.
     I have not done that in over 12 hours... you remember 12 hours ago... oh that's right, you don't remember what I did 12 hours ago. That was the old me... now they get hung up.
     Based on Cheryl's willingness to thumb her nose at all authority, I should not have been surprised to find her purse sitting at the bottom of the steps.
     Consequences, there have to be consequences!
     I took her purse and put it in the trash can.
     Now to be honest, I placed the purse across the trash can, not actually in the trash can. I said I was a benevolent dictator... not a stupid dictator.
     In fact, I called Cheryl to warn her of her consequences just in case she was looking for her purse.      You know, two can play this game... you leave your clothes out, they are getting thrown away. 
     Okay, the game is on... who will be the first to crack? I have been through these wars before with Grace when she took my hair brush. You don't have what it takes to go to battle with me.
      So it is game on, and I am winning 1-0.  I found a woman's undergarment on the bedroom floor just the other day. To be fair, I put it there when I was sorting socks but it was clearly a woman's undergarment.
      I am not sure that this will end well for me, but it keeps things tidy on our house. Our only hope to maintain this type of cleanliness is if our competitive natures are stronger than our sloppy, lazy natures.
      Either way, I am in it to win it... even if I have to plant a bra or two around the house!