Funny Guy Friday... Amen, Brother...

     A gentleman came into my office last week looking for advice about a divorce. As always, I asked what was going on in his marriage that would result in him seeing a lawyer. Among the many reasons he cited was that his wife is "addicted to her computer and the internet." For the first time in my legal career, I got a tear in my eye, and said, Amen brother.
     I didn't actually say Amen brother out loud, because I think that it is a stupid expression... but in this instance, I could feel his pain!
     I have my own nightmare about a lawyer's office and a divorce, but mine starts with Cheryl in the attorney's office seeking her own divorce:
     Attorney: So, Cheryl why are you here today?
     Cheryl: I want a divorce so I can spend more time with Mac!
     Attorney: Who is Mac?
     Cheryl: Not who, what---Mac is my laptop.
     Attorney: I see. Do you have children?
     Cheryl: Mark can have them, I just want the Mac!
     Typically the dream ends about right there, as I am awakened by the sound of typing on a key board, and Cheryl saying something like, I'm sorry, I was just saying my goodnights to Mac.
     If you think that my worries are unfounded, I am here to report three revealing, mostly true anecdotes:
     First, the other night I was lying with Noah in his room, and we were talking with Grace. Cheryl came home with Matthew, and Matthew ran upstairs with Slurpees.
     We were all just sitting in Noah's room, talking and laughing when Cheryl followed a few minutes later. She came in the room, left for a few seconds, and came back with the laptop and plopped it right down in front of her. At first I thought does she really think that Mac is part of the family and can't miss out on quality family time. I asked, do you really need to do that now?
     I have cross examined enough people to know when I ask a question to which they have no good response, they get a panicky look, and then just make something up. Cheryl had that look when she said, I didn't want to leave it alone out in the hallway! What? There are five people in our family, we are all right here and none of us are putting Mac at risk.
    Second, the other night, I came into our bedroom, looking for the laptop so I could check our email. I could not find it so I asked Cheryl, who was in the bathroom, if she knew where it was. No response, except, I heard some banging on the other side of the bathroom door. I opened the door to explore the noise, and she was trying to sneak the laptop under the door so as to hide her addiction. Pathetic!
     Third, we eat dinner together every night, and sometimes we will sit and talk and laugh for as long as we can keep all the kids herded in the kitchen. One night in the middle of this  family conversation, Grace grabbed the Mac. Clearly irritated, Cheryl took a minute to explain the importance of family time. However, somewhere between "put the computer down" and "those are the reasons why it is rude to 'log on' in the middle of family fun time," my girl had the Mac in her hands and was knee deep in Glenn Beck's website. The whole exchange reminded me of a crack addict trying to convince a smoker that cigarettes are bad for your health!
     I understand that when people get new stuff, they want to spend time getting familiar with it, and learning all of its capabilities. That usually lasts a few weeks, and then the user falls into a normal routine----you use it when you need it.
     But Mac is different. Mac and Cheryl are attached at the hip. It is the first thing she does in the morning, and the last thing she does in the evening.
     I didn't expect that when I bought it because in the past, when I bought her shiny, cool electric stuff, she never really used them much, or gave them a second thought. For instance she barely ever touches the new washer and dryer that I bought her for our anniversary, or the new vacuum that I bought her. Certainly, she has never considered including the washer, the dryer or the vacuum in family conversations or Slurpee time!
     You know, the computer issue is a problem, but perhaps if you consider the gifts that I select for my wife, there could be more than one explanaton for my divorce dreams.