Funny Guy Friday... I demand a trade...

     Randy Moss was recently traded from the Patriots to the Vikings. For those of you who don't know, Moss is an incredibly talented wide receiver who is also incredibly temperamental. If things don't go his way, he complains and pouts and eventually makes himself such a nuisance that he gets traded. If he were a female singer, he would be a diva making demand after demand. Although he has probably been the best wide receiver in football for the past ten years or so, he has now forced his way into three trades.
     His actions never made much sense to me, and I have never been a fan of his. Personally, I have never been in a position where I could make demands on my employer, until now.
     My kids have reported that I received a telephone call from Michelle Malkin, and I am sure I know what is coming. As a result.........
     After twenty two weeks of FGF, I feel that I must demand a trade from the You Are Mine blog to Michelle Malkin's blog.
     Like every great athlete that demands a trade, it is not about me, it is about everything else but me. Sure my interests are at the center of each of my reasons, but rest assured, it is not about me. I think that after you review the reasons for my demand, you will find it is really about you, my fans. Before I go on, I just want to say that this is not done without much thought and consideration---about you, not me--- and it is clear that I cannot continue to write under the current circumstances.
     First, I feel that my talents are being wasted in a small market. Sure, You Are Mine gave me my start, and I appreciate that, but this is a website for those interested in my wife's politics and religious beliefs. I know all six readers of the site, and----and I don't want to paint all six of you with a broad brush, but----- it just seems that none of you are really interested in laughing. In the event that you are interested in having me make you laugh, you can always log on to a bigger market website, like Michelle Malkin's perhaps. More people exposed to more right wing politics and religion... and more people exposed to FGF.
     The owner of FGF does not put any money into the site. Has anybody noticed that You Are Mine does not market? No advertisements, no sponsors, no flyers on your window when you come out of the mall, no nothin'. No advertising means no money. I have not received one red cent in twenty two weeks.
     But I want to make this clear---IT IS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY! In fact, money has nothing to do with it. I hate money! I write for the love of writing and for you, the fans. I have never based FGF's value to society on whether FGF was a commercial success or not. I am not writing for The Man, I am writing for The Fan!
     No, no, the fact that Ms. Malkin is going to offer me boodles of cash is really just a bonus for you, the reader. How? You ask? The money allows me to go out and experience more funny stuff, so I can expand my writing and be Funnier Guy Friday. Oh by the way, FGF will soon be sponsored by Fast Freddy's French Fries---a healthy potato snack! and will be known as Fast Freddy's French Fries's Funnier Guy Friday... aka... FFFFFGF.
    I am not respected by my employer.  Every week, I come up with clever human interest stories about the goings on in our family. It is not easy to come up with a story week after week, but I do. Once it is ready to go to press---or post, as Michelle and I say in the weblog industry---I have to clear it with the editor. Then the creative battle begins, and you should know that for the past 22 weeks, I have been writing with cuffs on my wrists and shackles on my feet.
     I need creative control---for you the fan, of course. How many times can I hear... Don't say this about my mother. Don't call our kids little rats. Jackass is a bad word. The kids' teachers might read this. You're going too long. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. The list goes on and on.
    The straw that broke the camel's back occurred this past Friday when FGF was not the feature post for Friday, October 8. That's right. Some silly white board/black board battle between Glenn Beck and the White House was the feature post. A post about lies, perpetrated by the White House, regarding the Bush tax cuts that will affect every American.
     Wake me when it's over. Couldn't that tidbit of information wait? It is not like there won't be some politician lying about something else on Saturday!
     Again, this is not about me, but you, the reader. I will not sit idly by as she forces you to scroll down to get to the good stuff.
     Wait a second... What's that?... Michelle Malkin didn't call?... It was Michelle Mulligan from the kids' school?... She doesn't want me to blog for her?... She wants me to chaperone the zoo trip? Wow, this changes everything. My kids are rats... er... uh... silly rascals. Never mind all that stuff I just wrote.
     Well, just to show it really is about the fans, I want everyone to know that you should eat Fast Freddy's French Fries, because they really are a healthy potato snack!